[MarMar27]

Ok I was dating someone for 3 months we use to have crazy sex.. when I got pregnant we still did until I hit like 3 or 4 months he stopped coming on to me like he use to I would go to sleep with him and he would just always go to sleep and when I would try to be on him he always ignored it and he said he was always tired and he wasn't feeling sexual so I started feeling like there was someone else. I would always cry so I decided to just distance myself from him because I didn't want to get hurt... and he always just said he was tired and that he wasn't having sex with no one else but I didn't believe it.. we had sex again when I was like 6 months pregnant and he came in like 5 minutes and he was like " I told you I havent had sex in a long time" well we started argueing a lot because at one point He just stopped calling me back like he said he would and he was always with his friends but I just felt there was someone else... so I stopped talking to him for like 2 months and he never called me either until I hit my last month in my pregnancy... so OK my baby is 2 months old I don't really see him that much maybe like twice a week(because of certain reasons) he's only allowed to see the baby twice a week for now. The last time he had sex with me was when I was almost 7 months pregnant and We got into an argument not too long ago because he thinks I'm having sex with someone else or "talking to someone else" and then I tell him that I know he hasn't gone 4 or 5 months without having sex and he keeps telling me he hasn't done anything for a long time and he never messed with another female while I was pregnant and that he still hasn't and he tells me how much he truly cares for me and all this stuff and how he want to work things out with me and not argue so much.. but not too long ago (he doesn't know this) I was at his apartment and he left to the store and I went through his dresser and I found 2 condoms and a pair of boxers like right where the condoms were and his boxers don't go in that drawer and I never mentioned it to him cause its not really my place to go through his stuff.. and I know he would get mad about that... but that just proved to me that he has been having sex with someone else because we haven't had sex since that one time... and until this day he says there's no one else... I want to tell him how I saw the condoms but I know it would just bring a big argument.. and now he acts like I always wanted him to act towards me like he cares and he wants to be with me and stuff but I just don't know what to believe.. and we still haven't even had any body contact... please help what should I do should I tell him I went through his things or leave it alone?. and why would a pair of boxers be crumbled up along with 2 condoms because he had sex right?!

[MarMar27]

And When I was about 6 months pregnant I had sex with my ex boyfriend because I was pregnant and my horomones were driving me crazy and he just wasn't giving me the attention I wanted and I always thought their was someone else... was this wrong? Because I don't feel guilty about it.. he treated me so badly also and there was a couple of times I caught him talking to his ex girl on the phone and he claimed he didn't have nothing to do with her.. she has a boyfriend and all but to me it felt like she didn't want nothing to do with him and SHE wouldn't give HIM the time of the day and it seemed like he was always trying to talk to her. I felt like a rebound also! And I never treated him wrong he would always argue with me over stupid stuff and cuss me out and threaten me and all kinds of things Ive made a lot of posts on him on here where it tells our story so I'm not going to get into that on this post... but now he's always apologizing for what he did and I don't know if maybe he has had a change of heart now that the baby is here and he claims he's trying to be a better person and I have seen a lot of change in his attitude and personality over the past 2 months... but its just so hard to believe him.. and we've had this talk so many times.. and just the fact of what I saw in his dresser just blew everything.. maybe I just need to let it go...

[J_9]

Mar, hun, I think you already know that this is a very unhealthy relationship. Maybe it's time to consider the emotional wellbeing of your child and get off this rollercoaster ride and devote your life and your time to your baby.

[MarMar27]

I do.. I love my child and I want nothing but the best and I always tell him I don't want our problems to affect our baby in the future but every time I leave him alone he wants to come back and its just so hard cause I don't know what to believe anymore.

[J_9]

Every time you leave him alone he wants to come back... Every time he comes back he wants to be left alone?

How can this be healthy for you, let alone baby? Tell him to stop playing games, he is a father now, you are a mother now. Time for the high school games to end. He's either on board with you or not. Period.

[MarMar27]

Well I mean I left him alone while I was pregnant... and then after I had the baby I told him I didn't want nothing to do with him like that... but he wants to work things out he doesn't want it to be that way.. I don't know what's right and wrong any more

[J_9]

Okay, you are freaking out cause you found dirty boxers and condoms in his drawer... you had an affair with your ex during your pregnancy. You both seem very suspicious of each other's actions.

Does this sound healthy to you?

[MarMar27]

Because he always claimed he didn't care what I did and that we weren't together and that he was going to do what he want.. so I did me.. I didn't think he would care later on what was going on with my personal life, and he pretty much chose to do other things while I was pregnant.. drugs etc.. I was hurt and felt alone.. so I just said whatever.. Yeah its not healthy at all I agree with that.. But I am confused, very confused all I can do is pray to God to help me.. I really just want to let him go but it's hard sometimes when you feel like maybe he is really trying to change... but it's better to not even waiste my time and think about that right.

