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simple_whisp · Sep 25, 2007, 02:30 PM

Okay, long story short, I have been dating this girl since the summer. She is the quiet type. I am not. That doesn't really bother me, because when we are together she can get very loud and fun. What does bother me is that my personality is something I like to call, playfully romantic. With all women, I am very flirtatious. Since we started going out I have always initiated everything, always send texts with lovely messages, always get flowers that go unappreciated, always it's me. And always, I get nothing in return. At first I thought, okay, she is shy. She will get more playful and flirtatious with me over time, as she sees how much I do and how much she enjoys it. (Who doesn't love being called beautiful/lovely/gorgeous, etc etc) I don't go over the top with it. But I barely get anything in return. She picked up on it a little, and sometimes I get a nice reply. Now, I don't want to sow picky or anything, I don't have such a big ego. It's just that every other girl I have even just been friends with is like this with me, and I miss that quality in her. It has bothered me enough that I want to tell her. Like, "Hey, you know how when i constantly am playfully romantic and etc, (even though she doesn't really care), maybe you can be that way with me, because im not feminine or anything, but i enjoy flirting and its a fun way to become close with people." we have been going out for about 2 months, and I can never find the right moment to tell her, it effects everything from a simple afternoon, no a night of sex. Not sure how to deal with this. I always am like this with her friends and they are like that with me, so it's weird. I don't want to her her feelings, but if I don't tell her soon, It might just bother me enough that I would break up with her. I wouldn't want to do that to her, although she never expresses her opinions which bothers the hell out of me, I have come to terms with that she really does like me, because she does do a lot for me, so I can get past the quietness. But not being playful, and that clash with my personality is really hitting hard now. There isn't a moment in time I don't wish for someone more who I feel is my type of person, who I can have fun with, who can relate etc etc. I can't break up with this girl, but I just want her to change, I want her to realize how she is just, well it's just not attractive, and I don't really feel that close to her. If it continues, I will feel like I am just using her for material items and sex. Pleas give some advice, ask questions, w/e u can. I am desperate, I can do so much better then this girl. She is tied in with me now though, always hanging out with my friends and her friends together, So if she doesn't change, It's going to be hard as hell. I just either want to forget about her completely and have nothing to o with her, or have her change into what I would be... I don't even know why I still go out with her, cars/sex/money... I feel so bad for her, advice pleas

Thanks, sorry its so long and convoluted

I just want to be able to like her the way any girlfriend deserves to be felt about by their boyfriends..

I wonder, cause she never really expresses it, like no text emssags at work and things I do for her. Does she even like me or does she think of me as her boy to fling around...

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr · Sep 25, 2007, 02:50 PM

Well, some girls are just quiet like that, maybe the two of you are just emotionally incompatible. She may also be bothered if you are too flirtatious with her friends. Are your sweet actions solely focused on her?
Sorry I'm not much help about this, I don't have much information though. Maybe you could let her read this post you put up.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 25, 2007, 02:59 PM

If you feel you are incompatible with her, then the relationship won't go anywhere. It will stay right where it is. Using someone is not right, so if you feel like you are using her it is best to either end it, or tell her how you feel. Trust and honesty are a couple of necessities in a relationship, so be honest with her. Tell her that this bothers you, and ask her why she doesn't show you the affection and playfulness you show her.

The part that you should focus on is that you are having doubts about your relationship. The fact that you said "i dont even know why i still go out with her" is a good indicator that she is probably not the one for you. If she was the one, you would know why you are with her.

**EDIT** - Is there anything she enjoys doing that gets her to open up more? Maybe you could do these things with her.

simple_whisp · Sep 25, 2007, 03:38 PM

Wow! Thanks for the fast responses.

Few things: I have tried before to tell her how I feel, but always before I tell her, I just think to myself, maybe that is just the way she is and I should be happy with what I have. She does have an amazing personality. And I do like being in a relationship, (but then I feel I'm using her).

I want to tell her, but often I ask her to do something, or at least expect her to, for example/ I have told her I wanted to talk to her, and she just doesn't get that maybe after she is done working to call? Or that maybe instead of going out with her friends as usual everyday, on my one moment off, take a second to acknowledge this and spend a few moment together?

I hope to tell her tonight at least, I don't want to hurt her, but she just throws so many mixed feelings and messages at me, I can't help but be confused. Thanks for all the advice thus far!

nauticalstar420 · Sep 25, 2007, 03:45 PM

If you decide to tell her, sit her down in an environment where she is comfortable, and be nice!! Don't bombard her with all of these concerns to make it look like you are attacking her. Just tell her "honey (or whatever you call her), i have been meaning to talk to you about something so I would appreciate your time". Don't approach her like "i need to talk to you now!!" or anything like that. She is more liable to listen if she doesn't feel threatened.

If she doesn't want to talk and isn't responsive, tries to avoid the talk, etc. you might want to start thinking about what is best for you, in other words, are you happy in this relationship?

You never know, maybe she just needs an extra nudge to come out of her shell. Does she act differently when you are in front of other people as opposed to when you are together alone?

sarah1989 · Sep 25, 2007, 04:32 PM

Wow you sound like my kind of guy ha ha...
This is what happened in my previouse relationship I'd always make the effort
Buy him gifts call him names like beautiful sexy etc etc
He just didn't seem to care and didn't do the same back he said his not that kind of guy
He wouldn't even put a kiss in a message he never bought me anything only for my birthday etc and the thing was I had to pick them out.
The thing is here I could never get him to change but I still loved him all the same and I knew he felt the same
Although a bit more wouldn't have hurt him.
If you really like this girl you'll stay with her regardless but I'm not sure that you'll be able to get her to change I was with my ex for a year and nothing changed
But hey good luck ;)

simple_whisp · Sep 25, 2007, 04:45 PM

Haha wow sarah, you and I :-D. this girl as well as I guess how I have been raised. I get things like that for her, I call the florist especcialy for nice flowers and roses and make some good choices that I think she would appreciate cause that's her favorite color, I get her little nothing gifts cause she likes them, but w/e. I was just on the phone with herm and as usual it got all happy and playful but she coming over here, so I guess I don't know, ill sit down with her, I mean this is probably going to be all news to her, and be like. Listen, there are a lot of things that I like about you, etc etc, and I hope that you see some good qualites in me. I hope that I have at least met your expectations for this relationship, I know you surpassed so many of mine :-D. and then get into the whole, I really like people who are playful and more rooted in affections and energy. But focused. I can have fun doing anything, and with you it just gets better, but you don't have fun, or at least show in yor actions

She here got to run

nauticalstar420 · Sep 25, 2007, 04:51 PM

Good luck hun. Keep us updated! :)

sarah1989 · Sep 25, 2007, 05:58 PM

Gee I'd love to find a guy like you ;) there s not many like you around I can tell you that now.
Id love to get flowers and gifts but it seems like I do all the giving.
Id give anything for someone that wanted to do fun things all the time but yeah not many people like that floating around.
She's a very lucky girl I just don't think she can see that.
Most girls would love to be in her shoes. But either way you have to be happy too and if she's not doing it for you I guess there are plenty more girls out there who would love what you do and give it al back..
Good luck :)

talaniman · Sep 25, 2007, 07:22 PM

Either accept a person for who they are, or move on. Your trying to make her into what you want, and is it really fair to them. I just don't think you should expect someone to change who they are, so you can be happy. What would your reaction be if she told you to stop the flirting, and being Mr, Friendly. You can talk and express yourself and your feelings, but you also have to accept what she does about it.