How electric light bulbs really work
For years it has been believed that electric light bulbs emitted a substance or energy called light.
Recent studies, however, are proving otherwise: Light bulbs don't emit light - they suck dark! Thus, we should call light bulbs "dark suckers."
The "Dark Sucker Theory" presents a number of basic theorems concerning the properties of dark. For example:
1. The speed of dark is greater than that of light.
2. Dark has greater mass than light.
The basis of Dark Sucker Theory is that light bulbs suck dark. Take, for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.
As with all good things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is classified as a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You'll notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing the dark which has been sucked into it. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have very limited range.
There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these units can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.
We've covered a lot today. We'll go into theories on dark mass another time.