[robsta237]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for close to 3 months. We've broken up 2 times already. But it seemed like we were going good after that. I feel like I'm falling for her more and more everyday.

She doesn't really like doing sexual stuff that much. And the second time we broke up I promised her we wouldn't have to anymore. And we end up doing it because she knows I like it. But then I feel bad. I've promised her before that I would stop. And we just keep doing it.

I'm REALLY clingy to her. And I didn't really realize that until today when she told me she wanted to take a break. She wants space and wants me to leave her alone until she leaves. She's going on a church retreat and she'll be gone for 5 days, and including today I won't be able to talk to her for 7. One of those days is our birthday and the last day is our 3 month.

This goes back to my second paragraph. I tried and tried to get her to not do this break and that I would stop, and since I've apparently lied to her before she doesn't believe me very much, but I still think deep down she kind of thinks I will

Our relationship we constantly fight and we try to stop. We used to fight about trust now we don't.

I want to know if she'll come back to me? And if she doesn't what do I do? And if she does, how to I stop being so clingy.

I also want to know how to stop wanting to do sexual stuff. P
So Please give me advice and tell me what to do to make sure she comes back.

[talaniman]

Your not the only one who has to stop the sexual stuff, she has to also. That's the real reason she broke up, but of course, she can't tell you how weak she is, so she broke it off. Sorry guy, better back off, and as you both have intense physical feelings.

If you can't say NO, and neither can she, leave her alone, and let things cool off. If she does come back, do something besides SEX!! Like bowling.

How old are you both??

[jmjoseph]

You've been dating for 3 months, you've broken up three times already, and argue all the time. Why in the world are you wasting time on this? Find someone else, but this time don't ruin it with lies.

[sweet1028]

After three months and two break-ups, I would not even be thinking anything sexual. I would be working on the relationship instead.

If she doesn't want to do it, then why does she. Is it because you are being to pushy and making her feel like she has to do it to make you happy? If so, you need to worry about your own problems. You are the one pushing her away, if she says no take no for an answer. Go to your bedroom and please yourself.

What are you fighting about? Money, trust, being too clingy? Fighting all the time in the first part of your relationship is not a bit healthy and with time will only bring more fights and bigger heartache.

I suggest you give her that space she needs. If she doesn't call you the first night she is away, don't call her. That's the clingy thing you was talking about. If she doesn't call you the second night, don't go into a frenzy give her the space she needs. Maybe, just maybe when she sees that you are not being too clingy and ringing her phone off the hook she will call you. When she does, do not say oh baby I don't want to be on a break. Why this and why that? Not the best road to go down, have casual conversation and then hang up. You will feel a whole lot better with the result.

In the time that she is gone you need to work on yourself. She doesn't have to please you sexually for you to be happy with her. She shouldn't have to feel obligated sexually to you. Until she is ready, if she does want you back in her life... work on doing things alone that make you happy. I wish you the best of luck.

[Gemini54]

This doesn't sound good to me - you fight, you break up, you can't agree about sex.

I'm guessing that maybe there is some guilt stuff happening for her around the sex because she's connected to a church group. She feels guilty and doesn't want to do it, and then you make her feel guilty so she feels she has to do it.

I suggest you leave her alone like she asked you to. Respect her wishes and her boundaries for a change.

Remember you can't make her come back... but you can change your own behavior... the clinginess and the sexual demands (and it's only been 3 months!) are probably a total turn off for her.

[N0help4u]

You need to give her her space and work on your clingy issues. Before she leaves tell her that you will be working on your clingy issues during the break. When you have the I can't live without you attitude that is a desperate clingy thing that you need to start with working on first.
Girls go for guys that have an independent confidence.
You can't make her love you so all you can do is work on your image.

[robsta237]

I can't tell her that because I promised her space, and by talking to her that means I lied to her about giving her space. She told me that she would text me today if SHE wanted to, and not to text her. But she WILL text me before she leaves. Does she have feelings still?

[N0help4u]

Okay I didn't realize that you were already 'on break'
Then what you do is if and when she contacts you and you have the go ahead to communicate with her then tell her you ARE working on overcoming your clingyness.
I don't know if she has feelings enough to want back but I am sure she does have some feelings for you.

[roxypox]

Well I'm glad that you are respecting her wish... that you are not going to contact her, but she can contact you today If she wants to.

Nohelp4u's suggestion is good!

Also to work on your clingyness is a very good idea!

Desperation is not an attractive quality in either man nor woman. So you def need to work on it.

Do you have any thoughts and ideas on how you can do this? Because it seems that you will benefit from not thinking and focusing on her while the two of you are on a break, but rather that you focus on yourself and what you can do to for yourself... and to work on the clingyness is a good start!

[robsta237]

We argue a little bit, but besides that it seemed like everything was going fine. And then yesterday she says that she doesn't know if she cares about me :/

[dealmein]

You need to back off completely. Pretend not to be phased by her backing off. Not caring either way is an attractive quality. Doing things that repel her would be phoning her and "trying to work it out". If she contacts you to talk just say "listen.. you wanted space and i'm giving you it. Ive been thinking and it seems to me i need space for myself to. I'll phone you sometime."

