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gracie968 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:16 PM

:confused: me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months... we get along very good besides a small fight here and there. Last month he broke up with me but after a few days he called and we got back together. Ever since then I have been so paraniod that he is going to break up with me again. And also since then I have had troubles trusting him. He has never really given me a reason to not but I have just been on edge and afraid to lose him again. And also every guy I have loved has cheated on me. Even though he's not them its still hard for me. He went home for christmas for a week and I let him know before he went that I really want our relationship to get better that I don't want to feel so insecure anymore. Well christmas night I went out with one of my girlfriends and got pretty wasted.. some drama occurred and I called him to find some comfort. This lady who sounded very young was in the background saying something to the sort of who is that.. but it was loud and I couldn't really tell. I got kind of angry and was asking who she was.. he told me his aunt and I told him I didn't believe him. Then one of our friends grabbed the phone and he hung up. I called him back a bit later and he said him and his aunt were both drunk and having a deep conversation and he would call me back.. I waited an hour and he hadn't called so I called twice and he didn't answer. He ended calling me back 15 min later or so and we talked for a while and were getting along fine. I told him sorry for freaking out on him about not believing that was his aunt.. that I was just drunk. But then he said I got to get off the phone my mom is saying that I'm being too loud. Once again I didn't believe him. And then he got upset that I didn't. Once again I said sorry. We let each other go and he said call him tommrrow. Well I talked to him last night for a bit and he seemed okay.. maybe a bit distant. I let him go and he said he would call me later. But we were getting along. A bit after we got off the phone I found out my aunt had a stroke and was in the hospital. I have been upset about that of course and I tried to call him 2 times last night and once today and he hasn't called back. He's the only person that can really comfort me. I was on myspace and he was online too and he didn't say anything to me. His voiceamail isn't set up so I can't leave a message. I am worried that he is mad at me for when I was drunk or maybe something else I sont know what's going on but I am worrying myself to death. I even posted a bulliten on myspace for my friends to please pray for my aunt and I'm sure he saw that. I really want to call him again but don't want to get on his nerves. Sorry for making this so long but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. All my friends are out of town too and I don't want to bother them.

George_1950 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:24 PM

This sounds as though you are needing him for comfort and assurance and he isn't available. I would not call him again. He hasn't asked for space or time, but he is separating himself by circumstances. I think you have to be careful to protect yourself. You might read the two stickies at the beginning of this thread. Do some things for yourself.

talaniman · Dec 27, 2007, 10:35 PM

I think counseling would help as your past has you very insecure and a very low self esteem. Both will destroy any relationship you get into. I also think your dependence on him is not healthy. Work on you issues.

simoneaugie · Dec 27, 2007, 10:35 PM

Holidays can be the loneliest times. It hurts, but it won't kill you. Leave him alone. If he's yours, he will come back. Your behavior, drunk or not, doesn't decide things for him. It's as much about him as it is about you. Prescription: New friends that don't drink.

jacobandy88 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:43 PM

I am somewhat in the same position as you. Me and my ex aren't together anymore, but we broke up once and got back together. The thing about it is that he doesn't see you as a priority anymore sorry to tell you this but I went through the same thing. Give him some space to let him think things over. I am doing that right now but its not looking for for me so I am trying to help you as much as possible. He just needs some space right now. I know its easy for people to tell you to move on but once your in love with someone that is the hardest part to do because you don't listen to your mind anymore you listen to your heart. I know its devastating when you don't get the same passion and affection you once had with your spouse, but its something you have to deal with. I am in so much pain as I know you are. I hope I was of help. Wish you all the best

Gal From India · Dec 27, 2007, 10:51 PM

First of all, don't be dependent on him for comfort. You have been insecure about yourself for so long that you can't find strength within you to comfort yourself. This is a good time to start. You are your own best strength and comfort.
Do not try to find comfort in someone who is trying to distance himself from you. Him not replying, not answering your calls sound like he's trying to put space.

And I agree, work on yourself esteem and insecurities. The more you are insecure, the more you will find fault with yourself. Love yourself for who you are girl.

gracie968 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by jacobandy88

i am somewhat in the same position as you. me and my ex arent together anymore, but we broke up once and got back together. The thing about it is that he doesnt see you as a priority anymore sorry to tell you this but i went through the same thing. give him some space to let him think things over. i am doing that right now but its not looking for for me so i am trying to help you as much as possible. he just needs some space right now. i know its easy for people to tell you to move on but once your in love with someone that is the hardest part to do because you dont listen to your mind anymore you listen to your heart. i know its devistating when you dont get the same passion and affection you once had with your spouse, but its something you have to deal with. i am in so much pain as i know you are. i hope i was of help. wish you all the best

But we have been doing fine.. except for the fact that I am so afraid of losing him again.. but he tried to assure me that I won't. I'm so insecure a and worried all the time and I think that's what is making it hard on me. My parents are telling me he's prob just busy with family and friends because he hasn't seen them in a year. He's coming home on Sunday and I'm picking him up from the airport so I know I'm going to see him.I'm just worried why he hasn't called me back. I need him right now I am so upset about my aunt.

s_cianci · Dec 27, 2007, 10:56 PM

I hate to say it but you sound like a bit of a hypocrite. You don't trust him and you're so on edge as to not lose him, then, by your own admission, you "went out with one of your girlfriends and got pretty wasted..some drama occurred and you called him to find some comfort." Then you get angry at him for doing apparently the same thing you were doing ; getting drunk with a friend/aunt of his. I hate to say it but I really think this relationship's days are numbered. No guy in his right mind will tolerate that kind of behavior from a woman, i.e. going out drinking then getting angry at him for doing the same thing.

gracie968 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by Gal From India

First of all, don't be dependent on him for comfort. you have been insecure about yourself for so long that you can't find strength within you to comfort yourself. this is a good time to start. You are your own best strength and comfort.
Do not try to find comfort in someone who is trying to distance himself from you. him not replying, not answering your calls sound like he's trying to put space.

