[Homegirl 50]

Hey there, day 14 is almost finished and I'm doing really well. Not thinking of her as much any more but today I was a bit down when I heard a rumour about myself.

Now, the girl who started the rumour is known to gossip.. but I don't know if my ex knows her as a gossip as she doesn't know her very well. The rumour is:

When I was on holiday in the summer I cheated on my ex girlfriend (then girlfriend) and didn't tell anybody.

I've just been told that the gossiper and the ex, are going to a concert together. I'm afraid she's going to tell her about the rumour and my ex will then think I cheated.

What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.

Why are you even worried about it. She is your ex!
If you are worried about what she thinks, she is not the problem, you are the problem. If she and the relationship was as bad as you say, why did you keep going back and why are you worried about what she thinks?
Enjoy your freedom.

[DazT]

The relationship wasn't bad until the last 6 months or so, then it was horrible.

I really am enjoying my freedom and I feel I'm much happier now. I'm really enjoying single life again.

I didn't want to break no contact and that is what I was thinking of doing nickshehe, you have just re-assured me.

[talaniman]

What should I do? I don't want to break N/C.

Don't break it, no reason to, as rumors have no effect on what your doing. Don't even worry how the ex reacts to it, that's her problem not yours.

[DazT]

Hey again everybody.. I have split up with my ex for 8 months now.. She got a new boyfriend a few months later but has now split up with him (she told me she split up with him because she knew what to be in love was like but she didn't love him).

I had a great summer, I thought I was completely over her.. I wasn't thinking about her or anything until one night I bumped into her on a night out. She was drunk, I was drunk and we ended up spending the night together.. We didn't really speak since until a couple of weeks ago..

She sent me a message asking me did I want to meet up sometime.. and I said, "yeah we could meet up sometime if you wanted".. I questioned her on why she wanted to meet up and she said that she "was sick of pretending she didn't still have feelings for me".

So we met up for something to eat and had a great time. It was just like the old days, we just acted the same and said the same things, laughed about silly things etc etc. It was really good and a big blast from the past. That night she texted me and said she would really like to meet up again and that she had really missed me.

The next day, I don't text her and she doesn't text me.. but then the day after, I text her and she appears to be really off with me. I asked her would she like to go to the cinema sometime and she said she would and that she would text me on Sunday to tell me what day she could go..

Sunday came and went and no text message. Now she's writing to another boy on Facebook telling him that she can't wait to next Saturday to see him.

What should my next move be?

[happy_jester]

What should my next move be?

... Like it should've been at the start i.e. NO CONTACT for ex's!!

Clearly this girl is "messing around" with you,big time :( One minute she's all
Friendly,the next you hear nothing from her!!

You'll just have to say,that this one is down to experience.

[Romefalls19]

Yep, she was lonely after her relationship ended and there you were like a dog waiting for a bone. She threw you one, off you went and now she found someone else so you are back to the back seat

[xanadu324]

It's a case of "back-up" she wants you to be there for her, but only on the back burner when there isn't someone else. Break it off before you get too deep.

[talaniman]

Back to NC!!

[JBeaucaire]

It's not confusing, it's just frustrating behavior. Time to remember the WHOLE story of why you originally broke up, and then add this bad treatment to that list.

Feelings don't go away. Remember that. I still vividly remember my first love from THIRTY years ago. So, realize now that those feelings you had for her will always be there, to some degree.

Ignore them, or at least don't put feet on them when you DO think of them.

Don't let her put feet on her old feelings either... unless you LIKE feeling as badly as you do now, resulting from your last interactions with her. Just don't let it happen.

[DazT]

Well, I can understand where the lot of you are coming from but I honestly don't think that she's running back to me because she's just broken up with her boyfriend. She told me that all she did was think of me when she was with him! And she was the one that text me asking to meet up because she still had feelings for me WHEN SHE WAS ON HOLIDAY!

She text me today to tell me she could go on Friday night to the cinema, then I text her back, she took ages to reply.. then I text her back after she had text me and she didn't reply at all. So if she's going to start playing games like this, I'll go to the cinema with her but if she acts the same way like she is now (changing from showing lots of interest to very little interest), I will go N/C again and get her back out of my life.

