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CheekyChop20 · May 26, 2008, 06:17 AM

Hi
Feeling a little lost at the minute. I've read through some of the other posts to do with dealing with giving partners space, but I need some advice on my own personal situation. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years, we had our ups and downs - I cheated on her at the beginning of the relationship, we broke up for a few days and she came back to me saying she wanted to try again. Throughout our relationship she did throw it back in my face a few times, but I can honestly say it was worth it. We spent a lot of time together and became best friends as well as lovers.

The sh*t hit the fan when she went on my computer and saw a conversation between me and a female friend of mine (a friend whom she has never liked and always warned me about) the conversation was clean, but I must admit my friend is very flirty by nature. My girlfriend got upset I tried my best to explain, but I could see that it didn't look good. I love my girlfriend and I would never cheat on her (again) She said she wanted space to clear her head and to see if she could learn to trust me, she said that she loved me with all of her but our relationship had been bulit on rocky foundations and space would allow us to start again with a clean slate.

A week has since past and I have been stupid and have pestered her, I wanted her to know how upset I was over the situation, I know now that this was wrong of me.
She said that I was being selfish by not giving her time, and she didn't know if she could be with someone like that. The conversation ended with her telling me that if she wanted to get back with me she'd call me.

Its been a day and I find myself so eager to talk to her ( I feel very pathetic) I miss her beyond words. Did I mess up my chances of her coming back to me by bugging her?
Any advice on what I should do?

nickshehe · May 26, 2008, 06:34 AM

I wouldn't say you messed up... if you let her be the second she requested a break, she might have seen it as "you dont care enough".. So you pestered her a little bit - now she knows you care - now you let it be.. Don't pressure her any more, because then you may harm your chances , yes.. it sucks that she doesn't trust you but you can't really blame her can you?
You can only give her the space and time she needs..

talaniman · May 26, 2008, 06:55 AM

The conversation ended with her telling me that if she wanted to get back with me she'd call me.

You have made your mistake, now give her what she wants.

confused1145 · May 26, 2008, 07:13 AM

Leave her alone for now. By going against her wish, you may have done more good than harm. I know if I told my man that I need space and he blew me off I would think that he doesn't care about working things out. You already confessed your feelings so give her what she wants for a little while.

CheekyChop20 · May 26, 2008, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by confused1145

Leave her alone for now.

How much time is too much time? If she contacts me within a short space of time should I ignore her? Im not up for playing games, nor is she the type to respond well to them - I just want her to be sure.

talaniman · May 26, 2008, 08:11 AM

She has a lot to think about, as you have cheated, and entertained the flirtations of another behind her back, and you may just gloss over that, but she was hurt, and has trust issues with you, and rightfully so. Pressuring her now is selfish, and uncaring so, either sweat it out or walk away.

talaniman · May 26, 2008, 08:14 AM

How much time is too much time?
Thats up to her.
If she contacts me within a short space of time should I ignore her?
No, you talk. Honestly.

f104 · May 26, 2008, 08:14 AM

I know the feeling. May I suggest you call a friend instead or anytime you feel like calling her come and pour out your feelings on this site. That is what I am trying to do at the moment while my GF is visiting her family.

CheekyChop20 · May 28, 2008, 07:47 AM

She called - we met up.
To sum it up she basically said that our relationship had taken its toll on her, and she wants some time out, said she wants us to get to know each other as friends as we jumped head first into the relationship (which is true). I expressed my concern about that being difficult and problematic, she couldn't see where I was coming from and she said that she was worth the wait - to this I agreed. I told her that I was too in love with her to be friends with her and that it might be easier to just let go altogether, she replied with that she loves me too and it's a guarntee that we'll end up getting back together (just not now). The thought of her being with someone else kills me, but after all that she's put up from me I feel I owe her this. I told her id try it her way and that it might be good for us to get to know each other in a different way, however I do have my doubts and concerns.

What do you guys think?
I honestly know deep down that I don't want to be with anyone else.

talaniman · May 28, 2008, 08:16 AM

She is testing you. She knows how she feels, but has doubts of how you feel. She is setting you free, to get your head in order, and make a decision, on your own with no pressure from her. Know the reason why, is your past behavior, and her hurt feelings, at those past actions.

bigbird213 · May 28, 2008, 08:33 AM

I would be hesitant to believe someone who wants a break but tells me that it is a guarantee that you will be getting back together. She may have intentions of getting back together with you in the future, but you certainly CANNOT put your life on hold.

