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kristinadrey41 · Aug 13, 2007, 08:23 PM

Hello,

I met a guy 2 months ago. We clicked immediately,but I was wary because of the age difference(I'm 26,he's 22 but is mature for his age). We really hit it off,and we both were beginning to feel like we were falling for each other a month later. A few weeks ago,he told me he was in love with me. I told him I felt the same,however,almost 2 days after I started to feel doubts and didn't feel the same about him.

At first I felt like we were a perfect match,but now I'm seeing indifferences that I'm not sure I can deal with. These things may be minor to some but to me it bothers me. One is the fact that he wants me to help pay for every date, or at least offer. Not that there's a lot wrong with that,but I never had to help pay for a date or had anyone ask me to. I guess I was spoiled by ex's in the past. So in my eyes I feel it's demeaning to have to help pay or be asked to pay whenever we go out to eat or anything. I was also raised to be old-fashioned,believing in chivalry. He said he was dating this girl for 4 years and she "used" him,he paid for everything,so I feel like I'm bearing the brunt of her actions.

Secondly,he is about to become a cop,and I'm worried that only seeing him one or two days a week will get to me. My mom has told me she doesn't like him,because she doesn't like cops and she says all he talks about is his cop work and he seems cocky. Yes,he can be cocky sometimes but he was never rude or arrogant to my parents. He has a tough outer shell but I have seen that he is in fact,very sweet on the inside,he has done things for me that no other guy ever did.

And a few minor indifferences are the fact that he's a total sports nut(what guy isn't,right?) and I'm not. He loves the outdoors and I'm not a huge fan. He said that we are opposites,but he said he thinks it will work because opposites attract. I like going out to a have a couple drinks,he hates going to bars.

Lately we have been having arguments,mainly because of my doubts. I care a lot about him and like him a lot. I wonder if I should give this a chance or move on.

punkrock58 · Aug 14, 2007, 03:28 AM

I would ask you... if you didn't give it a chance... would you regreat it?

kristinadrey41 · Aug 14, 2007, 06:43 AM

Punkrock- I probably would.Despite all the doubts,I still think about him 24/7. Am I just nit-picking everything or does it look like there are some issues that could be detrimental to the relationship? Could they easily be worked on?

GlindaofOz · Aug 14, 2007, 06:48 AM

Dating someone completely different then your typical type or someone unexpected is like a journey. There are turns and twists that you never expect but its amazing how you come out on the other side. I think that if you relaxed about the differences and just opened your mind you would have a blast.

I dated a guy who was so different from anyone I ever dated. I was really hesitant at first but we ended up showing each other stuff and teaching each other things. I walked out of that relationship with new hobbies and more adventurous. I never wanted to do outdoors stuff and he was an outdoors nut, he hunted, rode motorcycles, rock climbed nothing I'd ever done. I know can count camping, hiking, rock climbing as some of my hobbies.

Enjoy yourself and take it for what it is. Right now my 29 year old friend is dating a 24 year old and she is having a blast. She was always one to worry about where a relationship is going and are we too different and she is finally relaxing and having the best relationship she ever had.

LearningAsIGo · Aug 14, 2007, 07:36 AM

I think you're just in a new relationship and it will take some more time to adjust to each other. Since you obviously care about him and would regret not being with him, give it a shot! He's different than other men you've been with, which takes getting used to, but it doesn't make him a bad guy. Believe me, I was used to men COMPLETELY opposite of my husband... he was different and pulled out a new side of me... a big part of why I married him. ;)

Have an honest conversation with him and point out what you said here (especially about feeling like you're bearing the brunt for his ex). Make sure to tell him you'd regret ending the relationship at this point, so you hope to work these minor things out.

Offer to take him out for a nice meal. :)

punkrock58 · Aug 14, 2007, 01:01 PM

I think that you need to learn and accept ones differents... being different from one another is a good thing cause then you can learn what one has to offer... like what are something's that you do that he has never really done before? Also if you think you would regreat it... dont live with regreat cause then you'll always question what if.

s_cianci · Aug 14, 2007, 03:40 PM

I agree with what the others have said. I don't think the differences between you are necessarily so great that the relationship is doomed from the start. Give it a try and see. You may find that you are truly compatible with each other. Or you may find that you aren't. But you've got to dive in if you want to know for sure.

kristinadrey41 · Aug 14, 2007, 09:52 PM

Tonight we had a long talk about everything. I brouight up some points I had on here,and we discussed what we don't like in the other and what we did like. At first it sounded like he wasn't sure about this and wanted to end it. After it was all said and done,we decided to try to work things out. There are still some things that bothered me. When we first got together,we talked about what we both wanted in the future and it seemed like we both hypothetically, wanted the same thing,marriage and kids, Now he's saying he's not sure if he wants kids and if he did have kids,he wants to be at the age of 28. Now.if we were to be together in the future,that would make me 32 when I have my first child. I know its too early to think about it but I like to think to the future,if I was to be with him in the long run.

It also turns out that he thinks I'm "unpredictable",he said that he's not sure what I'm doing all the time,like if I'm home when I say I'm home. Then I asked if he trusted me,and if he is afraid that I'll cheat on him, and he said yea. I had to drag that out of him. So it turns out we both have the same fear,of being hurt(we've both been cheated on in the past by ex's). It just seemed like he was putting out all these excuses why we wouldn't make it.. like me only seeing him 2 days a week when he becomes a cop. He also said that for the past 2 weeks he was basically being lazy about the relationship because he knew he had me,whatever that means.

The good thing is we decided to compromise on doing things together,like I would go hiking and camping with him and he does something I like with me. I just hope we can work things out,2 months is not enough toime to really know someone or if it will work. We learned that we have communication problems and don't really know a great deal about each other,little things like where we used to work and our background.

kristinadrey41 · Aug 14, 2007, 09:59 PM

I also have another question: How do you know if someone is "the one" and is it possible to not know for a while then somehow it just dawns on you one day.. or do you know from the start? Is it possible to have doubts and problems with someone then find out they were meant for you? Just wondering...