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hair2007 · Jul 1, 2007, 08:14 PM

Hi all,
I'm getting better every day, a lot of thanks to everyone on here:)...
After taking my ex back over the last years like 5-6 time(!) always believing the things he said... like he realizes what a realtion ship is, I'm his soul mate, a lot of nice things, that I truly wanted to believe. That's why I tried it, and loved him very much.
Well since it has ened again the last time because of the same issues like him changing his words and actions. Never including me in on things, seeing me less and less same old crap.
Anyway the question I have is this, is he more at fault for always initiating contact only to back out again or would you say I had the bigger problem of always wanting to believe him? I'm sure its both but I'm just analyzing tonight I do this a lot but it really helps with moving on, believe it or not. Lol. Venting... I always tried for the reason of love and hope, obviously he was just doing it for reasons that didn't mean much to him cause it never changed. I know I should have realized it long ago, but I tend to blame him for being able to play the game for so long with some one when you know your intentions aren't true, and always initiating it. I feel like a fool now, but then I always hoped it was for real... just venting and feeling a little down to night.. I just think you have to be a really self centered mean person to continualy to this to some one for so long. Just wanted to see some thoughts on it... thanks everyone hope all is well with everone...

LettuceBFrank · Jul 1, 2007, 09:36 PM

Are you really wondering why he's coming back? Maybe it's because you are available. When you see a doormat, don't you instinctively wipe your feet on it?

Take in the mat, close the door and open a window! You obviously need a new view if you think that he is your only option.

While you're checking out the landscape, remind yourself of what you have to offer and what a precious gift it is. The world around you is more prone to appreciate you if you first appreciate yourself.

Bluerose · Jul 1, 2007, 10:08 PM

hair2007,

I agree one hundred percent with the poster above. Your guy sounds like a guy who doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he wants you but when he gets you he doesn't want you.

Also, to put it frankly, he is simply sniffing around your door when he gets the urge. Please do not let this man back into your life. You deserve better - much better than that.

hair2007 · Jul 2, 2007, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by bluerose

hair2007,

I agree one hundred percent with the poster above. Your guy sounds like a guy who doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he wants you but when he gets you he doesn't want you.

Also, to put it frankly, he is simply sniffing around your door when he gets the urge. please do not let this man back into your life. You deserve better - much better than that.

both answers are so true... I can't wait for it to get better, I have realized in these last few years that I must not value myself so much and think I was letting the fact I was with him for 12 yrs get in the way, and thought if we kept getting back together maybe we were meant to b... and things would get better. He is the most emotional abuser I have everseen.. but again, why not I allow it. "cause i loved him" and thought he loved me.

I feel like the only one in the world that has been so blind and foolish... thanks for both posts they were great,, : )

hair2007 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:09 AM

Originally Posted by LettuceBFrank

Are you really wondering why he's coming back? Maybe it's because you are available. When you see a doormat, don't you instinctively wipe your feet on it?

Take in the mat, close the door and open a window!! You obviously need a new view if you think that he is your only option.

While you're checking out the landscape, remind yourself of what you have to offer and what a precious gift it is. The world around you is more prone to appreciate you if you first appreciate yourself.

Thank u... not that it matters but at one point I even decided to be friends because we both live in the same city blocks away, have the same friends, not to hang around but more like civil, we are 38 yrs old... but he says he doesn't want to know if I'm moved on he can't think of me with another guy, I guess what that meant was no, I want you there in case I don't find anyone, so he likes to hold me back, or I guess I like to be held back.. but for what I thought were the right reasons... his friends must think I'm the nut god knows what they think of me... if he didn't take us seriously no ne else did. I look like a fool... thanks again

SAB123 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:34 AM

Hair you know my story, I now also think they keep coming back because we are availbale them ans they know we will keep taking them back. And we keep taking them back because we love them and think it will be different this time. Alltough I still miss her a little I will not be taking her back for the seventh time. And like me you should not be friends with him then he know's he will always have you.

woh337 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:34 AM

He doesn't know what he wants from what I have seen.
And remember there are plenty of guys out there, let it be over and move on! :)

hair2007 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by SAB123

Hair you know my story, I now also think they keep coming back because we are availbale them ans they know we will keep taking them back. And we keep taking them back because we love them and think it will be different this time. Alltough I still miss her alittle I will not be taking her back for the seventh time. And like me you should not be friends with him then he know's he will always have you.

On a few occasions when we had both moved on or so I thought, and we saw each other drive by we would both give a wave, and it was like OK, that was civil. I excepted it, then before you know it he's back telling me all the bullsh! And I fell for it... if he knew that he wasn't serious he just should have let it be and use someone else... I let him just keep making a fool out of me and its hurts and pisses me off..
And his friends must just think I'm this big joke for yrs, I deserve to be laughed at I guess...

hair2007 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:44 AM

Originally Posted by woh337

He doesn't know what he wants from what I have seen.
And remember there are plenty of guys out there, let it be over and move on!!:)

Thanks, I've realized more things this time... I ve always thought it was real and we would do it right some day, but iwas the sincere one he was playing a game.. just never figured it to be that way before, because I could not play someone for soooo long so I didn't think someone else would. Too draining...

hair2007 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:46 AM

Originally Posted by SAB123

Hair you know my story, I now also think they keep coming back because we are availbale them ans they know we will keep taking them back. And we keep taking them back because we love them and think it will be different this time. Alltough I still miss her alittle I will not be taking her back for the seventh time. And like me you should not be friends with him then he know's he will always have you.

Oh, he said he could never b friends... ever..

hair2007 · Jul 2, 2007, 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by hair2007

oh, he said he could never b friends...ever..

Sorry, now I wouldn't want that anyway, but what I meant was if the relationship ended once and for all by this time we should have been able to say hey how are you if we saw each other... but I wouldn't even look at him now I don't even know him... to lead someone on for this long u have some major issues..