[slapshot_oi]

...And then yesterday she says that she doesn't know if she cares about me :/

Well, she doesn't care about you and she knows this. What she said is bad enough as it is, but at least she's telling the truth. She said she "doesn't know" to soften the blow and to hope you'll get the idea anyway.

You need to disappear from her life, being as you're clingy, she expects you to badger her, so don't. She's already over you.

[robsta237]

I think I love her. Everyone sits here and tells me that I don't. It seems to me like EVERYONE knows what love isn't, and no one knows what it is... So if someone could tell me what love is...

[slapshot_oi]

I think I love her....

It doesn't matter how you feel, she doesn't love or even care about you. It can't work if she's not invested in the relationship.

[robsta237]

She doesn't... or she might not... because what if she comes back and wants to get back together, what's that mean?

[talaniman]

She wants space and wants me to leave her alone until she leaves. She's going on a church retreat and she'll be gone for 5 days, and including today I won't be able to talk to her for 7. One of those days is our birthday and the last day is our 3 month.

Do what she says, and leave her alone, and if she texts you goodbye before she leaves, tell her to have a good time, and nothing else. Just leave it at that.

Nothing more irritating than a clingy, insecure whiny boy, who act desperate. Trust me on that one, guy!

I think I love her.Everyone sits here and tells me that I don't.

Your intense feeling are lust, if I read your posts right, and obviously the break your in was for her to examine her own feelings, to see if its lust, or not.

Your second thread, which was merged with this one was deleted because you left that out, and if your looking for different answers, starting a new post ain't going to give them to you.

The main issue is lust, and sex, which neither of you can control, well she is trying to control hers.

The thing is we all make the mistake of confusing intense feelings of lust with love, Love doesn't need sex, and lust fades over time. That's what your going through, and until the lust fades, NO ONE knows if they are in love or not! That's the whole point, that your learning, how to control your lust long enough for it to fade so you have a better idea of what your feeling, so its more than just being clingy, that hurts you to, but the lust has to be dealt with better as usually that's the first feelings you have when attracted to another. Its powerful, intense, and drives you crazy, to bad it fades after a while. That's being human, and a lesson for you to learn.

It seems to me like EVERYONE knows what love isn't, and no one knows what it is... So if someone could tell me what love is...

Love is what you share with others because you love them, AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. That's the key, you have to love yourself first, and be happy with yourself. Hard with all those new intense feelings going on inside you, but we all have to go through that as we grow. Sorry no short cuts.

[robsta237]

So after I posted this and everything you've read. What do you think she'll do?

[talaniman]

She doesn't really like doing sexual stuff that much. And the second time we broke up I promised her we wouldn't have to anymore. And we end up doing it because she knows I like it. But then I feel bad. I've promised her before that I would stop. And we just keep doing it.

You clearly showed that you can't control yourself, or keep your promises, even worse, you make promises that you can't keep. That's not a good way to instill trust in you.

I'm REALLY clingy to her. And I didn't really realize that until today when she told me she wanted to take a break

Amazing she has to go to such lengths before you wake up, not only about the clingy part, but the sex part, You may feel bad, buts it's a bit late to go back and change that, isn't it. How much of this was she supposed to take from you.

I tried and tried to get her to not do this break and that I would stop

How many times does she have to hear that tired line, That's 3 strikes by the way, that and a couple of break ups in 3 months, that you didn't learn from.

We argue a little bit, but besides that it seemed like everything was going fine

She obviously doesn't agree, as you have shown you care about yourself and what you want, and not what she wants, hey, you wrote this yourself, I am not making anything up here, so add selfish to the list of clingy, and untrustworthy.

And then yesterday she says that she doesn't know if she cares about me

Why should she, be honest, you have had so many chances to be better, but you have NOT, and that's the bottom line.

I want to know if she'll come back to me?

Only she knows that, no one else can answer for her, or predict how she feels, or what she does about it, but doesn't look good for you. How many chances do you need? I know, just one more chance, and you'll change. You've said that before.

And if she doesn't what do I do?

Leave her alone, and use the experience to learn, and grow up, and deal with yourself, and your issues in a more mature, and positive way.

It really doesn't matter what she does,what matters is what you do about yourself, whether you get another chance or NOT!!

[dealmein]

If you be a man and do your own thing for a while. She may just come back to you. Who's to say where this road will take her. She has to do it for herself though which may sound harsh. Some people just aren't ready for the commitment at that point in their lives. Its harsh but that's the reality.

I'm in her position right now the only difference is me being a guy. Some people will say there's a huge difference right enough.

Regardless of what some people say lust and sex don't make plans for the future. They don't make you smile every time you think about the little things she does. That comes from love and respect of another person. Sure things can be intense but when you look back in a moment of clarity only you can truly say what it meant to you.

Just take each day as it comes and don't pander to her demands. Do your own thing and enjoy it

[Why-Man]

Well, there are two opinons, the first one is to do what you love, no matter what others say. The second is to love what you do, no matter what you feel inside.. But I believe you should do what is in your nature just BE Yourself