[Krs]

My friend yesterday told something that stuck to me and I wasn't so sure how to react or even what to say to her.

She has been married for 2 yrs, she said that she wonders if he is the one for her??

What does that mean? She then added that she loves him and would feel lost without him.

She confused me.

[NeedKarma]

I have definetely seen some women get married to someone they feel 'close to' for the simple fear of not wanting to be 'left on the shelf'. Apparently there are still some women that feel that they need a man and marriage to feel complete. Then inevitably some conflict occurs and they wonder if he really is that knight in shining armour.

Well that my view anyway, from experience.

[Krs]

I agree with what you say!

But then why say she loves him and wouldn't live without him

[kp2171]

Hard to know what it means without you getting her to talk more...

Does she find someone else attractive and is being distracted? Is she unfulfilled in some way? Did she feel pressured into marriage? Etc?

I think you are going to have to talk to her to know more. She threw it out on the table. She wants to talk about it and it seems like she wants to talk to you.

Chances are if you get her rolling on the discussion, and you are mostly asking her to explain, not judging her, shell let you in on whatever is kicking around her head.

[Krs]

Thanks guys, ill have to talk to her.

Well I spoke to my friend.
She said she loves him so much, but sometimes she just wonders if he is for her as she doesn't always find him attractive, and she feels she gets turned on only when she is horny not because of him!! Also she said she doesn't always agree with his attitude and what he says.

!!

What do you guys think?

[ordinaryguy]

She sounds like an immature, unsettled, confused, ambivalent, uncommitted, wistful, young daydreamer who got married before she got all her itches scratched. How old is she? I'm guessing mid-twenties. I got married at 22. My wife and I were both virgins. Within four years we were divorced for these very reasons. Too much curiosity, not enough maturity.

[Krs]

She is 26 and he is 29. She got married at 24.

She was a virgin when she met him, she was 18. He wasn't a virgin!

Is that the cause of all her issues!?

[talaniman]

She may well be thinking about all the stuff she missed and can't get back such as parties, friends, and other men. She could wish she had waited longer and got those itches scratched. Its normal to have those feeling when you're a young married woman. Sometimes what we think is an all engulfing love wears off when life routines take give us a reality check.

[Krs]

I don't know what sort of advice to give her. I agree with you Tal about those being her reasons thou.

[talaniman]

Tell her to explore her life within the marriage boundaries. When I first got married my wife had a life and routine that she found fun and fulfilling, and she continued it after I came along. Babies slowed her down for a while but if she didn't take them with her then they where with me so we were both free to enjoy ourselves, and looking back I think that's why we can sit home and enjoy our life after children, because we never stopped enjoying ourselves without the other around, hope this makes sense.

[Tuscany]

I agree
It sounds like she never got a chance to figure out who she was. At 18 there is still so much of life to experience. Maybe she is starting to feel like she can't experience those things because of marriage. She needs to be reassured that she can still figure out who she is even though she is married.

I would encourage her to join a club, do something in the community, volunteer, something on her own. That way she can see that she that she can experience life without compromising her marriage. Once she has found an outlet that fulfills her, she will have more energy to put into her marriage.