[heat515]

About two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't willing to make a commitment to me and wanted me to wait while he decided if I should be in his life. We haven't talked at all, mainly because we live in two different states. Since breaking up with him, I've had mixed feelings about our departure. Some days I know it was for the best and that I deserve someone who will always love me. Then some days I am empty and feel like a part of me is missing without him. I decided to contact him and see if he wanted to get together while I was home for Christmas. I've tried to call him and email him a few times, but he has ignored all of my attempts so I figured if he ignored this, that would be a sign to just continue on. Well, he wrote me back and said he wouldn't have time to meet with me and came up with several excuses of why he couldn't. He said he was sorry it wasn't going to work but told me if I have things I need to say I should just email him.

I don't know what to do. I honestly believe in telling people how you feel but I don't want to tell him through an email. A part of me feels that he could make time for me if he wanted to but the other part tells me I should just put it all out there. Then again, I to respect myself and I feel that I could be putting myself in a very vulnerable spot if I wrote it all in an email, which I am not sure if he would even respond to.

Please, I would apprecaite any advice anybody is willing to give.

[Synnen]

Stop contacting him.

HE doesn't need to know how you feel--you just want to tell him how you feel.

Either way, it's not going to help anything.

My advice is to thank him for the offer, but that you don't feel comfortable telling him something that personal in an email. Wish him a Merry Christmas--and move on with your life.

[heat515]

You are so right right. That is how I first felt about the situation, but my head started spinning the more I thought about it. Thanks for the advice!

[BMI]

Sounds as if your flip-flopping all over the place.

Problem when you are the person who ends it is that you hurt (not necissarily on purpose) the other person. You breaking up with him and now contacting him is basically suggesting you want him back (at least that is how it appears). Him giving you no mind is him not appreciating the fact you broke up with him and that he will not be around whenever you call. I say quit now, any further action will only lead to more rejection for you, the shoe is on the other foot now. After you contacted him you gave him the upper hand and he is using it.

Sorry:(

[heat515]

You are right, too. I guess I should take whatever dignity I have and just move on.

[jorgy22]

Let him know how you feel... what's the worse thing that can happen.

You live in different states... the guy probably thinks that you met someone else, and that's why you ended it. What kind of commitment can you expect living that far apart?

Look rationally into this relationship and be honest. If that's how you feel, write it. Its not for you to decide whether he responds. Your not writing it for a response, but rather to let the person know.

Do you really love this person? It sounds like your not sure.

Flip flopping back and forth is not healthy either, make up your mind... if he sees that your too unsure, then he's not going to want to be with you, because he knows that he is only setting himself up to be hurt again. Are you playing games with him?

Why did you wait 2 months before contacting him? ANSWER THIS PART IF ANY... it would really help us answer you.

He might have begun to move on, and sees that the sacrifice involved in a long distance relationship is to strenious to make at the moment.

[talaniman]

Since you don't want to put your feelings in an email, then drop the whole thing and move on. After that last contact, you know he has no more feelings at all.

[heat515]

Let him know how you feel.... whats the worse thing that can happen.

You live in different states.... the guy probably thinks that you met someone else, and thats why you ended it. What kind of commitment can you expect living that far apart?

Look rationally into this relationship and be honest. If thats how you feel, write it. Its not for you to decide whether or not he responds. Your not writing it for a response, but rather to let the person know.

Do you really love this person? It sounds like your not sure.

Flip flopping back and forth is not healthy either, make up your mind.... if he sees that your too unsure, then he's not going to want to be with you, because he knows that he is only setting himself up to be hurt again. Are you playing games with him?

Why did you wait 2 months before contacting him? ANSWER THIS PART IF ANY.... it would really help us answer you.

He might have begun to move on, and sees that the sacrifice involved in a long distance relationship is to strenious to make at the moment.

I am not sure if I love him. Somedays I miss him so much, but other days it feels good not to cry anymore.

