[darkness1970us]

This isn't entirely relationship stuff, but as the majority is I decided to put it here. I'm going to tell the story backwards, as last night is what finally broke my optimistic outlook. Last night has nothing to do with my GF, but it is the even that has me reeling and wondering what's wrong with me and my relationships.

I'll keep this part short. I have a consistent problem with my daughter saying "I want my mommy" when she has nothing else to complain about. She's three, and I try to let it go even though it is a huge blow to my ego. Last night was a particularly bad run of it on the way home, and culminated with her telling her mother on the phone before she went to bed "I hate my daddy and don't want to go to his house anymore". Needless to say, I've been in a perpetual depression ever since. I can't really get angry with her (She is only three), but it brings back the memories of her mother deciding she didn't want to be with me anymore. Which has me thinking about the problems in my current relationship. Which has me realizing that I am broken and have no idea why or how to fix myself.

My current GF is my 7th serious relationship, which includes two failed marriages and two baby mommas. Relationships generally end the same way. They aren't interested in my anymore. Some of them cheated on me, others just decided they didn't want to be around me anymore. I think my current is falling into the "cheating" category. I don't have any proof, just signals and intuition.

Now. I know that the problem with all these relationships has to be me. The consistency in their endings tells me that it can't be the women. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm not abusive. I'm attentive. I cook. I clean. Yes, I drink. Usually once every week or two, and probably get drunk every 3-4 months or less. I smoke, but that's nothing that I hide and I never smoke in the house, and three of my old GFs smoked as well. I'm not banging the gong three times a night like when I was a kid, but I still keep up with what my body lets me, usually a couple of times a week, and am always offering (but not insisting on) opportunities to cuddle. I'm not by any means a wealthy man, and have had many occasions where I thought I was never going to get out of debt. There again, I don't pretend to have money when I meet someone.

In most of my relationships I have been polyamorous. My GFs usually get a lot more out of that than I do. In my past 7 relationships, I have practiced on my part of the polyarmory twice. One of those was with my current GF, and after her jealous fit I made it clear that it would never happen again, and it hasn't. I know that being poly makes my claim to cheating seem inconsistent. Understand that I label cheating as lying. My GFs are always free to see anyone they want, I just expect to be told about it.

So. This current GF will barely talk to me anymore. She is in communication with her ex boyfriend, again. Last time she decided she was going to leave me, then changed her mind when he quit talking to her. I know that they are seeing one another, and that she doesn't want to tell me about it. Probably it is because she knows that she wants to be with him and not me, but I just want disclosure.

Anyway. With everything going on, I'm on the verge of tears. Probably the only thing keeping me from breaking down is the fact that I don't have time. There is never a solid moment where it is just me, and I refuse to show my depression to anyone else (Thank the goddess for online anonymity). Probably after my daughter goes home Saturday evening I will go out to a bar where nobody knows me and let some of this out there. I guess I just really needed to vent some of it now, before it eats me apart.

Anyone who has read through this whole thing, thanks for listening. I'll post something later on this weekend in the humor thread a little more light hearted :D

[XenoSapien]

First off, I'd say that your standards are set quite low. You are OK with multiple partners with yourself as well as your GF's. This is a big mistake, and your daughter is seeing it. Children do understand things.

As odd as it may sound, women who get waited on hand and foot tend to get bored fast, and it may be that that is driving them away. Especially knowing or being told that you don't have a problem with them having relations with others. You give them too much power and control, and after this excessive freedom they get from you, bordem sets in.

Keep your pants on, stay with one woman and one woman only, and do not let them or you have relations while you are exclusive to one another. I may not know all of the facts, but this is just my perspective from what I've read.

XenoSapien