If I understand what Tal is trying to say, she wants to see how you can handle being without her. She wants to know that you aren't going to run away and forget about her, as she probably has trouble trusting your sincerity because of your past actions.

What you must make sure you DO NOT do is sit around and wait to hear from her. She told you that it is a "guarantee" that you will get back together, but I wouldn't read too much into that. If it was guaranteed, there would be no need for a break.

Take the space she is giving you to become happy and healthy. Learn to separate your life a little bit from hers so that you can see yourself happy with or without her. Give her the space she wants, and take the opportunity to take some space yourself. Who knows how you will feel in time...

CheekyChop20 · May 28, 2008, 08:38 AM

She is setting you free, to get your head in order, and make a decision, on your own with no pressure from her.

Really didn't look at it like this. So over time she'll see my feelings for her?

CheekyChop20 · May 28, 2008, 08:58 AM

Cheers for the input/ honesty guys, I guess its time for me to stop analyzing this. What will be will be.

bigbird213 · May 28, 2008, 09:06 AM

Over-analyzing is a very dangerous thing. It's a problem I have as well.

I know its easier said then done, but stop thinking about it so much. The best way to do that - get busy. Go out with friends, do anything you need to to keep busy.

CheekyChop20 · Jun 1, 2008, 12:56 PM

Hi guys

Update -

As time goes on, I seem to be getting more confused. We've been friendly with each other and have had sex (once since the break up). I called her the other day, she had just woken up and her voice just got to me straight away. Her voice made me feel peaceful and at home (if that makes any sense) I asked her how she was etc she told me that she had received an email I had sent her a few nights previously (which basically said that id let her go if she was sure that was what she wanted) she said she didn't want this because she still loved me, I told her I loved her too - she said good. We arranged to meet a few hours later.

I felt very uplifted after this conversation, and worked myself up a bit. She cancelled our meeting saying she was too busy, which was actually fine (this was yesterday). She called me today and we met for half an hour - she was very touchy feely with me and tried to kiss me, I felt a bit awkward and told her so she apologized. I told her that it might be best that we didn't see each other for a while, she said she couldn't live without me - at this point I had to leave and go home (due to prior arrangements).

My one and only question - is she playing with me?
God.. this is driving me insane.

bigbird213 · Jun 1, 2008, 01:25 PM

First off, having sex with her is a definite no-no. She broke up with you, then she said she wanted to meet you and then cancelled. The only time she sees you (it seems) is if she is getting some sort of gratification out if it, whether it be sex or her being touchy feely.

It sounds like you are dangerously close to the line of being used as a friend with benefits. You need to be careful here as what happens if she finds someone else who strikes her fancy, and since you aren't technically together, she is free to go. How will you feel then?

Take some time to think about these things before you continue to talk to/see her.

CheekyChop20 · Jun 1, 2008, 01:29 PM

The thought of her with someone else kills me - she knows this, we've spoken about it a lot. I told her that it seems that sex is all she wants from me (after it happended) she said I was wrong. Time doesn't seem to be solving anything here.

talaniman · Jun 1, 2008, 08:02 PM

Going into any relationship is a risk, so being worried and paranoid is no good as you will see whatever you want no matter if its true or not. Better get yourself under control, because your involved with a female who knows exactly what she is doing, and you don't.

Time doesn't seem to be solving anything here.

Could it be your too much in a hurry, and thinking with the little head. Yes that's what I think!

Sorry dude you're the one who through the confusion in the game, in the first place, and wanted to be forgiven, so get used to going at her pace.

talaniman · Jun 1, 2008, 08:06 PM

I told her that it seems that sex is all she wants from me

LOL, Then you know how she must be feeling with the way you behaved.

CheekyChop20 · Jun 2, 2008, 12:49 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

LOL, Then you know how she must be feeling with the way you behaved.

Yes all of this is my fault, I'm really not trying to make her look like the bad guy. The situation if anything has opened my eyes to how I was and how I actually feel about her.
Of course I want her back as quickly as possible, and your right she does know what she's doing and yes I have no clue :(