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NeoJunior · Jul 3, 2007, 04:56 AM

I gave all the love I could to her, even in a long distance relationship (not exactly cause is only 2 hours away, and we spoke everyday and meet every weekend). I know she loved me back, she cherished about the relation, but recently she told me she doesn't feel the same, that we have not so many things in common, that she doesn't feel so happy, that she wanted space and so on. We stayed for about 2 years, and its seems a little comic the fact "we dont have so much in common". And there was everything a relation should have, I mean, love, feelings, respect, loyalty (at least the first 1.5 years), in love, cherish, gifts, anniversaries, etc. She even called me time after times, just to hear my voice. She brought me gifts as I used to. We had great memories together. She always told me she loves me, she is happy with me, she feels in the center of the universe, etc.

I gave her space, I stopped arguing and being possessive or jealous (we argued because I didn't felt she was focused on me during the last 4 months but she was going dissipate, and for more, she wasn't respecting my feelings and keep being in conctact with her ex - as a friend first). I know I should have ended this relation right then, but I loved her and I thought she will come to the point of what I'm asking.

I don't understand this behaviour, but I know that we broke up, and later I got out she came back to her ex, before we broked up.
And I know these words of her telling her girl-friend about her and her ex "we have many things in common, he understands me so good, i feel so myself when im with him" (this girl used to break with him before 2 years after a 4 year relationship because she didn't love him anymore.

1 question: COULD this be a rebound relation between them, knowing the fact that they used to breakup because he was negletic her feelings, and she didn't love him anymore, and for more, she even avoided to kiss him (these are the words she used to tell her best girl-friend before 2 years).

2 question: What should a man do to understand a woman, cause this question makes me crazy.

Please don't tell me to move on, cause I'm feeling much better right now. I know that I still love her and care about her, that's pure and true, but I'm not expecting anything, only some answers, cause you know, without answers, things just can't get out of mind without being explained.
By the way, I asked her for a drink, and she told me "she needs time for this". I don't know what this means, but in reality all I wanted were some answers to my questions.

emopunk7 · Jul 3, 2007, 08:59 AM

Just give her time and space and in the mean time keep yourself busy! Be happy or try to be happy alone! Good luck my friend!

NeoJunior · Jul 3, 2007, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Just give her time and space and in the mean time keep yourself busy! Be happy or try to be happy alone! Good luck my friend!

Emopunk, you know already this story, right :)? Well, is being a history actually :) guess what. I asked her for forgiveness about my reactions after the breakup, and she told me, 3 days before, that she doesn't hate me, but she just doesn't feel like speaking to me, and she doesn't know how long is going to last :) I'm not going to be pathetic, cause I know how to react to this message. Is just my mind that needs answers, cause as you see, there was nothing bad in my person in this relation. At least I can't blame myself for something, knowing the fact that I was there when she needed me, I loved her, I cared about her, I did everything a man should do in a relation. Honesty, Careness, Love

emopunk7 · Jul 3, 2007, 09:12 AM

Feel good about yourself and give someone else who is willing a chance... Go find this special someone!

NeoJunior · Jul 3, 2007, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Feel good about yourself and give someone else who is willing a chance...Go find this special someone!

By the way, I told you that I still care about her. Sometimes I want to ask her how her life is going, but I resist to the temptation. I was thinking to send her a message on 15august, cause she will fly to usa for a 2 years MA, and wishing her good luck. Also, I was thinking to wish her happy birthday on her birthday on 21 October. I feel like this. I mean, is this something wrong, even to respect your enemy ?

SAB123 · Jul 3, 2007, 10:12 AM

Personally I would not let her wonder what you are up too and she may think you miss her or want her back. Plus why start contacting someone who cheated and hurt you.

Dennis777 · Jul 3, 2007, 11:11 AM

Hello.

At this point its better to not contact her. If you see her be nice and smile but don't go out of your way to see her.

Don't look at her as the enemy, Look at the relationship as a learning experience. Take the good and bad and build on it so you will be stronger for your next relationship.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Bubbler · Jul 4, 2007, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Dennis777

Hello.

At this point its better to not contact her. If you see her be nice and smile but don't go out of your way to see her.

Don't look at her as the enemy, Look at the relationship as a learning experience. Take the good and bad and build on it so you will be stronger for your next relationship.

Good Luck
Dennis777

I agree fully with Dennis "Don't look at her as the enemy, Look at the relationship as a learning experience"

Holding onto hate will only damage yourself and any other relationships you have, but as others have said carry on with your life and let your ex get on with there, no one says you have to be rude, but look at them as a old friend you don't know very well or see that often you just say Hi and Bye too.

NeoJunior · Jul 4, 2007, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Bubbler

I agree fully with Dennis "Don't look at her as the enemy, Look at the relationship as a learning experience"

Holding onto hate will only damage yourself and any other relationships you have, but as others have said carry on with your life and let your ex get on with there, no one says you have to be rude, but look at them as a old friend you don't know very well or see that often you just say Hi and Bye too.

