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Needed · Jul 31, 2007, 12:09 PM

I am in my 20's and am afraid to touch a man downstairs.
I don't have a problem with everything else, we can be in bed to together or just kissing, and we will be enjoying ourselves, until its gets to him taking out his penis and asking me to touch it I get all afraid and dirty and don't dare do it. I have no idea why it is,I think it may have a psychological link to a few years back when I was forced to give a guy oral.
I would love to be able to please my man as I feel that it is so unfair that just when he gets turned on I am unable to do anything about it, as we have decided to wait until we are married to have sex. If anybody at all can help me in any way, even if its just advice on how to get over it rather than telling me what the problem is I will be entirely grateful.

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 12:11 PM

Have you been to counseling to deal with your rape?

rankrank55 · Jul 31, 2007, 12:29 PM

The best thing you can do is to seek advice from a therapist. If you were just simply timid about touching him there I would give you completely different advice but since your reason for being afraid to touch him down there is phycologicaly connected it would be best for you to talk with a professional before proceeding.

smoothy · Aug 1, 2007, 05:07 AM

I agree get therapy now... its not going to mysteriously change after you get married. Its only going to cause stress. You need help from someone trained in this area to learn to deal with it.

lostinatrance · Aug 1, 2007, 08:03 AM

I was raped a few years ago as well, twice actually. I have the same problem. I saw therapists but they didn't help (but keep in mind, everybody is different, so you should still see one as it may work for you) so I tried the only other thing I could do. I forced myself, I got myself to realize how unfair it is that he tries his best to pleasure me and I can't give him the same in return, so I gave him a blowjob. I forced myself to do it, I said to myself "he isn't one of the guys that raped me a few years ago, this is my boyfriend who loves me and cares about me and wouldn't hurt me." If you can get yourself to believe this, because it should be true.. then you can probably do it. It worked for me, but then again, everybody is different. You should still see a therapist though. Good luck and I hope you can get over the trauma that happened. It's hard, I know.

Kattalover · Aug 1, 2007, 01:19 PM

You said you both decided to wait to have sex until you're married, but maybe you're scared that things will get out of hand if you touch him too intimately? Or that he may pressure you, in spite of his promises?

Have you tried just being naked around each other (not in bed)? Maybe take showers together?

Dennis777 · Aug 1, 2007, 01:54 PM

Hello.

Have you told him why you don't want to feel him. Maybe if you could bring the problem out in the open you both can work it out slowly. If you don't let him know why, he might feel you don't care for him and it will make him pull away from you.

If he cares for you he will give you the time you need to get past this problem. Maybe you could let him take care of himself as you watch. Slowly you can help him until you can do it all yourself.

Dennis777