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mysonismylife · Sep 11, 2007, 11:03 AM

I met my now wife when she had just had a baby and I helped her out of an abusive relationship. I have raised my son as my own since he was 3 months old and he is my life. The bio Bastard as I refer to him has not been in his life at all since my son was 2months old. I have married my wife since, and I am a college graduate whom works two jobs in order to let my wife stay home with her son, I pay all bills, they are both on my health insurance, we pay a lot of money to have our son go to a top pre school and we live in our own house in a safe community.

How long should we wait until we attempt to terminate his rights, I want to adopt so so bad, and I am in fear that if we leave it too long this undisirable person may come and mess up our family. I also fear that if we try too early that it will rock the boat and may force him to cause problems.

GlindaofOz · Sep 11, 2007, 11:09 AM

Here is information about getting a bio to sign over rights.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...st-116098.html

mysonismylife · Sep 11, 2007, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Here is information about getting a bio to sign over rights.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...st-116098.html

Thanks for the reply, I have already read that, and I understand it all but my point is that, we are in fear or basically know that he won't willingly sign over his rights regardless of not wanting any part of it.

Am trying to find out how long is long enough to wait before filing termination papers along side adoption, we don't want to do it too soon in case we loose and he has visitation, I can't allow that.

I need to know when can we get his rights terminated more easy 2 years 3 years 4 years 5 years I mean its pathetic how long the court gives these bastard people. My son is a great kid who has all the love an support he needs, I am terrified that one day the bio scum may come and subject him to things he has never had to endure.

Do you understand a little better what I mean.

GlindaofOz · Sep 11, 2007, 11:40 AM

Yes.

What state do you live in? That might help others find you appropriate answers.

mysonismylife · Sep 11, 2007, 12:50 PM

We Live in Delaware.

macksmom · Sep 11, 2007, 01:01 PM

In Ohio, once it has been 6 months with no contact or interest... that includes paying child support... the mother can file abadonment charges and petition to have the bio fathers rights terminated. At that time it will be brought to court and your attorney will have to prove that there has been no contact and no child support made in "x" amount of time from the bio father, then the attorney will need to show that it is in the best interest of the child if they rights of the bio father be terminated and you be allowed to adopt the child.

If you know already that the bio father is going to fight this, be ready for a battle.

GlindaofOz · Sep 11, 2007, 01:47 PM

I believe it is similar in Delaware. That if there has been no child support and no contact your wife can file abandonment and petition the court to terminate the rights.

Shell_Lee · Sep 11, 2007, 02:10 PM

Many states are NOT looking at paying child support as contact though. This is especially the case if it is automatically taken out of their paycheck before they see it.

I am in a similar boat as you are mysonismylife. My son's father has not had ANY contact with my son in over 1 1/2 years. I was young when I got involved with that man. I didn't know how he was going to turn out. Beating his now wife, raping his sister the year after my son was born, felony burglary, and much more. I will be getting married in April '08. We really want my soon to be husband to adopt my son. We are also wondering how long we should wait to file (after we are married that is)

I think there is no exact answer. I live in WI and it is no contact for 6 months. One judge might look at that and give the father a break though. Another judge might be strict and go by the 6 months. It's really hard to say.

ordinaryguy · Sep 11, 2007, 02:19 PM

The biggest wild card is how the biodad reacts. If he's determined to fight it, it will be really hard to get a judge to terminate his rights against his will. The one carrot you can offer him is that it relieves him of the obligation to pay child support, but if he hasn't been paying anyway, that may not be worth much.

AKaeTrue · Sep 11, 2007, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

The biggest wild card is how the biodad reacts. If he's determined to fight it, it will be really hard to get a judge to terminate his rights against his will. The one carrot you can offer him is that it relieves him of the obligation to pay child support, but if he hasn't been paying anyway, that may not be worth much.

If he's not paying the child support now, he may not ever want to start paying it either...
If he knows that he'll have to start paying the child support along with all the back child support from years of not paying, he might be willing to happily sign over rights.
So, there still might be a shot there.

macksmom · Sep 11, 2007, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by Shell_Lee

Many states are NOT looking at paying child support as contact though. This is especially the case if it is automatically taken out of their paycheck before they see it.

The OP would have to check the laws in his state through an attorney... its not just "contact" with the child, it is the issue of supporting the child as well. In Ohio, paying child support shows "interest" as my attorney and the judges say, it is the bio father financially supporting the child although he may not exercise his rights to see the child.

I do also agree with using child support as a bargaining tool. My daughters father told me he would never sign over his right to my daughter, although he didn't see her. I then told him if he signed over his rights he wouldn't have to pay current child support, back child support, and he would finally be able to receive his tax returns (as I get them until his back child support is caught up). Upon me telling him this, he agreed to sign his rights away. I contacted my attorney and the laws in Ohio had been changed the year before, and under no circumstance could a father sign away his rights (even if the mother was in agreement) unless there was someone willing to adopt the child in his place.

So as you can see, laws vary state to state. Your best bet would be to get a free consultation with an attorney, see what the laws are for you state, and see what advice the attorney gives you as far as when to "move" on this.

Good luck!

mysonismylife · Sep 11, 2007, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by macksmom

In Ohio, once it has been 6 months with no contact or interest...that includes paying child support....the mother can file abadonment charges and petition to have the bio fathers rights terminated. At that time it will be brought to court and your attorney will have to prove that there has been no contact and no child support made in "x" amount of time from the bio father, then the attorney will need to show that it is in the best interest of the child if they rights of the bio father be terminated and you be allowed to adopt the child.

If you know already that the bio father is going to fight this, be ready for a battle.

Thanks for the reply.

Only confusing thing to me is, bio idiot, has had no contact in 3 years, he filled for a mediatio for a paternaty test 1 year ago and he never even showed up to court for his own requested mediation.

We have a great life and I provide everything, and I am educated and in a professional field of work. The bio idiot , is an x offender, has not graduated high school is 22 years old, has not held a job. He has not paid anything in 3 years we have not requested it either I couldn't stand to have his money even if it was available.

Is it really in the best interest of the child or in the interest of bio idiot, seems like one big contridiction to me, do you know what I mean.

To me it sounds like an easy case but I don't know the law and have never been through it.

macksmom · Sep 11, 2007, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by mysonismylife

Thanx for the reply.

Only confusing thing to me is, bio idiot, has had no contact in 3 years, he filled for a mediatio for a paternaty test 1 year ago and he never even showed up to court for his own requested mediation.

We have a great life and i provide everything, and i am educated and in a proffesional field of work. The bio idiot , is an x offender, has not graduated high school is 22 years old, has not held a job. He has not paid anything in 3 years we have not requested it either i couldnt stand to have his money even if it was available.

Is it really in the best intrest of the child or in the intrest of bio idiot, seems like one big contridiction to me, do you know what i mean.

To me it sounds like an easy case but i dont know the law and have never been through it.

No problem :)

Yeah I know its frustrating, and it will continue to be. It will be a constant uphill battle if the bio father fights the petition to terminate his rights.

It's hard when you know a child is in a good place, and YOU know it's best for the child. But many judges don't want to get into the touchy issue of fathers rights, so unfortunately, as I said, if the bio father fights this you will be in for a messy fight.

But you need to think of the child... from what you are saying, it sounds worth the fight :)

Good luck!