I didn't said that I'm going to hate her. No way. Because I'm someone who at least tries to understand. Its not that I don't have respect for myself but I have a motto in my life:

"Things happens and we can't do anything about them, even if we tried for the best"

Mistakes do not exist, because anyone sees a thing from his point of view. And at this point we have all different points of view, that's why we are so different people. At this point it depends on us if we want to understand that point of view or not and is up to us if we want or not to deal with it. And is has nothing to do with forgiveness, because even forgiveness doesn't exist.

At this point of view, I will say that I understand her but dealing or not with it is something else, and even harder. I understand because I know she didn't wake up in the morning thinking that I'm going to cheat on my boyfriend and make him hurt. There was something in me also. I mean, there should be a problem in me, that I didn't realized. I blame her for not telling me what that problem or lack was, but she just told me that she doesn't feel the same anymore. I mean, this lack of communication is something that brings all the bad in a relationship.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2007, 07:50 AM

1 question: COULD this be a rebound relation between them, knowing the fact that they used to breakup because he was negletic her feelings, and she didn't love him anymore, and for more, she even avoided to kiss him (these are the words she used to tell her best girl-friend before 2 years).
No they don't have a rebound relationship as they are back trying again. They may have had issues but it was never really over, sorry you may have been the rebound for her. That's the way it looks.
2 question: What should a man do to understand a woman, cause this question makes me crazy.
Stop torturing yourself and take her at her word and deal with the reality of her actions, she left for someone else, and she has a history with this guy.
Please don't tell me to move on, cause I'm feeling much better right now. I know that I still love her and care about her, that's pure and true, but I'm not expecting anything, only some answers, cause you know, without answers, things just can't get out of mind without being explained.
You may care as much as you want, but the truth is she doesn't care enough therefore this relationship is dead and only your denial keeps you from seeing that. Until you overcome that denial and accept that it over you will never allow yourself to get over her and seek your own happiness. You are stuck remembering what you had and want to keep it. You have all the answers you need and should find your own life and leave hers alone. Your fighting a losing battle.
By the way, I asked her for a drink, and she told me "she needs time for this". I don't know what this means, but in reality all I wanted were some answers to my questions.

NeoJunior · Jul 5, 2007, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

1 question: COULD this be a rebound relation between them, knowing the fact that they used to breakup because he was negletic her feelings, and she didnt love him anymore, and for more, she even avoided to kiss him (these are the words she used to tell her best girl-friend before 2 years).
No they don't have a rebound relationship as they are back trying again. They may have had issues but it was never really over, sorry you may have been the rebound for her. That's the way it looks.
2 question: What should a man do to understand a woman, cause this question makes me crazy.
Stop torturing yourself and take her at her word and deal with the reality of her actions, she left for someone else, and she has a history with this guy.
Please dont tell me to move on, cause im feeling much better right now. I know that i still love her and care about her, thats pure and true, but im not expecting anything, only some answers, cause you know, without answers, things just can't get out of mind without being explained.
You may care as much as you want, but the truth is she doesn't care enough therefore this relationship is dead and only your denial keeps you from seeing that. Until you overcome that denial and accept that it over you will never allow yourself to get over her and seek your own happiness. You are stuck remembering what you had and want to keep it. You have all the answers you need and should find your own life and leave hers alone. Your fighting a losing battle.
By the way, i asked her for a drink, and she told me "she needs time for this". I dont know what this means, but in reality all i wanted were some answers to my questions.

Thanks for your help man. Well, I have to say, I just received a message from her, telling me these words: "i dont know if i should tell you this, but i saw you in my dreams all these days, like you were tormenting me. maybe because is july, i dont know".

I didn't sent her anything, and I really don't know how to react to this message. I want to be strong, and not pathetic, believing in some things which could be only a dream and nothing else. Maybe she misses a part of me, maybe not. I don't know if I should respond to this message, and I don't know when, knowing the fact that I used to fight with myself all these 2 months since the breakup, and that was a real war between my feelings and my thoughts. I was thinking to be firm, to send her this kind of message "maybe they are only dreams and i can't do nothing about them". Now what do you say ?

talaniman · Jul 5, 2007, 01:50 PM

I'd say its still over. Not wise to base your actions on someone else's dreams. I think you will swallow anything that keeps your hopes alive. I also think it unhealthy to even consider some one who dumped you to go back with an ex, as love and relationship material. That's not love but denial, and dependency. I can't believe you are actually in love with someone who mistreats you. That's crazy to put it mildly.

NeoJunior · Jul 5, 2007, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I'd say its still over. Not wise to base your actions on someone elses dreams. I think you will swallow anything that keeps your hopes alive. I also think it unhealthy to even consider some one who dumped you to go back with an ex, as love and relationship material. Thats not love but denial, nd dependancy. I can't believe you are actually in love with someone who mistreats you. Thats crazy to put it mildly.

Yeah man, you are so damn right. I came to the point that she loosed her chances. Even that I believe in second chances, this was too much! Its much easy to go than to come back again! Now she has to live with her misery or fight really really hard with her fate if she wants me back. And it should be her who wants me back, not I. Im not fighting anymore for her happiness. She has to consider how far she has been. Thanks a lot for all your answers!