[kmjlo]

My sons mother lives a half an hour away. She is unwilling to inform me of grades/conferences etc for our son. I have recently found out the she has stolen merchandise and taking drugs. I have agreed to relocate to a more centralized location but due to my career and my wife's we can not move the entire difference. I feel that my child's well being is in danger. Are these reasons to get sole custody? Also, I hate to take my son from her entirely, would a custody agreement require both parties to compromise to the location of the child's school.
:confused:

[stevetcg]

You are going to need a much stronger reason to have her found unfit.

Has the child been physically abused? Neglected?

Do you currently have joint legal custody? Do you have any court ordered visitation? Have you even been found to be the legal father?

[Fr_Chuck]

First "would a child custody agreement" you should have one, that gave the mother custody to start with, and that tells what your visit rights are??

But an agreement and require anything you both can agree to, or force into an agreement.

In a joint custody normally both parents have to live within the same school district or at least provide a good method of the child to attend the same school.

There are as many types of agreements as the couple can think of, as to who gets the child and when.

[Jake2008]

My sons mother lives a half an hour away. She is unwilling to inform me of grades/conferences etc for our son. I have recently found out the she has stolen merchandise and taking drugs. I have agreed to relocate to a more centralized location but due to my career and my wifes we can not move the entire difference. I feel that my childs well being is in danger. Are these reasons to get sole custody? Also, I hate to take my son from her entirely, would a custody agreement require both parties to compromise to the location of the childs school.
:confused:

You can call your child's school, and request information on your child's grades, and make an appointment to meet with his teacher for a conference. I presume that you are active in your child's life, and have visitation when I say this, thus 'authorized.'

'Finding out' she has stolen merchandise, and is taking drugs, is not proof she has done either.

What steps have you taken, or what have you done to determine that he is in danger? Have CPS been involved, or have you talked to your lawyer?

[kmjlo]

She is enrolled in out patient drug rehab and her arrest is available on line. I am active in my child's life. I only see him every other weekend because of the distanct but I call him daily and am in contact with his teacher.

Each time I get him he is dirty, ripped dirty clothes, dirty fingernails and has bug bites on him. He also tells us that she doesn't care what he eats, and has gained an alarming amount of weight. He also complains that she sleeps all day and never does anything with him. When I have him I let him call her every day and she rarely answers the phone and when she does she hardly speaks to him. I also have text message showing she is hours late for arriving to drop him off and pick him up. I do not have joint custody, but need to find a way to make this situation better for my son.

[MsMewiththat]

I think if you are concerned for his well being the first step would be for you to either obtain an attorney or go through some type of mediation process to gain custody or joint custody so that you are able to assist in his care while she gets back on her feet. If she is not in a place where she is interested in improving her lifestyle than you take the necessary steps to possibly take over care.
I wanted to add that I am not sure that a half an hour away should stand in your way of insuring your sons safety. You need to step up and be in his life on a more regular basis. Maybe he needs to change schools for the time being, not sure of all the circumstances but if you really feel that he is in danger step up and make a change.

[Jake2008]

kmjlo, thank you for the additional information.

When any reasonable person would see what you see, i.e. the way he arrives in a mess, the situation at home, his needs nutritionally and psychologically not being met, I would be as worried as you if my little guy showed up in that condition.

Consider the next visit to have him see your family doctor for a checkup. Tell your Doctor that you are concerned for his well being. Document everything. Get a diary of some sort, and record any and all thoughts and impressions, phone calls, when you ask your ex about specific things etc. Also include the things you are doing, i.e. keeping in touch with the school, etc.

Go and see a Lawyer, and give him all that you have said here, and whatever transpires until the time you do. Bring your notes, and get advice on what your best course of action is to pursue.

If you feel the child is in immediate danger (and this is likely overkill- I hope), then don't hesitate to call the CPS. I'm not a fan of that organization, or the equivallent here in Canada, the CAS, however, if you need immediate assistance, use that resource.

The only other thing I can think of to say is I am glad you are in your child's life, and that you are involved, and you want the best for him. Trust your instincts, do what you have to do to protect your son, and stay strong for him.