Our relationship started in a complicated way. We began seeing each a few months before I graduated college. I was in the process looking for jobs and had just inquired about one a few states away. I wanted to keep it as just a fling and told him we would probably end once I moved away. Well, he wanted to be in a full-fledged relationship and the day after I graduated he told me loved me. I moved away but decided to keep the relationship going because it seemed really good and true. Things were OK for a while. He came to visit me once and I visited him twice. We started to make plans to be in the same place after he graduated (which happens to have been last Saturday). Then things started to get really weird between us and he began to drift away. We are very different people and expected different things from a relationship. (Like he thought it was ridiculous that I wanted to talk to him everyday on the phone even if it was a quick hello.) One day he said he didn't want to move where I was but I should quit my job to be with him. Sometime later he said I shouldn't move to be with him if I liked my job. I was still willing to make it work with him but I needed some sort of commitment from him because I didn't want to move and then have us not work out. He said he didn't know what he wanted from his life and whether he wanted me to be apart of his future. He said we were way too different and even if we were in the same town we would still have a lot to work out. He needed me to wait, and I tried to, but it was too hard. So I broke it off and he said he understood. I told him if decided what he wanted then he could always call me.

So I knew he needed space after the breakup and waited a while before I contacted him. About a week later, I emailed him and he didn't respond. I tried calling him a few weeks later to tell him my feelings were still there, he ignored my call and that night put on his Facebook he was going on a date. When we broke up he immediately blocked me from msn, but then a couple of weeks ago he unblocked me for me to find another proclamation about him going on date. I never said anything to him, I just pretended I didn't see anything. I am not playing games with him and I just thought he needed some space.

What he doesn't know is that I have a job interview when I am home for Christmas. It was something I applied for when we were together. But after the way he responded to my email, it seems like he still isn't willing to work on things with me. So that is why I am still wondering does he deserve to know how I feel?

[jorgy22]

^^^^^^^^^^^

OK... I don't think you should contact him.

And no... If you love someone... a single call a day sucks... personally, I love talking as much as I can with my significant other, and I'm a guy.

Don't change your life for him as you can't be sure of what he really wants.

If you want to, send the email but after that, if he does not respond, go no contact.

I'm sorry that you are gowing through this. You'll be in my prayers!

Don't worry, things will be fine.

[oneguyinohio]

You said, "he could make time for me if he wanted to"

He didn't. In my opinion, he has been sending you plenty of signals that you don't seem willing to accept.

[heat515]

jorgy22, thank you so much. I am not sure what I will do but I think this a clear sign for me to just let go and move on from here. Thanks for your support.

[Matteus]

About two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't willing to make a commitment to me and wanted me to wait while he decided if I should be in his life. We haven't talked at all, mainly because we live in two different states. Since breaking up with him, I've had mixed feelings about our departure. Some days I know it was for the best and that I deserve someone who will always love me. Then some days I am empty and feel like a part of me is missing without him. I decided to contact him and see if he wanted to get together while I was home for Christmas. I've tried to call him and email him a few times, but he has ignored all of my attempts so I figured if he ignored this, that would be a sign to just continue on. Well, he wrote me back and said he wouldn't have time to meet with me and came up with several excuses of why he couldn't. He said he was sorry it wasn't going to work but told me if I have things I need to say I should just email him.

I don't know what to do. I honestly believe in telling people how you feel but I don't want to tell him through an email. A part of me feels that he could make time for me if he wanted to but the other part tells me I should just put it all out there. Then again, I to respect myself and I feel that I could be putting myself in a very vulnerable spot if I wrote it all in an email, which I am not sure if he would even respond to.

Please, I would apprecaite any advice anybody is willing to give.

First of all, this thing of "telling people how do you feel" is guaranteed its not going to win make any good to you. Remember that, you have your own feelings (positive) toward him, and he has his own (negative in this case). He cant, nor he should go against his own feelings because of you. We don't love or like someone else, or stay with them in a relation, because the other partner feels down. In this moment comes also the great saying "chasing will make them run". Let him be alone, and let him come back if he wants too, but don't force him to come back because of you feeling down! You think he doesn't know how you feel about him? In fact, your feelings aren't toward him right now, its only the need for someone else around you, as you are used to have someone around you, and also the hurt that makes you think so.

[ilovcali]

I'm in a similar situation. Slightly better because I was in more control of my situation and she was the one who contacted me. But I had already canceled her from my life because she was acting weird. Then she sent me some dumb email.

I just told her how I felt which was more angry though a little sad. And that was it. I expect no reply and I wrote to her so she knows how I feel. It won't make any difference to her, but I felt better. If someone does something wrong, I have no problem calling them out on it.

So it's really how you'll feel. If you're doing it for some reaction, you may not be happy.

--Cali