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jenster4 · Dec 25, 2007, 03:57 AM

Please help! This will seem ridiculous but I'm having a real problem w/my BF's ego. A few weeks ago I finished taking beginner level judo classes and earned my yellow belt. I really enjoyed the classes and found I was pretty good at it, even though I'm not really muscular (I'm tall, 5'9", but slender, and weigh about 125lbs)...plus i'm a pretty girly-looking girl..i wear my hair long and like dresses, etc., and I am considered a "looker."

Anyway, b/c of all this,my BF didn't take my classes very seriously and when I told him i got my yellow belt he just laughed a lot and said stuff like "that's so cute" and other condescending stuff. Now I probably should have just ignored him but he made me really mad and so w/out really thinking about it I challenged him to a wrestling match.

We're the same height but he has at least 40lbs on me, and he didn't want to do it at first but I said 'are you afraid of losing to a girl?' and he was like, "OK, let me teach you a lesson'. So we moved some firniture out of the way and we got going and he didn't try very hard at first, because he just didn't think he'd have to! But then I caught him w/a leg sweep and he went down on the floor, and I could see his face get all red and when he got back up he started trying really hard to beat me.

Well, long story short, I kept using throws and leg sweeps to send him to the floor, and waited until he got really tired, and then when I could tell his strength was running out,and he was having trouble catching his breath, I used some ground techniques to keep him down on the floor and after a fairly long struggle, I pinned him!

So I had a little laugh at his expense and said "I hope you learned YOUR lesson", and kind of figured I'd made my point and that would be the end of it... but he couldn't let it go, and kept after me for a rematch, saying "I got lucky", etc... so last week I finally said "OK" to one more match because he wouldn't stop asking, and, yes, I beat him again.

Now he's TOTALLY bent out of shape and keeps trying for another match to prove he can beat me and I need help because I'm sick of his attitude! Was I wrong to defeat him? Should I just fake it and let him win? Have any other girls out there defeated a guy at something physical and gone through this?

I keep telling I beat him because I know judo and he doesn't but he's still pissed and thinks he can beat me just because I'm a "pretty girl". (Also, when I suggested we take classes together so he could compete w/me better, he said "I don't need to know judo to beat a girl!" )I know, it sounds like he's a total , but he was NEVER like this until I beat him at wrestling! What should I do??

talaniman · Dec 25, 2007, 09:48 AM

Your going to have to give him a rematch, and let the wimp win in good fashion.

bushg · Dec 25, 2007, 09:55 AM

$hit I would nail him to the wall every chance I got. Then I would say sweety, I am sure you could beat me if you were in training. What if you earn more money than him or getter a higher degree is he going to make your life miserable.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 25, 2007, 09:56 AM

This is of course a good lesson that it is not size, As a police officer, there was a lady about 1/2 my size now I am a brown belt, and fairly good but she threw me time and time again, I was not mad, sore, not mad.

Perhaps a talk with him and ask him if he would like to take lessons with you, and learn how to use the other persons strengh against him, Tell him that was why you could do it, because he was so strong and you merely used that strengh against him.

Or of course tell him to get over it or you will whip his rear again.

I am a old man, use a cane, but most likely I could take him also, he needs to learn in martial arts size and muscles mean little.

jenster4 · Dec 26, 2007, 03:04 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

This is of course a good lesson that it is not size, As a police officer, there was a lady about 1/2 my size now I am a brown belt, and fairly good but she threw me time and time again, I was not mad, sore, not mad.

perhaps a talk with him and ask him if he would like to take lessons with you, and learn how to use the other persons strengh against him, Tell him that was why you could do it, because he was so strong and you merely used that strengh against him.

Or of course tell him to get over it or you will whip his rear again.

I am a old man, use a cane, but most likely I could take him also, he needs to learn in martial arts size and muscles mean little.

Thanks for the example that even a policeman can get bested by a woman if she's really good at martial arts! I did ask my BF to take classes w/me but he said "I dont need to know judo to beat a girl." :rolleyes:

So it seems like if he's going to "get it", I'm going to have to agree to a rematch & he'll just have to accept the outcome.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 26, 2007, 03:14 AM

Wow, Continue your judo and do this for yourself. One more rematch and tell him enough is enough. Let it go, when learning any kind of martial arts. Discipline is key and that is knowing when to fight and when not to fight. Meaning look for all avenues not to, if you have no choice but to use it to defend yourself, then you know what to do. Your boyfriend has a bruised ego, too bad really. It is not your problem but his.

Like others have said, what is going to happen if your more successful or making more money the list could go on.

Take care and let us know how the rematch goes.

jenster4 · Dec 26, 2007, 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Wow, Continue your judo and do this for yourself. One more rematch and tell him enough is enough. Let it go, when learning any kind of martial arts. Discipline is key and that is knowing when to fight and when not to fight. Meaning look for all avenues not to, if you have no choice but to use it to defend yourself, then you know what to do. Your boyfriend has a bruised ego, too bad really. It is not your problem but his.

Like others have said, what is going to happen if your more successful or making more money the list could go on.

Take care and let us know how the rematch goes.

Thank you! I totally agree I would rather convince him to let it go rather than take him on again and further bruise his ego, but he's the one who's insisting on a rematch, saying I "got lucky."

I think the idea of ONE more match is a good one--and if he doesn't accept the result, I'll tell him we need to move on or at least take a break.

I'll be sure to let you know how the re-match goes! :D

George_1950 · Dec 26, 2007, 06:15 AM

I think you should have a referee.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 26, 2007, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by George_1950

I think you should have a referee.

Are you volunteering, and I am sure, well never mind. Lol

lavenderly · Dec 27, 2007, 12:14 PM

What u need to do is talk, not fight.

Like you say, the underlying reason he is asking for a rematch is because he wants his ego intact. There are many ways to make him realize that u did not steal his limelight away. He needs to know that he is still good in many other things.

Perhaps he is insecure with himself and suffers minor low self-esteem after you beat him twice. Talk to him about the benefits of judo but do not force the belief on him. Let him realize the advantages of self-defence on his own.

This situation is almost similar to a man who says he does not need God for a miracle to happen. Well, if one day a miracle happens to you, will you force him to believe in your God?

Talk, not fight. Assure him of his strengths and tell him not to look down on judo. If he cannot accept his ego being bruised, there is more to just a "lost fight" u have to deal here. This man has serious arrogance issue.

talaniman · Dec 27, 2007, 12:52 PM

The only problem with kicking his butt again, is he may sulk, and break up with you. So yeah, kick gurlie boys rump, and get a real man, who is a better loser, I mean winner, You know a graceful loser, you know what I mean..

JoeCanada76 · Dec 27, 2007, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The only problem with kicking his butt again, is he may sulk, and break up with you. So yeah, kick gurlie boys rump, and get a real man, who is a better loser, I mean winner, You know a graceful loser, you know what I mean..

Excellent post Tal, lol.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 27, 2007, 01:06 PM

Yeah...

In high school, I used to take kung fu. My girlfriend was the one that introduced me to the class... I started at white belt, and she was already a 3rd degree brown belt. She whooped my... left and right.

I was 5'7"...165 lbs. she was 4'11"... 88 lbs. yeah. It was... an ego buster. Mainly because she whooped me in public (sparring matches).

But I mean, I took it lightly... didnt get mad... she was good about it... didn't brag or anything.

If you're a good sportsman, meaning you don't rub it in his face, and he's just a sore loser... this may be a warning sign for future things. He may be just immature and overly egotistical.