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jessiewhat2000 · Nov 30, 2007, 09:48 PM

How can I tell my husband is cheating on me

Clough · Nov 30, 2007, 10:08 PM

Greetings and WELCOME to the site, jessiewhat2000! I just moved your question from Introductions over to the Marriage topic area of this site so that it will get more exposure and thus more responses. The Introductions section is for introductions only and not questions.

Please do take some time to introduce yourself on the Introductions section and thank you for using this site!

oneguyinohio · Nov 30, 2007, 10:31 PM

You may never know for sure unless he admits to it, you see him, or have an investigator follow him etc.

Just the fact that you have suspicions says that something is wrong in the marriage. It does not mean that he is guilty or not.

Whatever is triggering your suspicions needs to be explored. There might be more than one explanation. You should talk to him about it and your feelings as well as ways for him to help you not have those feelings. Listen to his explanations. Keep the dialogue going until you feel comfortable. If you are unable to discuss it with him, or he is unwilling to respond appropriately, then that alone is a problem.

Don't accuse him, just share your thoughts telling him you want to resolve your fears and need his help. You'll have to tell what makes you feel that he is, and what he can do about it...

jessiewhat2000 · Nov 30, 2007, 10:36 PM

I have done those things and still nothing he gives no answer to my question.

jessiewhat2000 · Nov 30, 2007, 10:37 PM

I have done those thing and he still gives no answer to my question.

oneguyinohio · Nov 30, 2007, 10:51 PM

In that case, you have the options of deciding if you can live with that suspicion, and him regardless of the answer, or if you want to leave, when, and how. Only you can decide if you have to know the answer, if it matters to you, and if not knowing will make you want to leave. I'm not telling you what to do at all.

I have known people who didn't care if the spouse had affairs as long as they were happy. It was easy for them to let the spouse play. If the suspicions bother you, and he is not trying to communicate, that is a reason for concern for which you can keep trying or end the relationship.

How do you interpret his lack of an answer? I mean is it a denial or just a refusal to talk about it? And what does that mean to you? How does it make you feel? Is he caring about your feelings?

NowWhat · Dec 1, 2007, 04:00 AM

Well, what is your husband doing (or not) to make you feel this way?
Is there anything new going on in your life? Just had a baby? New job? Those kinds of stresses can change you - so he may be adjusting to something like that?

I am a firm believer in your intuition, if you have warning bells going off in your head, then you need to figure it this out. Does that mean that he is having an affair? Not necessarily.

s_cianci · Dec 1, 2007, 07:30 AM

Perhaps a better question is "Why do you think he is?" Other posters have already acknowledged that this needs to be addressed but knowing the specifics will make it much easier to give you some insight.

jessiewhat2000 · Dec 1, 2007, 10:16 AM

To answer all of your questions, He refuse to talk to me about anything when I ask him where he has been since he got off work he tell not to worry about it. Sex is something that doesn't happen very often and he came home with scratches on his sides and said it happened at work

NowWhat · Dec 1, 2007, 12:21 PM

Oh..
Well, does he have a job where it would be plausible that he get scratches on his side?

Do not be afraid to talk to your husband. I know sometimes we will get answers we don't want. But, you need to sit him down and tell him how these behaviors are making you feel. There could be a reasonable explanation for everything you have listed.

s_cianci · Dec 1, 2007, 03:31 PM

Well the two of you certainly have a communication problem, that's for sure. And his reluctance to talk may be a sign that he's up to something that's not good. You may have to flat-out confront him with your suspicions. I realize that that'll put him on the defensive but if he is in fact innocent then I'm sure he'll want to quickly prove that to you.

jessiewhat2000 · Dec 3, 2007, 10:16 AM

He drives a truck for a farmer. And I have asked him if he is or has cheated on me and he gets very mad and defensive

Clough · Dec 3, 2007, 03:45 PM

Why do you think that he might be cheating on you? Are there more reasons than you have already given?

talaniman · Dec 3, 2007, 06:02 PM

Having a bad time in the bed is not an indication of cheating nor is getting upset about being questioned about it. I feel much more is going on than we have read here, and some insight into the marriage may help. One thing for sure if he is not cheating, your suspicions and nagging will piss him off so is there anything beyond scratches, or coming home late that you can point to?

jessiewhat2000 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:54 AM

Besides the scratches and coming home late. He has called me another woman's name and have talked about seeing one of his ex's.And she has called my home looking for him.

talaniman · Dec 4, 2007, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by jessiewhat2000

Besides the scratches and coming home late. He has called me another womans name and have talked about seeing one of his ex's.And she has called my home looking for him.

Boot his cheating, lying, azz out, or leave. You are not his doormat.