[chefraykwon]

Hi, this forum is friggin awesome... I came across it a couple of days ago while looking up ways to get my ex girlfriend back (pathetic, I know).
If you're not into reading rambling stories, here's the abstract: My GF of 2.5 yrs told me she wanted to meet other people two months ago. She made the next two months a living hell for me by acting very distant while I acted all needy... and that pushed her away even more. We finally broke up three days ago. I didn't contact her at all, but she called me last night bawling her eyes out wanting to get back. She is still the world to me but I don't want to let her off so easy. What should I do?

And here's the long version of the story:
I'm 26 and the girl is 24, and we've been going out for 2 and a half years. It's been long-distance (7 hour drive) the entire time, but we've seen each other at least once a month sometimes for weeks at a time. She was crazy about me and I felt the same about her for the first 2 years. We talked about marriage and kids and I thought my future with her was set.
Then a couple months ago, we were both going through some very tough times in our respective lives and started neglecting each other a little bit, and eventually things got pretty bad. That's when out of the blue she said she wanted to meet new people. She told me that she'd had a couple of drinks with another guy (an older guy), and that he had made her realize how immature I was. She wasn't interested in meeting this guy again or anything, but it just opened her eyes I guess...
She had been the WORLD to me and I was pretty devastated, so I became all needy and called her and begged her to come back. That went on for more than a month and the more I did that, the further I pushed her away (if only I had checked out this site BEFORE taking that route). So anyway, three days ago, it all came to a head, and she said it was OVER. But when I got up to leave she started bawling her eyes out, telling me she still loved me and she wasn't sure and all that. But we promised no contact and I left.

A day later she called me crying and telling me she couldn't function without me. Two days later she called again and told me she thought this was a mistake and that she was sorry. She basically wants to get back together now-- after all the pain she's put me through. Deep inside I'm still crazy about her and I'd get back with her in a second but I have a feeling I should play this situation to my advantage. I'm still on a strict no contact policy, so I never call her or email her (I picked up that tactic from this forum)... and I think that's making her feel the void in her life. But where should I go from here? I'm confused about how/ when to take her back. If I play it cool for too long I'm worried she'll lose interest and move on... I also dropped some hints about me possibly meeting a girl.. and that's probably ramping up her jealousy too... Should I stop playing games and take her back?? I NEED HER.

[marcus83]

Well just think, are you happier torturing her and yourself? Or would you be happier taking her out to dinner tomorrow, and gatting along? Its very obvious the no contact worked for you, I wish I knew about this blog 6 months ago, I'm in love acted all needy, now she's dating, its over for me... But its not over for you... stop the game. Go get your girl back.

[chefraykwon]

well just think, are you happier torturing her and yourself? Or would you be happier taking her out to dinner tomorrow, and gatting along? Its very obvious the no contact worked for you, I wish I knew about this blog 6 months ago, im in love acted all needy, now shes dating, its over for me...But its not over for you...stop the game. Go get your girl back.

Well, I'm actually sort of enjoying having the upper hand right now, not torturing myself. I don't want to look too 'easy'. I've even been telling her to go out and meet new people since that's what she wanted, and I'll do the same. And she keeps asking if I've made plans to meet any girls yet... It seems sort of immature but I don't know what to do.

[Zell]

Dude, I'm 20 years old, granted I don't have much experience in long term relationships, but I do know this man. If you love someone, don't play games because it always ends up bad.

[DarckQ]

Hey,

I think it's fine you played the game and you did it very well, I think you better stop the game soon because it's obvious you want to get back to her, the game you played might have saved your relationship. You can still play the game a bit (so that it's obvious for her she doesn't has to make same mistake again), if you're sure she isn't just faking her feeling of guilt, then you should slowly stop the game and give it another try.Never forget what caused this breakup so you (and her) won't make the same mistakes again.

To Zell: I understand your point of view, but in life, there are always games played because it's just a human thing. Sometimes playing the good game can save a relationship (while not playing it at some moments in a relationship can ruin it). Everyone has his weaknesses, but you can't show them all to keep your pride and to keep being interesting and exciting to your partner. You always have to keep a little mystery in a relationship... I'm sure you'll learn this with time as you'll have more experience in long relationships...

Greets.

[Homegirl 50]

If you are enjoying playing the cat and mouse game with her rather than seeing if things will work again, then you need to call it quits any way.
You either want her or you don't. See if you two can work things out or leave her alone. Games are for children.

[s_cianci]

If you want to try and maybe get back with her, then meet up with her. But no talk about any kind of serious commitment or anything like that. Make it as though you're starting all over again, like you just met her. Remember the things that went wrong the first time but don't bring them up to her.

[talaniman]

Should I stop playing games and take her back?? I NEED HER.

Despite the thrill it gave you, game playing is wrong on many different levels, and a relationship built on lies, half truths, and games to manipulate, will never make either of you happy, or healthy. In the long run, you lose. You don't need her you want her, but at what price?? You will find out.

[chefraykwon]

Despite the thrill it gave you, game playing is wrong on many different levels, and a relationship built on lies, half truths, and games to manipulate, will never make either of you happy, or healthy. In the long run, you lose. You don't need her you want her, but at what price??? You will find out.

I think I've seen you post in a lot of these threads, and I'm pretty sure you told people to go No-contact with the ex in order to get her back. (correct me if I'm wrong). So I don't see what the problem is in my situation. I didn't really lie to her or anything. This "game" I'm talking about is the same game most of the people on this forum are advocating, just not contacting the ex and making her wonder... So do you think I should call her now and tell her I'll take her back? She's saying she wants to get back together.

[talaniman]

I think I've seen you post in a lot of these threads, and I'm pretty sure you told people to go No-contact with the ex in order to get her back. (correct me if I'm wrong).

Consider yourself corrected as I have always said no contact is for you to get healthy and make decisions based on facts and not emotions. You may have heard others say it but it has never worked and I'm still waiting for someone to show me different

So I don't see what the problem is in my situation.

After 3 days she wants you back? People in healthy relationships are not confused and don't break up. Whatever her reasons to end this relationship had nothing to do with no contact. You maybe happy she wants you back, but your overlooking the reason for the break, so how can you be so sure her coming back has solved that problem?

I didn't really lie to her or anything. This "game" I'm talking about is the same game most of the people on this forum are advocating, just not contacting the ex and making her wonder...

Again others have their opinion, and mine is that without talking honestly, and getting to the root of the problem, can you solve this break up. If you think 3 days is enough to have calmed down the emotional responses then talk, I really think one of you is more committed and the other is dependant. Which one?? Don't know.

So do you think I should call her now and tell her I'll take her back? She's saying she wants to get back together.

Honestly neither of you have demonstrated true feelings for each other, not from what you have written, only very selfish motivations. So what has changed in 3 days other than her mind has changed. No way do I swallow that one without an honest conversation. Yes talk about it with her but leave the heart at home.

[talaniman]

My GF of 2.5 yrs told me she wanted to meet other people two months ago.

It's been long-distance (7 hour drive) the entire time,

We finally broke up three days ago.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like her idea of dating someone else, fell through, and you broke up and left her empty handed, and now she wants you back.

[Homegirl 50]

I think you two need to sit down and talk to each other. She needs to eplain why she broke up with you and then you two can see if this is something that can be repaired or let it go. But the game playing (making her sweat) is childish.