[JBeaucaire]

Experience has led us to counsel you as we have.

Meanwhile, it is your life to live and life is nothing if not risk. You can, of course, rekindle your adventure with her. And if it doesn't work out a second time, it's not necessarily an "I told you so" situation, either. Things have a life of their own sometimes.

I'm just saying it could work out, or it could fail again. It could fail for the same reasons as it did before or it could be brand new unforeseen issues.

Either way, for good or bad, enjoy the ride, don't over-expect. Let things be what they are... you'll be fine.

Come back here if you need to talk some more.

[bigbird213]

Whatever you do, try to keep your distance and not fall back into old habits. You don't want there to be a "round two" of your breakup should this not work out. Don't get your hopes up and play is cautiously if you decide to continue contacting her...

[DazT]

Thanks for your support guys. I will take things easily and slow.. not show too much interest and will let you know how I get on.

[DazT]

Well, I don't really know how things are going to be honest. We last met up around a month ago, it was a good night.. we went and got something to eat, then I went back to hers.

We bumped into each other on a nightout last weekend, a nice surprise and that encouraged some contact throughout that week.

Overall though, she hasn't shown any interest in wanting to meet up and not much interest in contacting me. Think I need to back off and not take her so seriously..

I was thinking about how I was feeling before she sent that message and my general feeling was that I was over her before I bumped into her on a nightout.. (if you read above you'll know what I'm talking about).. I kind of want to get back to that, I was getting happy again.

These days, she decides my moods. If she contacts me, I'm really pleased and she doesn't be on my mind so much.. but when she doesn't contact me, I'm abit down and she's on my mind more. Strange.

I guess I should just show her little interest so that maybe I'll be on her mind more.. I have no idea what she thinks of me, whether she cares for me because she goes in cycles.. sometimes she seems really interested and caring towards me.. other days she just treats me like another boy.

But then again, we are young and we were very serious when we were in a relationship. I just have to be more patient I guess.

Women!

[kctiger]

I for one think it is awesome that something may spark up again. I would give ANYTHING for my ex to show some feelings towards me. The one thing you need to be prepared for is re-living the pain should this not work. I hope the best for you and this is the cool thing about life... it works out in strange ways. Just don't over analyze anything and be prepared for the worste. I can tell you, my ex and I broke up for a month about a year ago, got back together, and then in August broke up for good. It hurt much more the second time than it did the first... just my situation, but protect yourself and let life happen.

[DazT]

Yeah, I suppose that's one way to look at it. When we had broken up, I thought she was completely over me and never thought we would ever see each other again.

But then I think, if she hadn't of contacted me to meet up, that'd I'd be over her by now instead of thinking about her when she doesn't contact me!

[talaniman]

These days, she decides my moods. If she contacts me, I'm really pleased and she doesn't be on my mind so much.. but when she doesn't contact me, I'm abit down and she's on my mind more. Strange.

That's exactly the basis for NC, as those old feelings get stirred back to the surface very easily.

You are handling it well at this point, as we can see some logical thinking going on.

Its obvious your coping with your feelings, whether you see it, or not.

Way to go. Keep going.

[kctiger]

Just let things happen and don't worry about the things that don't. The only person that can hurt you is you! Yes, she still has feelings for you and yes she contacted you. There is a reason for EVERYTHING. Like I said, the thing you have to remember is have your guard up and protect yourself. Change your phone number... that's what I did. Now, I don't need to look at my phone constantly because I know my ex can never contact me. Go for what you believe in, but don't start to believe you can't get hurt again, because you can.

[DazT]

Thats exactly the basis for NC, as those old feelings get stirred back to the surface very easily.

You are handling it well at this point, as we can see some logical thinking going on.

Its obvious your coping with your feelings, whether you see it, or not.

Way to go. Keep going.

Thanks mate and that's cheered me up getting a comment like that from a man of your intelligence :D!

So do you think I should back off and show little interest? Or go cold turkey with her?

[kctiger]

Cold turkey... if she wants you she will find a way to get you...