[yungnluv]

I am 16 I have issues with my mother that are apparent to everyone . I feel that my relationship with her the way we act and feel towards each other ruins all of my other relationships and that makes me resent her even more . A few years after her divorce she told me she wished I would find someone I cared for or even loved and that they would break my heart and I could feel the way that she had felt... I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for quite sometime I have the utmost love and respect for him. He is a large part of my life he is a friend and a positive influence on me and my decisions. I have seen many therapists since I was 12 many who have said I was fine and many determined nothing was abnormal about me until recently when my mom and I got into a fight and she pressed charges on me they didn't necessarily say I has anger management just said I needed to choose a better time and places when saying certain things because I tend to lash out when I feel lashed out against... since then problems have been persisting between her and myself.. my boyfriend being someone that I talk to all the time realizes how things go and think that I shoulnt be trying to ingage in a serious relationship until things between her and myself are straightend out . I know my problem is standing up for myself to just about anyone and not letting anyone talk down to me or raise their voice . I know that later in life I will have bosses and other people in authority that will be like that I know I need to calm down but I don't think I should be threatened to be sent away every time something doesn't go her way . I refuse to let the relationship my boyfriend and I are in be ruined because of the relationship between her and myself . I feel as though my life would be better if she moved and just left me with my grandparents who I have lived with for the majority or my life . I can't stand to be in her presence anymore that fact that she may ruin what I have now kills me . I don't know what to do he gets so tired of hearing us arguing constantly If I say nothing she thinks I'm not listening if I do I'm being disrespectful if I walk away whick happened today all hell breaks lose . He has tried to help and support me for the longest but he's about to go to college and he wonders how I will act after he's gone he doesn't believe I'll do my best and how can he when there isn't a day that my mom and I aren't arguing... Please someone tell me what to do I've tried I've prayed and feel that if I lose him because of things at home that I have no real reason to live... Please help

[talaniman]

I think in your mothers awkward way of parenting, is because she loves you, and doesn't want you to feel what she felt, and do better. I think you should really curb the temper and frustration, especially around your b/f because family arguments make anybody uncomfortable. He probably feels very helpless to change anything, or help change things. Another concern is that you and your mother fight physically, and that is an absolute no-no under any circumstance. You have very little time to be under her influence, and I would suggest a school counselor, who is experienced to talk to you, as to better ways to handle yourself, under these tough circumstances, and a big red flag for me is the way you put too much importance on your relationship, and make it such an issue to your happiness. Not a good indication of a healthy person at all, and you really need to talk to some one impartial, and get to the real root of your issues, not just with your mother, but with your overdependence on your boyfriend. I agree with him that his absence could make your behavior worse. I wish you could talk to your mom, but at least talk to your grandparents or a trained counselor at school. Sorry you probably hate to hear this, but I honestly think you need the help and support of some one, and so sorry your mom can't give it.