Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #1

    Jul 12, 2007, 07:17 AM
    One liners
    I haven't seen any humour on here today, and all the upsetting posts are getting me down a bit, so I thought I'd interject some fun into Thursday! Add any you have, as usual! :D

    My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

    I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day. I was dicing with death!

    "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies" ~ Groucho Marx

    Police arrested two youths for drinking battery acid and eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other off!

    Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

    A large hole was found in the M25. The police are looking into it.

    My wife's going to Indonesia on holiday!
    Jarkarta?
    No, she wanted to go!

    My wife's going to the Caribbean on holiday!
    Jamaica?
    No, it was her idea!



    :D :rolleyes:

    Thank you, thank you fans!

    J
    benn11's Avatar
    benn11 Posts: 1,036, Reputation: 43
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Jul 12, 2007, 08:23 AM
    I didn't get the one with the battery acid and fireworks, but good jokes overall!
    sftbalnerd's Avatar
    sftbalnerd Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jul 15, 2007, 05:59 PM
    My girlfriend's a stand-up comedian. She stands me up, and she thinks it's hilarious. -Me

    If a fat girl falls in the forest, and nobody hears it, do the trees laugh? - G.W. Boles, Beaumont, TX
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #4

    Jul 16, 2007, 01:14 AM
    Ha ha, loving that second one!
    Moomin's Avatar
    Moomin Posts: 167, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Jul 16, 2007, 01:24 AM
    *rolls eyes*

    An areoplane full of spitle dived in the sea, there were no salivas!
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #6

    Jul 16, 2007, 01:41 AM
    Brilliant joke my lovely! Ha ha ha!
    Moomin's Avatar
    Moomin Posts: 167, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Jul 16, 2007, 01:44 AM
    Thanks!

    Is it better than 'What has pockets and flies? A pair of trousers!'?

    Hehe
    Sean Cao's Avatar
    Sean Cao Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jul 16, 2007, 01:44 AM
    Oops! I can't understrand, even one...
    55555555555
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #9

    Jul 16, 2007, 01:48 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Moomin
    Thanks!

    Is it better than 'What has pockets and flies? A pair of trousers!'?

    Hehe
    And it's MUCH better than

    Quote Originally Posted by Moomin
    What has pockets and a pair of flies? Trousers!
    Ha ha ha! ;)
    tomder55's Avatar
    tomder55 Posts: 1,742, Reputation: 346
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Jul 18, 2007, 06:57 AM
    I didn't get the one with the battery acid and fireworks, but good jokes overall!
    Battery : charge

    Fireworks : should be set off
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #11

    Jul 18, 2007, 07:03 AM
    I was going to do that, but I hate explaining jokes! Lol!
    colbtech's Avatar
    colbtech Posts: 748, Reputation: 66
    Senior Member
     
    #12

    Jul 18, 2007, 08:25 AM
    Kind of loses the funniness when you have to explain, doesn't it!
    Moomin's Avatar
    Moomin Posts: 167, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Jul 22, 2007, 03:36 PM
    What do you call a monkey in a microwave?

    A Baboom!!
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member
     
    #14

    Jul 22, 2007, 05:32 PM
    The male is a domestic animal who, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper

    I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. - Mae West

    A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'

    An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #15

    Jul 23, 2007, 02:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by shygrneyzs
    A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'
    Two blondes walk into a building - you'd have thought one of them would have seen it!
    templelane's Avatar
    templelane Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 227
    Ultra Member
     
    #16

    Jul 23, 2007, 02:56 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by iAMfromHuntersBar
    I was going to do that, but I hate explaining jokes! Lol!
    Why are jokes like rats?

    Because they both die when dissected.

    :p
    iAMfromHuntersBar's Avatar
    iAMfromHuntersBar Posts: 943, Reputation: 146
    Senior Member
     
    #17

    Jul 25, 2007, 06:54 AM
    A drum kit falls off a cliff... *Boom* *Boom* *Tttshhhh*
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member
     
    #18

    Jul 26, 2007, 03:12 PM
    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    Why is it lighting an outdoor grill always makes the wind blow?

    Now, as a public disservice, our legal expert, Percy Perjury, offers these helpful hints on "How to Get Off Jury Duty:"
    • Paste a tattoo on your arm that says, "Hang 'em high!"

    • When being questioned by attorneys, before answering each question, flip a coin.

    • Wear a hangman's noose for a necktie.

    • Bring the prosecuting attorney a cake that says "Happy Birthday, Uncle Harry."

    • Insist on being sworn-in on a copy of "Batman" comics.

    • Bring your own sackful of evidence and pass it around to all prospective jurors.

    • Learn to whistle "The Prisoner's Song" very loudly without moving your lips.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    It takes 400 cocoa beans to make just one pound of chocolate. And it takes just one pound of chocolate to make 400 pimples.
    Canada_Sweety's Avatar
    Canada_Sweety Posts: 597, Reputation: 49
    -
     
    #19

    Jul 26, 2007, 03:15 PM
    L0L! Awesome jokes eh!:p
    kileykookoo's Avatar
    kileykookoo Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #20

    Jul 26, 2007, 08:57 PM
    Hilarious

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Need funny one liners [ 1 Answers ]

I am making some collages of victoria ladies and I want them to be funny. I need some funny one liners.. Here is an example of some I have gotten so you get the idea... "I always keep a nice home" "I never drink....before lunch" "They say I sold my children but I have just misplaced...


View more questions Search