[lynxwizard]

Which choice do I make

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I have posted my breakup here before, I was with her for a little over 2 years and she went back to her boyfriend of 4 years ago, they lived together for 2 years, she left because he drank allot, was verbly abusive and not a christian, well she says he has changed and now is living with him and engaged after 2 months.
When we were together things were not bad, I know she cares about me but she feels he is the one. I do not contact her and she contacts me sometimes.

Well I know I have to move on but I know things will fall apart for her with this guy someday. I love her so much and she knows this. My question is, do I stay in touch with her or send her a email saying its too hard to be friends and for her not to contact me ?

So Do I remain in limited contact with her and be a friend because the day will come when she will need a friend and then maybe something more could happen for us, she may look at me in a different light,and maybe she will get stronger feelings for me, but if I send the email will she not contact me when the day comes when she is free ? Or would she anyway ? Would she respect me more if I sent the email ? I know she would feel bad.

So when the day comes and she is free of this guy and if I am not involved what would my best chance be ? Should I be a friend or send the email ?

This has been tearing me up.

[George_1950]

I am very sorry for the difficulties you are having, but if you are driving your car down the road and it develops a flat, you need to fix it. I think you have found out what being a "friend" to your girlfriend will get you, which is heartache. Buddy, I would take that flat tire off my car and get something new; let someone else deal with that problem. Love is a funny thing; there are lots of posts here, particularly the sticky ones; go read them and re-read them until you begin to develop some coping strategies. Make some friends here, at this site; they will help you.

[talaniman]

Your in denial, fueled by the false hope her contacting you has started. Please cut the contact with her and let yourself heal, so you can look at this in a healthy realistic way. It will be easier to accept the facts after you have gotten a life that makes you happy, that does NOT include her. Its called moving on, and takes time, and hard work on your part. Only then will you see that carrying a torch, and hoping for the return of an ex, who is engaged, is a perfect waste of time, and stopping you from focusing on your own happiness.

[lynxwizard]

Your in denial, fueled by the false hope her contacting you has started. Please cut the contact with her and let yourself heal, so you can look at this in a healthy realistic way. It will be easier to accept the facts after you have gotten a life that makes you happy, that does NOT include her. Its called moving on, and takes time, and hard work on your part. Only then will you see that carrying a torch, and hoping for the return of an ex, who is engaged, is a perfect waste of time, and stopping you from focusing on your own happiness.

That not what I asked, but I do see what you are saying, just wanted a answer to my question.

[Caralyn]

No contact for three months that's the rule last time I checked. Hopefully after that time you will be clearer about what you want to do. Sounds like she wants to keep you around in case this other relationship doesn't work. It's no good hanging around waiting for any little crumb she decides to throw your way. Go look after yourself. Get out and meet some 'nice' people.

[talaniman]

[quote=lynxwizard]Which choice do I make

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I have posted my breakup here before,
Yes you have, and gotten a lot of good feed back. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2171105
I was with her for a little over 2 years and she went back to her boyfriend of 4 years ago, they lived together for 2 years, she left because he drank allot, was verbly abusive and not a christian, well she says he has changed and now is living with him and engaged after 2 months.
She has decided where she wants to be, finally
When we were together things were not bad,
Just not good enough for her to see a future.
I know she cares about me but she feels he is the one.
Which means your not, so she had to jump from man to man and back to find that out.
I do not contact her and she contacts me sometimes.
WHY????? As a friend no doubt.
Well I know I have to move on
But you haven't as your still waiting for her.
But I know things will fall apart for her with this guy someday.
No you don't but, there is still hope, after all she still calls you, so she must care, or so you have led yourself to believe.
I love her so much and she knows this.
But she left you for the ex, and you think she will do the same thing to him, to be with you.
My question is, do I stay in touch with her
NO, and by the way she calls you remember.
Or send her a email saying its too hard to be friends and for her not to contact me ?
NO, just stop taking her calls period, she will get the message quite well.
So Do I remain in limited contact with her and be a friend because the day will come when she will need a friend and then maybe something more could happen for us,
No, you should stop waiting and get your own life.
She may look at me in a different light,and maybe she will get stronger feelings for me, but if I send the email will she not contact me when the day comes when she is free ? Or would she anyway ? Would she respect me more if I sent the email ? I know she would feel bad.
You are where she wants you, and the e-mail will make no difference.
So when the day comes and she is free of this guy and if I am not involved what would my best chance be ?
You are still in the denial/false hope stage, unable to see clearly. Even if she did come back, which I doubt why would she see you as b/f material. Oh thats right you know she cares and has kept you on the back burner, just for that day to come, right.
Should I be a friend or send the email ?
Doesn't make any difference since she knows she does what she wants with you.
This has been tearing me up.
Of course it is, since you are unable to move on, and get healthy as you've been told in your other posts. I hope I answered all your questions this time.

