[p_rich91]

I'm 16 and my dad is 44. My parents got divorced about 2 years ago. I live part time with my mom and part time with my dad. About a month ago my dad started dating a girl who was interning at his office who is 18! My older sister is 19 and so this is just so creepy. Not only is it creepy but she is annoying. She is like barely older than me and is like trying to be my mom or something. She tries to tell me what to do and I'm like no way and then my dad told me that they were getting serious and if they got married I would have to respect her and listen to what she said. This is the other thing because I think she just tried to get with my dad to get his money or whatever. Does anyone else think this is just wrong??

[SpawnOfAzazel]

I see your dad as going through a midlife crisis, but it definitely does have an "ick" factor. She's not your mother, you don't have to take orders from her.

[happylady123]

Yes, this is so weird. I have a friend who is 22 and her BF's kid is 27. I think it's nuts. She doesn't try to act like a mom because she knows she's not and doesn't want to be. I would freak too if my dad was dating someone 4 years older. How does your 19 yr old sister feel? If I were you I would sit down with my sister and discuss the situation and how you can talk with your dad. Let him know how you feel, that you are uncomfortable with her telling you what to do and that you think she's after his money. Try to make him understand by hypothetically putting him in your place using the grandparents as an example. If all that doesn't work I bet you can do something to end this nonsense. I can only imagine that she is with him for money or something so you have to try to catch her in some kind of act. I'm sure she talks to friends so listen to her conversations. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[p_rich91]

I want to talk to him but it's really hard because she is always around when I'm around and I've told him I want to something with just us but she keeps saying how important it is that we all do things together as a family now and that they have to work on building their relationship. I don't see why he can't see what's wrong with this. She is barely out of high school and told him she would rather take care of him (and me) than waste time in college. And now she just gets to hang out by the pool all day and have a new car and all that. I'm going crazy!

[GlindaofOz]

I want to talk to him but it's really hard because she is always around when I'm around and i've told him i want to something with just us but she keeps saying how important it is that we all do things together as a family now and that they have to work on building their relationship. i don't see why he can't see what's wrong with this. she is barely out of high school and told him she would rather take care of him (and me) than waste time in college. and now she just gets to hang out by the pool all day and have a new car and all that. i'm going crazy!!

:rolleyes: She sounds like a gold digger. Your dad is definitely going through a mid life crisis. If you aren't able to talk to him could you maybe send him an email and explain your feelings on her? It won't guarantee anything, your dad is an adult and can make foolish choices all he wants.

To play devil's advocate maybe this girl truly cares about your dad but trying to be your mom is no way to win you over.

[Canada_Sweety]

First off, if you want to speak with your dad, tell her to leave so you two can have a word, or take him somewhere where SHE is not.
If this is a mid-life crisis, then it will pass and he will feel like an idiot for not seeing that she's a gold digger. However, you have to be understanding to your father in that he is hurting and needs some love and support. Go out for dinner jsut you and him and make sure that woman stays away while you guys have your talk. Tell him what you're feeling and what's going on and if you want then you can tell him that he shouldn't be dating girls who are within the same 5 year range of his daughters.
As for her telling you what to do, THAT my friend, is so not right. You don't have to do a damn thing that she says. And frankly if your father thinks you do, then he is clearly blinded by 18 year old legs (not to be too graphic).
My father married a woman earlier this year and ya wanna know something, i resent her more then I resent humidity, but as both go, you have to deal with it. Just don't let her get to you. She's two years older then you which gives her no right to speak above you especially considering YOU come first to your father.

if it becomes SO unbareable and you notice that she's only in it for the moeny and you can prove it, then make your father chose. BUT be warned, you shouldn't take such action unless you're ready for both sides of an answer. Best wishes and I sure hope she backs off.

[kp2171]

Yes its odd.

I'm younger than my wife, and she had a daughter when she was young, so I'm actually closer in age to my daughter than some people I know are to their brother or sister. I do have a father role, and parenting role, but it's a little blurred, as she could just as easily have been a sister.

Anyway... yes, he is likely going through midlife a crisis. The best thing I can say is this. You are on short time. You are 16. It won't be long until you are an adult and out of the house. I know, it seems like forever, especially when every day is filled with this noise... but it'll pass faster than you think.

Your father is human and will make mistakes. I can't say whether this is a mistake or not. My daughter HATED me when I met her mother. All of her friends and family couldn't believe she could date someone her daughter didn't like. Well... she loves me now and I love her.

Now I know your situ is different cause the age thing is too close and you are both young. This is my opinion... he has a right to have a relationship, and he has a right to expect that the person he is with will help him, if its serious, manage and care for the home, including you.

What I mean is when I enforced a curfew, it was the house curfew, not my doing. If she tries to "mother" you by enforcing rules, you have little ground to argue. If she tries to kiss your arse, well, you don't owe her anything other than to respect that your father is with her right now.

And I would tell your father that your relationship with him demands some time together, without her. If he thinks forcing her into the time you need with him... well he is clueless. Ask him if you have a boyfriend can he spend every minute with you? no. it is healthy to be apart some. My wife and daughter occasionally takes trips together that I don't go on. Its good for them.

So... all you can do is ask him to give you a night. Dinner, a trip to the park, something. If he says that you do all things together as a family, point out that even in a family members need to be able to spend special time together, and sometimes that means one on one.

If he resists, well... do your best to understand he's going through some noise and he's human. My wife's best friend wasn't right for almost 2 years after her divorce. She partied, drank, and I think neglected her kids a little. Wasn't right, but she was mentally not on perfect ground.

After that, just know the time is going to pass faster than you think. The last two years of my daughters HS days flew by, and college even faster. Focus on yourself and your goals. You can't save all around you, but you can set yourself up for who and what you want to be.