[misterk]

I'm seeing a girl now who admits she's got problems sharing herself emotionally. She's got a fortress up because her previous relationship years ago ended horribly with the guy cheating on her. She told me she's become extremely independent and doesn't know how to be a really good girlfriend. I'm leading the relationship relatively well and I think I'm doing a good job of keeping things moving. She's definitely physically comfortable with me and I know she likes me in return. Only issue is that she still occasionally pulls away suddenly without being able to help herself. She admits she's a tomboy so sometimes she's not always acting like a warm woman. I'm sure some people would advice I keep a steady pace and work things out with her. My issue is am I wasting my time on someone who's going to be like this for extremely long periods? Is there ways to approach this issue? I already talked to her about it and said I'd be supportive. My friend thinks I might be investing my time into something that will be hard on me.

I would appreciate any input especially from those who are similar or have been with those types. Thanks.

[Michimom]

I'm seeing a girl now who admits she's got problems sharing herself emotionally. She's got a fortress up because her previous relationship years ago ended horribly with the guy cheating on her. She told me she's become extremely independent and doesn't know how to be a really good girlfriend. I'm leading the relationship relatively well and I think i'm doing a good job of keeping things moving. She's definitely physically comfortable with me and I know she likes me in return. Only issue is that she still occasionally pulls away suddenly without being able to help herself. She admits she's a tomboy so sometimes she's not always acting like a warm woman. I'm sure some people would advice I keep a steady pace and work things out with her. My issue is am I wasting my time on someone who's going to be like this for extremely long periods of time? Is there ways to approach this issue? I already talked to her about it and said i'd be supportive. My friend thinks I might be investing my time into something that will be hard on me.

I would appreciate any input especially from those who are similar or have been with those types. Thanks.

I really do not believe in wasting time on someone like this. Why go through this drama? Is this the way you want to live for the rest of your life? Because she is not going to "change" for you. This is where she is comfortable, for whatever reason. Let her work out her demons and then rejoin society.
Find a fantastic, healthy woman, build an awesome, solid relationship with her, and never date a woman you have to ask strangers if she's a waste of time or not!

[nkychic]

I don't want to say you are wasting your time, because I'm not sure what this relationship means to you. It seems like your big problem are the walls she's built around herself to keep from getting hurt. Let me tell you, I've been in that Same situation. I had a boyfriend who abused and cheated on me. My heart was so dependent on him that once I finally admitted it was over (to both myself and him), it hurt worse than any cut or bruise I ever got from him. That hurt can kill a person emotionally. It's only natural (although unfair) that someone who was so invested and got so hurt hold it against any one else who tries to come into contact with her. When you trust someone with all your heart and they let you down, it's hard to bounce back from that. Nobody wants to go through that pain the first time, much less again. When it happened to me, I did everything I could to keep people away from that part of me. I felt as long as I didn't give too much of myself, I couldn't lose it. I went through 3 boyfriends before my current boyfriend. He made a vow that he was going to stick by me, and he did. One by one those walls started to come back down. Little by little I began to trust him. He had to be patient. I wasn't always easy to have as a girlfriend. Like your GF, I became a tom boy, because if you are "one of the guys" then you are less likely to get hurt. Now my boyfriend and I have an excellent relationship and have for almost 3 years. He is my world. The only thing now is that I'm still sort of a tom boy, however I can be the loving girlfriend he needs to. On the weekend I'm watching football with him and shooting pool, but at night I'm the girlfriend he always had faith that I would be.

You have to determine how worth it she is to you. Don't sacrifice yourself for this. If you are unhappy, don't stay in the relationship. However, if you see that spark of hope and you want to ignite it into a luxurious flame... be gentle, be true, and be there for her. Either way I hope everything works out and I hope I could be of some help!

<3 Leslie