[Synnen]

Who cares if he is TRYING to change.

Go your own way... get healthy mentally YOURSELF for you and your baby, and let him actually MAKE changes, away from you, to prove that he CAN and really DOES want to, and isn't just stringing you along.

YOU need to make some changes too. You don't need a guy to be happy, and you certainly don't need a guy that plays you like this to be happy.

[MarMar27]

That's true

[AbL6669]

Sounds like you are a safe bet honey. He is not a father nor is he a participating member of the relationship. Reevaluate your relationship with him. He is the father so either have him pay for his child through the courts or distance yourself from him.

I would stop having sex with him and I would have myself checked for any diseases out there and I would Tell him to leave. You will have to decide for yourself what you want.

Either way I hope you find peace and Love

[MarMar27]

Thank you.. I did stop... him and I haven't had sex in 6 months and I'm going to leave it that way because why fall back into that all over again right.. that would just be my own fault... so I'm done with him.. I Don't want to be back and forth with someone nor have a relationship with someone I'm going to have to question all the time when there are good men out there.. I need a real man that will know how to take care of me.. cause he sure doesn't know how to.. I have distanced myself from him also... and he noticed it too.

[AbL6669]

Good for you dear. You have made the start to a good beginning. I would make a list of qualities in a man that I desire and I would put it where I can see it all the time, that way it is on my mind and it is drawn to me. At least 10

Good luck with Love and you beautiful baby

[Queen0804]

Mar you really need to forget about this jerk who wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. You were carrying his child and he treated you that way so my suggestions to you would be leave him ALONE. There are plenty fishes in the sea. Be patient and you'll find a great guy for you and your child. Of course he is the father, so let him see his child sometimes but as for you let him be because you don't need a jerk in your life. You need a gentlemen and not HIM!

Good Luck and I hope you and your baby have the best of times.

[Farmerjohn692000]

Yep it sounds like your guy was messing around, you should just break up with him and find someone who wants to be with you and your baby, and when he asks why tell him you seen him with the other person, and if he tries to call your bluff tell him about the condoms. IF he don't want to man up then to bad his loss

[Ash123]

He was NOT ready for the pregnancy...and i think it reasonable that he had a mental adjustment and pulled back a bit - as you developed your pregnancy.

That seems reasonable and I think understandable.

But your relationship is more flawed than that. He is with other women and you are with other men... there is no love, trust, respect... just 2 people and a baby that is not getting top billing here.

You need to focus on the child and if this man wants into your life it is not now. He has checked out and you all need counseling quick. Or accept that you are not a good pair and grow separately... time to... grow up, as they say.

He is going to be paying child suport and you are going to need to build a good home.
SEX is kind of secondary for the next several months...

[MarMar27]

Mar u really need to forget about this jerk who wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. You were carrying his child and he treated you that way so my suggestions to you would be leave him ALONE. There are plenty fishes in the sea. Be patient and you'll find a great guy for you and ur child. Of course he is the father, so let him see his child sometimes but as for you let him be because you don't need a jerk in your life. You need a gentlemen and not HIM!

Good Luck and I hope you and your baby have the best of times.

He is a jerk... and exactly he wasn't there for me and now he want to be there but it's a little too late for that. His own mother tells me there will be someone better for my child and I

[MarMar27]

He was NOT ready for the pregnancy...and i think it reasonable that he had a mental adjustment and pulled back a bit - as you developed your pregnancy.

That seems reasonable and I think understandable.

But your relationship is more flawed than that. He is with other women and you are with other men....there is no love, trust, respect.....just 2 people and a baby that is not getting top billing here.

You need to focus on the child and if this man wants into your life it is not now. He has checked out and you all need counseling quick. Or accept that you are not a good pair and grow separately...time to.....grow up, as they say.

He is going to be paying child suport and you are going to need to build a good home.
SEX is kind of secondary for the next several months....

He isn't mature enough.. and counseling is not an option for me I have distanced myself very much I know I can move on its just depressing sometimes when I wish things weren't the way they are and we are not a family the way it should be but that's his fault I just don't want my son to grow up asking why daddy and mommy don't live together and aren't together but its better to get him accustomed to that now then later on in life. I usually drop the baby off at his parents house and that's how he see's the baby by going over there I just can't stand even seeing him.. and now his family feels like Im uncomfortable around them because I never stay over there but what for if we're not together right? I shouldn't have to feel obligated to be around him when he hurt me and I don't want to be around him.. we have small talk like when he calls to see how the baby is doing and such but we keep it at that limit. Ive already told him to not call to speak to me unless it has to do with our child..

[Ash123]

How did you u get pregnant?
How old are you?

A plan needs to come together here soon.

[MarMar27]

How everyone gets pregnant why?