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Randall Boone · Oct 31, 2007, 02:17 AM

Can you please help me. Here is a quick background. I met a girl and had a relationship with her for over a year. I found out later that she was actually married and her husband was in Afganistan. Needless to say we broke up but had a baby before we did. She told me 1 1/2 years later he was mine and even let me visit with him before I flew back home.(I was getting out of the military) She told me before I left that I would be able visit him often and not to worry about doing anything legal. She is back with her husband and now she won't talk to me. I've told her I was going to get a lawyer but that just makes her mad. She says that if I pursue it legally that I'll never see him again. I just need to know if I have a case because I don't want to take the chance of never seeing him again. I want to pay child support and I want visitation. Is there any thing I can do? Thank you so much.
-Randy

p.s. my name is not on the birth certificate
And I am 100% sure he is mine because he looks just like me.
Also she is non-cooperative and most likely will not agree to anything.

famlee · Oct 31, 2007, 02:52 PM

In some states, if she was married, then her husband is legally that baby's father. If she won't cooperate with you, then your only choice will be to hire an attorney and seek visitation/custody or walk away.

Randall Boone · Oct 31, 2007, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by famlee

In some states, if she was married, then her husband is legally that baby's father. If she won't cooperate with you, then your only choice will be to hire an attorney and seek visitation/custody or walk away.

Thanks for the response. Well, I know walking away will never be an option for me, especially after I know he's mine and I've spent time with him. My only fear of getting an attorney is if it doesn't work. Then I'm screwed. :(

famlee · Oct 31, 2007, 04:33 PM

The only reason it shouldn't work is if she proves the child is not yours or she can prove you unfit to be in his life. Proving that you shouldn't have any visitation, not even supervised, is very hard to do. Most courts strive to keep both parents in the child's life and do what is in best interest of the child. You might not win custody, if this is what you want, but you most certainly should be allowed visitations. How far apart do you live? If it is a good ways, you most likely wouldn't get every other weekend or like that due to the expense, but so many days out of a month/ certain holidays for x amount of time, and so much of the summer.

Good luck.

ScottGem · Oct 31, 2007, 05:42 PM

You can get a free consultation before deciding how to proceed. If her husband is on the birth certificate then you might have a hard time here. As famlee said, if the husband accepts the child he's the legal father. It may be too late for you go through a paternity test and get yourself acknowledged as the father. But that is your first step. Once you can get that done, then you can file for custody and visitation.