[peggyhill]

My fiancée and I are planning a wedding in a year and a half. I don't have any living relatives. I have lots of wonderful friends who always invite me over for the holidays. Before I was with my fiancée, I always had my choice of places to spend the holidays. His family expects us to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with them this year. They called and told him they expect us there for 3 days on Thanksgiving and 5 days around Christmas. They know I don't have relatives, so they know we won't be going to see my parents. The problem is, his family is horribly rude. Their house is dirty, they swear, fart, burp, and talk about bathroom habits at the dinner table. I have never been around anyone so rude in my life. His mom is very polite, but is unable to get his dad, sister, brother, and brother-in-law to follow her example. I don't want to spend the holidays with these people and neither does he. The thing is, it's the only time his brother from England gets to come home and visit. He feels that if he doesn't show up everyday that his brother is there, he is missing his chance to visit. I'm fine with him going over there, but they expect me to also. I don't mind visiting on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day or Eve, but I draw the line at spending more than 3 days with these people. My fiancée says he understands how I feel, but I should do it because they will be my in-laws. I realize I will have to spend time with these people, especially if we have children, but I want to celebrate with my friends as I have before. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can politely balance the time between friends and my "wonderful" in laws? Also, I have to follow a strict diet due to medical reasons. His family cooks most of their food contrary to these guidelines. They get so offended if I only eat a salad and a dinner roll or something. I have explained many times that this is due to health issues, not because I don't like their food. His mom told everyone that I was anorexic. I'm soooo not I just can't eat lots of the stuff they make. I have a real medical condition and they just don't get it. They tell me it "won't kill me to eat it one time" and they have repeatedly told my fiancée that they are offended by this. I can't get it through their heads that if I eat these foods one time they will make me feel very sick, which isn't how I want to spend my holidays. I don't ask them to prepare special foods, nor have they ever asked. In fact, they told my fiancée that they were not about to change their menu because I am "picky". I know the food I eat will be an issue again this year. Anyone have any advice? I'm dreading the holidays because of these people.

[PoliticallyCorrect]

I have a real medical condition and they just don't get it..

If you have a medical condition that requires a special diet, they need to know what it is and understand it. I suggest you find some suitable literature and ask your boyfriend to go through it with them. Then it will be easier on everyone.

[msjulia1]

They sound like my family. There is no way to reason with and be polite and get your way with this breed of In-laws. My advice is LIE. Make up a very carefully thought out lie to get you out of spending extra time with these people. You may even need to get fake confirmation to show them you "are not lying about needing to leave". Props if you will. Phone call from a friend. Maybe even on speaker phone for everyone to hear. But, DO NOT let them know that you are intentionally showing them proof that you need leave. Be smooth about it. They are probably snoopers from the sound of it.

[dontknownuthin]

- Stay in a hotel
- Limit visits to 3 days maximum if that's your boiling point
- Your close friends get equal time to his family - they have become your family.
- Enough is enough - you should agree to let a lot slide and he should agree to just go home with you when you are directly offended.
- Tell the family that you won't tolerate comments that you're anorexic or other derision about your diet - it's medically necessary and you rpersonal business and if they can't let you eat what you can tolerate, or bring your own food and enjoy it in peace, you will not be able to be with them because you can't go days without food.