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Gingerkid52 · Nov 12, 2007, 01:09 PM

Some of you may recall I posted here a few times around a month ago... basically I'd been left dumbstruck when my boyfriend of almost a year just freaked on me one day after an argument... he went off to work for the weekend and sent a text saying he needed a few weeks no contact to decide what he wanted from his life etc... many of you gave me advice at the time, something I am still grateful for... many thanks to everyone who cared enough to take the time to respond.

I did no contact for five weeks - it wasn't terribly hard, I was so distressed I couldn't bear to speak to him. I'd lost the love of my life and had no idea what to do. I did everything I could to maintain this... he'd said he wanted no contact, I was certainly not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me weak... it killed me, but he wasn't having that last little bit of me.

Until one day - five weeks and one day since I'd seen him - I got up and decided I could do it no more. I knew I was unable to move on until I knew one way or the other. I text him, said we needed to talk. In minutes he replied, said he'd come round the following evening.

And he did. He looked terrible. I had lost a stone and a half so was unable to pretend everything was fine! Seeing him and talking to him was like old times, was like he'd never been away.

He sat and cried, explained it all went way out of hand... the moment I left his house that first night he wanted to come and sort it out, but decided to let the dust settle, hence asked for a few weeks. Then time wore on. He was terrified I'd hate him, would tell him to get lost and he didn't know what to do. He rarely went out, let his job suffer, let his house turn into a mess, hardly shaved or showered, never shaved his head... you could see by looking at him he'd suffered too. - I was looking good, he was a mess!

He left that night, we agreed to meet a week later... and we ended up back together. Its been three weeks now and we've never been happier. He has told me this has been the worst experience of his life, but he was scared to come talk to me. I asked what would've happened had I not made the move and he admitted he would have done it himself that weekend. He basically couldn't live without me, and being without me made him realise. It also made ME realise too in that time - now we just know we're meant to be together... talking how we'll get married one day, planning moving in together soon. Its great.

I just wanted to share this with other posters. Basically, every situation is so different. People can tell you what to do, but in the end you do have to follow your heart. But do it properly. I didn't chase him at the time, I let enough time go by for me to sort my head out as much as I could, but the time came when I knew something had to give. Had I followed advice and not contacted him, would I be in this situation now? He says my contacting him was the push he had been waiting for - he's a gentle sensitive man with little experience with women, and while he says he would've contacted me eventually, he was so terrified it was easier to put it off everyday - as long a he didn't know for sure I hated him, it was easier for him to get by.

But things can come good in the end. As I say every situation is different, but I now fully believe its meant to be it will be. Neither of us have any doubt now about the other - perhaps it was even a good thing in the long run? It sure made us appreciate each other more.

If you're meant to be, you will be... now I know that's true.

jolienoire · Nov 12, 2007, 01:14 PM

Glad that you had a happy ending! But this worked because you allowed him the time that he asked for without being pushy! We all suggest no contact, the rule is pertinent in the healing process, and you were brave for calling, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I am happy for you hope everything works out... Also make sure the next time you make it clear to him to talk about it before he reacts and decides to just give up on the relationship.

kuulski · Nov 12, 2007, 01:20 PM

WOW! I am so glad to see another positive story on here!

Thank You

Your story truly made my day!

:>)

Jiser · Nov 12, 2007, 02:42 PM

Good luck. I would be wary !

friend4u178 · Nov 12, 2007, 04:23 PM

Wel done! Always good to hear a happy ending. Just make sure the lessons learnt are put into practice.

Sad Soul · Nov 12, 2007, 04:33 PM

Enjoy this second chance together, but also, be vocal about what you want (that is, remember to state that you both have to have open communication from now on, and you won't stand for it if he won't be brave enough to "communicate" with you). If he can't communicate from now on, you're heading down a dangerous road.

Believe me, that since your hand was left in the dirt, it's you that should be getting the most comfort here, and not him!

That said, we all make mistakes. This was his mistake. And you're both fixing it. :)
Enjoy this time together, and love each other. The key is to love each other "maturely" and to make the most of this second chance.

Gingerkid52 · Nov 12, 2007, 05:10 PM

Oh don't worry, there is NO WAY what happened before will happen again. He knows that I would never accept that again. What happened was a mistake on his part. One mistake can be worked around, but no more chances.

The problem with people saying "i would be wary" is the point I was trying to make before. I know the man, you don't, and every situation is different. I know what he's like, he's my best friend, and while every piece of advice is always gratefully received, sometimes its impossible to advise fully when you don't know the person, or what the individual circumstances are... I know my situation was as it was, but it will not be like that for everyone... he made a mistake, he knows it, and I find as you get older you get a whole new perspective on things... I guess I know myself better than anyone, and I know that giving it another go was the right thing to do.

I guess its all down to the individual at the end of the day.

madaman · Nov 12, 2007, 05:36 PM

It is nice to see the other 3% of breakup situations.

friend4u178 · Nov 12, 2007, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by madaman

It is nice to see the other 3% of breakup situations.

If only the percentage were really that high :-)

jolienoire · Nov 12, 2007, 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

If only the percentage were really that high :-)

There are reasons they Are called Ex! I remember breaking up with a guy and him saying you would never find another man like me I said I hope not if I don't want you why would I want someone like you! The things we say and do... lol

friend4u178 · Nov 12, 2007, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

there are reasons why they Are called Ex! I remember breaking up with a guy and him saying you would never find another man like me I said I hope not if I don't want you why would I want someone like you! The things we say and do... lol

LOL :-) Very good Jolie

cerisa · Nov 12, 2007, 05:55 PM

While I am happy for you Kid, this gives false hope for so many who hang on every microscopic chance of their love returning. Good Luck to you both.

jolienoire · Nov 12, 2007, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by cerisa

While I am happy for you Kid, this gives false hope for so many who hang on every microscopic chance of thier love returning. Good Luck to you both.

