[CaptainRich]

For years it has been believed that electric light bulbs emitted a substance or energy called light.

Recent studies, however, are proving otherwise: Light bulbs don't emit light - they suck dark! Thus, we should call light bulbs "dark suckers."

The "Dark Sucker Theory" presents a number of basic theorems concerning the properties of dark. For example:
1. The speed of dark is greater than that of light.
2. Dark has greater mass than light.

The basis of Dark Sucker Theory is that light bulbs suck dark. Take, for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.

As with all good things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is classified as a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You'll notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing the dark which has been sucked into it. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have very limited range.

There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these units can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

We've covered a lot today. We'll go into theories on dark mass another time.

[acetc]

May I suggest the next time you go to Home Depot you inquire as to which row they are located on, I need to pick up a new Dark sucker myself.
I think you are on to something here. What else you got?

[ultimate_user_name]

I think you need a science lesson (unless this post is entirely humorous and not serious)

Dark is the absence of light therefore "dark" does not exist, it is only the natural state of things. :-)

[Clough]

May i suggest the next time you go to Home Depot you inquire as to which row they are located on, I need to pick up a new Dark sucker myself.
I think you are on to something here. What else you got?

I would like to know about the same thing as acetc is inquiring about. This is serious business, you know!

[mikezapwnzor]

Ha ha ha... that one was pretty good... too bad dark is the absence of light, thus being that you can't take away dark without adding light...

[benn11]

What, not true. But mind bongling:D

[Capuchin]

I pasted this somewhere before :)

Ah yes here it is:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/physic...ere-76962.html

[Capuchin]

This presents a considerable problem to the future of humanity, CaptainRich. What happens when we run out of dark?? We will all be burned alive by all the residual light that is left!

This is much more serious than global warming!

[CaptainRich]

Here's the mass lesson part:

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass passing through another mass will generate a certain amont of heat. It is commonly known that an operating dark sucker generates heat. The dark sucker with the greater capacities force the dark to travel through the impeding media at greater rates of speed, so they develop greater mounts of heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.

Now, to offer proofs of the theories above: First, that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in fron of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closed door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet; but since the dark is so fast you are not able to see the dark leave the closet.

Secondly, that dark has more mass than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you will see a lot of light. As you swim deeper and deeper, you'll notice it slowly gets darker and darker. This is because the dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the light rise to the top.

Extracted from the Journal of the Tucson Computer Society, July 1990.
The original source was the mewsletter from the Ames Sun-Duster Club, Ames , Iowa.

Many thanks to all who participated.
Tomorrow we can discuss gravity.:eek:

[Marily]

I honestly don't get it, I just read something about darksuckers, lightsucker, candles and what else?