And i agree, work on your self esteem and insecurities. the more you are insecure, the more you will find fault with yourself. Love yourself for who you are girl.

I am trying so hard to be strong and secure but on top of everything I have gained 25 pounds since we have been dating. That makes everything so much worse. I don't understand why he is trying to make any space. Everything was fine when we talked last night. My parents are telling me he's prob just busy with friends and family since he is back home and hasn't seen them for a year. I know that I will see him Sunday at least beacause I'm picking him up from the airport. I do really think that I need to see a doctor because I feel like I'm all messed up. I even took an online test and it said I was depressed and had high anxiety. I feel lost and like my head is all cloudy.

jacobandy88 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:57 PM

Well don't do things out of fear of losing someone because that will only make things worse, do things out of love that's what I learned. Maybe he is just really busy maybe he's not, that's something you can't control, but you have to take charge of what you can control and that is your emotions. I know its easier said than done but you have to be strong and don't do things you will regret. I am the same as you I need someone to talk to as well that's y I feel for your pain and curiosity. Just give it some time, time will unfold answers for you and you have to prepare for either the worst or the best. But for the time being just be yourself, the more you think the more your mind will play tricks on you. I don't even know why I am giving this advice when I don't listen to it myself because I know how hard it is to follow.

gracie968 · Dec 27, 2007, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

I hate to say it but you sound like a bit of a hypocrite. You don't trust him and you're so on edge as to not lose him, then, by your own admission, you "went out with one of your girlfriends and got pretty wasted..some drama occurred and you called him to find some comfort." Then you get angry at him for doing apparently the same thing you were doing ; getting drunk with a friend/aunt of his. I hate to say it but I really think this relationship's days are numbered. No guy in his right mind will tolerate that kind of behavior from a woman, i.e. going out drinking then getting angry at him for doing the same thing.

I wasn't mad at all for him going out.. it was the fact that it didn't cound like his aunt in the background.. I want him to have fun with his friends and family!

s_cianci · Dec 27, 2007, 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by gracie968

i wasnt mad at all for him going out..it was the fact that it didnt cound like his aunt in the background..i want him to have fun with his friends and family!

OK but keep in mind that people often sound way different in the background over the telephone than they do face-to-face. Again be reminded that if you impute things to him that aren't necessarily true then you're playing with fire and setting yourself up for a big letdown.

gracie968 · Dec 27, 2007, 11:53 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

OK but keep in mind that people often sound way different in the background over the telephone than they do face-to-face. Again be reminded that if you impute things to him that aren't necessarily true then you're playing with fire and setting yourself up for a big letdown.

I know I can't be like that.. I wouldn't like it if someone didn't believe me.. I did tell him that I was sorry that I didn't believe him and that I was just very drunk and upset already from events of the night so I freaked out.

talaniman · Dec 28, 2007, 06:32 AM

Stop it Gracie, can't you see that most of your problem comes from what your doing to yourself, not anything he has done. When you have those thoughts and act on them you hurt yourself and those around you. See a doctor and stop drinking. You can help yourself by simply getting a little help.

gracie968 · Dec 28, 2007, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop it Gracie, can't you see that most of your problem comes from what your doing to yourself, not anything he has done. When you have those thoughts and act on them you hurt yourself and those around you. See a doctor and stop drinking. You can help yourself by simply getting a little help.

I want to get help.. I don't want to feel like I don't have any control over my emotionsanymore.. and I hate how I worry myself to death about EVERYTHING in my life. I just hope that I haven't lost him.. all I have even done was try and love him the best I can. I still havetn heard from him. I really feel that if I have lost him I might do something to myself. I want to be better but if he leaves me I know it was all my fault for being stupid and I can't live with that.

Gal From India · Dec 28, 2007, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by gracie968

i want to get help..i dont want to feel like i dont have any control over my emotionsanymore..and i hate how i worry myself to death about EVERYTHING in my life. i just hope that i havent lost him..all i have even done was try and love him the best i can. i still havetn heard from him. i really feel that if i have lost him i might do something to myself. i want to be better but if he leaves me i know it was all my fault for being stupid and i can't live with that.

Gracie gracie... the first and the foremost thing, you loved him the best way you knew, if he can't appreicate that.. he needs to go. You need someone who appreciates you. That was one of the advices I got and I love it.
Don't you dare do anything to yourself. You are too precious person to spoil it over someone who can't appreciate you.
And if love changes with you, with the change in your weight, its got to go. You love the complete person, not the statistics and measurements... get that into your head.

I have said in every post... learn to love yourself. I have been reading a fabulous book and it is helping me raise myself esteem...
Don't blame yourself for everything... you are not at fault.. its just cirumstances.. don't start the blame game.. it will never end..

Dahlin.. love yourself. It is the cure to every ache..