Yes people may see this and start calling up the EX and get rejected and have to start all over with the healing process... some need an excuse to call and this is the perfect one.. It worked for one of the 3% success rate of reconnecting...

heat515 · Nov 12, 2007, 06:33 PM

Thanks for this post. I don't think it gives false hope, I think it just reminds us that true love exists.

So what if we get false hope and it takes us a while to get back on our feet? I thought I could get an ex back and I went through almost a year of pain to pick myself back up. It took him getting engaged for me to finally let it all go. Yeah, it sucked and yeah it was miserable, but I wouldn't change that pain for anything. Why? I became a stronger person. I found out what a true friend is and I learned more about myself that any other experience in my life.

Again, thanks for an encouraging post and good luck to you. Follow only what your heart tells you.

Suelle383 · Nov 12, 2007, 06:50 PM

Similar situation here. We were broken up for 2 1/2 months. I thought I was going to die, but I never let it show. I never contacted him although he called me every so often. I always acted like everything was fine and tried to be as short and general as possible. Then the phone calls became more and more frequent until finally I said "what do you want from me? stop calling me." Then basically his floodgates opened and I discovered that he was actually doing worse than me with the break-up. (And all this time I was killing myself thinking he was having such a great time.) Well, its been about 2 months since we got back together. The first month was a little rocky... because you have to remember what caused you to breakup in the first place and learn and resolve those issues before you can move on. Make sure not to fall back into the same patterns and think everything will work out.

I think the point of any of these so-called "happy endings" is that (1) there's no such thing. Relationships take work and continual attention and growth, don't just settle back into things and think it'll be fine and (2) if you're the dumpee, there's nothing you can do to get the person back, you can't make someone come back to you (doing things to get a person back will only serve to push them farther away). Focus on yourself and your own happiness. People (whether its an ex or new future love) are attracted to happy people, not clingy needy sad people. My ex came back cause he wanted to come back, not because I used any sort of manipulation or coercion to get him back. I guess its partly luck of the draw. And we're both working on making the relationship better than before and have identified the behaviors that caused our break-up to beging with. I'm very happy and I hope everything works out but I'd be hesitant to call anything a "happy ending". Its not a race or a story book. This is real life.

friend4u178 · Nov 12, 2007, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

Similar situation here. We were broken up for 2 1/2 months. I thought I was going to die, but I never let it show. I never contacted him although he called me every so often. I always acted like everything was fine and tried to be as short and general as possible. Then the phone calls became more and more frequent until finally i said "what do you want from me? stop calling me." Then basically his floodgates opened and I discovered that he was actually doing worse than me with the break-up. (And all this time I was killing myself thinking he was having such a great time.) Well, its been about 2 months since we got back together. The first month was a little rocky...because you have to remember what caused you to breakup in the first place and learn and resolve those issues before you can move on. Make sure not to fall back into the same patterns and think everything will work out.

I think the point of any of these so-called "happy endings" is that (1) there's no such thing. relationships take work and continual attention and growth, don't just settle back into things and think it'll be fine and (2) if you're the dumpee, there's nothing you can do to get the person back, you can't make someone come back to you (doing things to get a person back will only serve to push them farther away). Focus on yourself and your own happiness. People (whether its an ex or new future love) are attracted to happy people, not clingy needy sad people. My ex came back cause he wanted to come back, not because I used any sort of manipulation or coercion to get him back. I guess its partly luck of the draw. And we're both working on making the relationship better than before and have identified the behaviors that caused our break-up to beging with. I'm very happy and I hope everything works out but I'd be hesitant to call anything a "happy ending". Its not a race or a story book. This is real life.

Well said Suelle
I remember your story and you were very strong , I really hope it all works out for you.

kuulski · Nov 12, 2007, 07:38 PM

I hope people read this post and get what I got which is IF and is a STRONG IF the person you were with is who you want after the dust settles that you be ready to deal with the situation by having yourself prepared and ensuring you identify the issues clearly. What would have happened had she not been taking care of herself? How fast would he have ran out the door if she was not taking care of herself during that time.

Gingerkid52 · Nov 13, 2007, 05:38 AM

I really wish I'd never bothered.

There are some very nasty bitter people around, on this forum.

Thank you to those who gave me some encouragement. As for the rest of you, I don't think any of you should be offering people advice... you're all so bitter from your own experiences that you clearly have no interest in people being happy.

So I've given false hope now have I? What by TELLING THE TRUTH?? What sort of nasty people are you? Seriously? People asked me to keep in touch a month back, and this is what I did.

To those of you who have not been offended by my "alleged" happy ending, then good for you, and I hope its helped.

The rest of you, quite frankly, can whistle.
What an unpleasant bunch of people.

galileo235 · Nov 13, 2007, 11:04 AM

I like your story. Thanks for posting it. There are happy endings, if you don't get back together, then with someone else. Stories like this remind me that I won't feel like crap forever. Best of luck to you :)

cerisa · Nov 13, 2007, 11:25 AM

I wrote that I am happy for you, and I wished you luck.
What more did you read into that for you personally? My concern for others not as fortunate as you is not out of nastiness, nor bitterness. But an educated, caring, statement of facts.
As for myself ,my husband and I have a long, loving, and very successful marriage. We had our problems along the way, as most people have, and we were fortunate to overcome them.