[sweetness28]

This is the story I met my best friend 7 yrs ago in college I sting feelings for her freshman yr now I kept my feelings secret for a while but she became very affectionate like holding hands and sleeping in the same bed. But she lived a very straight life. I got jealous when she was with other people and she would think I was crazybecause she did not know why. We were inseparable unless she was dating someone we worked together, went to school together we even got an apartment together and a dog. My feelings grew even stronger. After we graduated I finally told her how I felt. She was real cool but any way to make a long story short. Sometimes she tells me she thinks she is a lesbian and then other times she says she only likes boys and she confuses me. But then we flirt with each other all the time. Even when she has a boyfriend. At first I was like you know I am just going to be friends with her and expect nothing else until she pulls me back in. I am so in love with her it hurts cause either she doesn't love me back or she doesn't want to show it. She told me if I was a guy she would have dated me a long time ago maybe even married me. I never make a move on her unless she intiates it. I mean like a hug or handshake or sitting close to oneanother. Then one day she says she wanted to try being with me because she was curious. And like I said she initiates everything. I was in shock so we did it for hours and then for days and then for a week. She loved being with me she said only if I had a penis that would top the cake. Then the following week he met a guy and everything stopped. She still flirts with me but we have not gone far with it yet. Then one day she tells me she tells me that she thinks she does not like boys. And that if l she chose to go that way she wanted to be with me. Then couple days lata she says I could practice with her for other bi relationships but she only like boys. Then she asks me to take her out on dates every time she is with me I pay for everything. She offers but it is like a date but not a date. Lolol its weird. Then she talks about her boyfriend and I get jealous. I always tell her love her and my feelings for her. I turns to me for help, even to hang out she told her boyfriend she rather hangout with me than him. Her ex was jealous of me and called gay. When we lived on campus people thought we ere gay. We are really close we been through a lot together. But now she is living with her boyfriend. I just want to know what she wants from me. Why does she keep pulling me in. Does she love me or am I just something that is always around?
One day I surprised her and took her out for a make over hair makeup outfit I just went all out and I got a limo picked her up and took her too a jazz concert then we went to an exspensive seafood restaurant on the hudson river. Then the limo dropped us off at a hotel and I took her upstairs to room. When she opend the door I had an array of candles lit all over the room with the view of newyork shining through the entire room because it was a suite so the windows were all around. Then I got a room with two double beds with 2 dozen roses and chocolate roses scattered across each bed. And I looked at her I have always loved you since freshman yr and I continue to love you. But with love there comes choice and that is why I have the 2 beds. I told her I never want you to do anything you don't want to do. And I got on one knee and said maybe I can't propose with a ring (And I pulled out 24K Gold Rose)but I can start with a flower. And I asked her maybe I can't have you for the rest of my life but tonight could be a moment that will last forever. Will marrying me for the night? She was speechless. I don't know guys what do you think?

[Ash123]

You are a girl right?

And she is with a guy right?

I am not seeing a lot of future here.

You really need to talk this through with a therapist (get a number from your general practitioner physician or counselor). This is sort of an obsession that needs to be addressed so you can find love. She said "if you only had a Peni-" - and that is direct as you can be. I know it hurts and she held your hand but this has no future that I can see SW28

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to get a brain and get a clue.
She like guys but doesn't have a problem using you as long as you let her. Leave the girl alone and find one that you know is lesbian.

[smoothy]

She has a partner, and clearly isn't interested... let sleeping dogs lay as they say, she's moved on, so should you..

[janedoex]

So I know EXACTLY what you feel... I have something very similar to that going on, in my case she's with me but does not say she's gay, and I told her it was OK, as long as she is with me and no one else. So far its exclusive. I have my insecurities about it, it is very very very dificult for people to understand that when you fall for someone, its not easy to walk away. And that whole gay straight thing... well I honestly think the world would be better off not putting so much emphasis on that, because the world is shades of gray, and those labels are so black and white. But what really bugs me, is how she changes her mind on you so much. One minute she wants you, the next she wants to "practice", for her other bi relationships?? Then she's w a guy? She doesn't know what she wants. But because your always there for her, and giving her the world, she'll never know what she has. There's that saying, "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you its yours", so let her go, and see if she comes back. But not because you lavished her with gifts and grand things, but because she realizes what she has in you. And also, you deserve to be happy, you shouldn't have to wait for someone who can't give you the commitment you deserve... think about it. If you did all those things to her that she's done to you, would she stay?

[smoothy]

Look at it this way. And it helps you let go.

Have you ever been pursued by some creepy loser that you really didn't like at all but was seriously smitten by you, or someone you really don't have any interest in? I'm sure we all have been once in our lives. Consider that now you are part of that group to someone else's eyes.

Keep in mind also that you can be dangerously close to the line that can be considered stalking. And Stalkers do not always have harm in mind. But they share in demanding attention from a person who does not want that attention and does not share the feelings.

Did I say it wasn't easy... well it isn't easy but is part of being an adult in sucking it up and doing what you know you have to do even if it hurts. And I recommend you suck it up and move on. You will get over them. We all do.

[sweetness28]

Kajsdk

[sweetness28]

[QUOTE=janedoex] I like the way you put it because some people don't undenerstand how it feels to love someone so much but trying so hard to ush the feeling away. Eventually I know I will move on cause I have to when someone you are close to tells you that they could feel the same way it is hard to turn away. I feel so alone sometimes because I love this girl so much and it is deep. And when I try to walk away she pulls me back. I am not a stalker, I am not obsessed I love her and because I love her I am willing to let her go but she won't let me go. I hope understand. Cause it seems like everyone else is yelling at me and judging me. I am happy that you have a better opportunity but I rather her stay with her boyfriend cause I know I will never be able to love her as much as I would like to. Thanks again for your comment it helped

[janedoex]

I'm happy that I could help. I know it seems that people don't understand, but its like they say "walk a mile in my shoes..." sometimes someone has to be in that position to understand why people do the things they do... I hope you know that you are definitely not alone in feeling what your feeling, or even in being in that situation/ I can tell you I've heard this story more than once, and told it myself lol. In the end it might work it might not, but you move on, and things get better :) Hope all goes well...