[wot2do]

If I ask her friend whether I should move on or hold out is that OK?
Basically for those who do not know my story: (I am 25, she 23) about 3.5 weeks ago my girlfriend of nearly 4 years said she was 'confused' about how she felt and needed some time to figure it out. This came out of the blue - she said she thought I never put her feelings first and always do what I want to do. About 2 weeks after this we went out for dinner, and we had a great time, but then the relationship was brought up back at her house and she said how much she missed me and had to see me but that it was unfair on me because she still didn’t want to get back together and didn’t know when she would if ever and she needed more time. She said she loved me many times, and said she thought she would always love me but she said she didn’t want me to wait around for her answer because she knew that was not fair. I was completely in bits still by this point but having read advice from this forum I told her that I am not going to contact her, give her the space she needs, and asked her to do the same. So we have not spoken since the meal was 2 weeks ago. I said to her that I might block her from Facebook to complete NC (although I could not bring myself to this). Anway about 3 days later she has taken me off her Facebook as 'relationship with me', it doesn’t say single but it no longer says she in relationship either. Is this a sign to move? Has she moved on? Is she trying to force me to move on (one of my friends thinks so)? Why would she want to force me to move on if ‘she loves and always will love me, and needs more time to figure things out?’
I was thinking about emailing one of her friends who I know ish and asking her should I hang on for her and just keep giving her space or move on, start dating other girls etc. At the moment if I even talk to girls and flirt on some level it feels like I am cheating on her still. I tell myself I would wait forever for her to realise that she has made a mistake. I think a lot of our problems are that she is very unassertive, she will say something like ‘I would quite like to do that/go there etc.’ I will think oh she doesn’t really want to go there, and say ‘I would like to go there instead’ and she will sense I am not happy with her decision and go with mine to make me happy – BUT I think she resents this, she interprets it as ‘i can’t love her that much because I am not bothered about her happiness, and he only wants me because I let him do anything he wants’. I do love her more than anything in the world but I can’t explain this to her, I have tried but I can’t – maybe this is something she will have to figure this out for herself. Someone told me to give her space till after xmas, new years, then suggest we go to couples counselling – if she really loves me as much as she says she will want to try this? It seems abit... silly for only 4 years? But I would try anything to get her back. This NC is killing me!

[talaniman]

There is no way around it and please leave her friends out of your business and stay on the path. We all know how hard it is so fill your time with things you enjoy for now. Leave her alone to deal with herself, without any pressure from you.

[ilovcali]

I can't rate Tal. But he's right. FRIENDS = TROUBLE.

--Cali

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see if you are 12, you ask her friends, if you are a adult you leave the friends out of it