[lynxwizard]

[QUOTE=talaniman]

Which choice do I make

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I have posted my breakup here before,
Yes you have, and gotten a lot of good feed back. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2171105
I was with her for a little over 2 years and she went back to her boyfriend of 4 years ago, they lived together for 2 years, she left because he drank allot, was verbly abusive and not a christian, well she says he has changed and now is living with him and engaged after 2 months.
She has decided where she wants to be, finally
When we were together things were not bad,
Just not good enough for her to see a future.
I know she cares about me but she feels he is the one.
Which means your not, so she had to jump from man to man and back to find that out.
I do not contact her and she contacts me sometimes.
WHY????? As a friend no doubt.
Well I know I have to move on
But you haven't as your still waiting for her.
but I know things will fall apart for her with this guy someday.
No you don't but, there is still hope, after all she still calls you, so she must care, or so you have led yourself to believe.
I love her so much and she knows this.
But she left you for the ex, and you think she will do the same thing to him, to be with you.
my question is, do I stay in touch with her
NO, and by the way she calls you remember.
or send her a email saying its too hard to be friends and for her not to contact me ?
NO, just stop taking her calls period, she will get the message quite well.
So Do I remain in limited contact with her and be a friend because the day will come when she will need a friend and then maybe something more could happen for us,
No, you should stop waiting and get your own life.
she may look at me in a different light,and maybe she will get stronger feelings for me, but if I send the email will she not contact me when the day comes when she is free ? or would she anyway ? would she respect me more if I sent the email ? I know she would feel bad.
You are where she wants you, and the e-mail will make no difference.
So when the day comes and she is free of this guy and if I am not involved what would my best chance be ?
You are still in the denial/false hope stage, unable to see clearly. Even if she did come back, which I doubt why would she see you as b/f material. Oh thats right you know she cares and has kept you on the back burner, just for that day to come, right.
should I be a friend or send the email ?
Doesn't make any difference since she knows she does what she wants with you.
This has been tearing me up.
Of course it is, since you are unable to move on, and get healthy as you've been told in your other posts. I hope I answered all your questions this time.

you may be right and thank you for taking the time to reply, allot of typing for you, When she was with me for over 2 years I would say that was B/F material, so who knows, but none of us really knows what will happen in the future do we ? But thanks again for your thoughts, P.S what did happen to the Bears ? My team the Vikes have turned it up a bit, but it has been painful being a fan all these years

[talaniman]

[quote=lynxwizard]

you may be right and thank you for taking the time to reply, allot of typing for you, When she was with me for over 2 years I would say that was B/F material, so who knows, but none of us really knows what will happen in the future do we ? but thanks again for your thoughts, P.S what did happen to the Bears ? my team the Vikes have turned it up a bit, but it has been painful being a fan all these years

I was in the same boat as you are, way back when, and it sucked, because I just didn't understand that it was me not being happy, as she had changed. Its so impportant to focus on our own happiness, so we can see when we have truly been blessed in life. After a string of g/f's I finally found the one who is my wife now and if I hadn't of moved on, (again and again) I would never have found her (wasn't even looking) You'll be okay in time, if you want to be.
PS.
Just like with women, teams break your heart, and you hope it will be better next year.

[ordinaryguy]

Well I know I have to move on

Good. Do it now.

my question is, do I stay in touch with her or send her a email saying its too hard to be friends and for her not to contact me?

No, don't stay in touch, don't send her an email, don't obsess about her or the state of her relationship with this guy. Heal yourself and move on with your life, sooner rather than later.

[dragnlady5]

Like I said in the other post. Be her friend but don't wait on her. Go out and find someone for you one of 2 things will happen...

You will find the person meant for you...

She will become so enraged with jelousy she will leave william and come running to your arms.