[pitchec_2000]

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and 3 months, we live together in an apartment, when we first got together we were just friends living in an apartment with other roommates. We moved away from home to go to college, and after a year our roommates ditched us and we had nothing but each other and our only option was to get an apartment together.

We had always had feelings for each other even before moving in together, so we finally became a couple, and I have to say for a while everything was great, but eventually money, stress, and everything else lead to us fighting and arguing. Even though we fought about stupid stuff, we were always there for each other.

A little background on my girlfriend... she didn't know a lot of people since we had just moved here so she didn't have any friends and always depended on me to hang out with, she always wanted to do stuff together. I had been suggesting to her that she try making some friends and that a little time apart might make our relationship stronger. Well eventually I got to the point that I just needed some time away from her, we work together, live together, and go to the same college.

Well Obviously she didn't like that idea, and always gave me a hard time about it. My one friend that I made at work she absolutely hated him, because she thought he was a bad influence, but I am not one to be easily influenced by someone else. So for awhile she was the one that always wanted to be together, cared about us being together even if it was all the time.

Well a few weeks ago she all of a sudden wants a break, because she is tired of the fighting and the arguing... I told her that I thought a break would be stupid and that we should try to work it out and if it works it works, if not we can leave it alone and be done for good. I also told her being so upset and angry that I don't do "breaks" its either work it out or break up! Well needless to say she broke up with me and I regretted saying that to her, but then she tells me that she really just wants to not be together for awhile so that she can figure out if we can really work out or not, and that she needs her space. She told me that she still loves me and cares about me, but she needs to know that we can stop arguing and work out as a couple.

So I have been trying to leave her alone ever since, but it is really hard to do when you live together. Well I have just had this feeling lately that she has feelings for someone else, I confronted her about it because I feel like I am the one trying to be better so that our relationship will work out again so I should know these things. She said no she wasn't cheating or looking around for another guy. She also has recently been hanging out with a couple of girls from work a lot (they have bfs) and she acts like she really doesn't care about our relationship that much and when I try to talk to her about it I get short answers if any answer and I just keep getting the same answer most of the time ( I love you, but I just need some time). I really just don't know what to do?? Its hard to get away from the problem/situation since I live with her...

I still have this feeling that she might be cheating, she never leaves her cell phone unattended, she does tell me who she is texting but who knows if its who she is telling me, and who knows what she is doing or talking to when she leaves the apartment... I am absolutely lost... and my friends are burnt out on talking to me about it because they think I should just forget about her and move one (even though I can't really go anywhere I'm stuck in a lease) BUT I have done that before in the past I have given up on someone before I knew all the facts and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life, and I just don't want to make the same mistake again but truthfully its Killing me. Please help!

[Devorameira]

You're really in a pickle with the lease, but if I were you I would find someone to take over your part of the lease and move on.

It's possible that she's seeing someone else, but it may just be that she is truly sick and tired of the arguing. Constant arguing eventually kills a relationship.

[talaniman]

The way I see it is, she is giving you what you wanted, space to do your thing, and do hers, and make friends outside the relationship.

The cheating thing may be just suspicion, out of insecurity, and fear, from your own mind. Don't know, but the thing to do is enjoy the change, and slowly guide her by your actions, so she can see the benefits of being with you and not have to be always with you all the time.

That's easy isn't it, as you should be a very happy camper, and show it by your actions. I would be because that seems what you have been asking for in the first place.

The point is showing you don't have to argue to be happy and get what you want. Compromise, meet in the middle to resolve issues that you have so you both benefit, and are happy with the solution.

Or now is it a lack of sex, or intimacy, and attention that's throwing you off, and making you miserable, and a suspicious wreck.

Or maybe the feelings are just not there anymore and you're both just holding on to your comfort zones.

Which is it??

[Wondergirl]

You said, "I had been suggesting to her that she try making some friends and that a little time apart might make our relationship stronger. Well eventually i got to the point that i just needed some time away from her." Well, she did what you had asked her to do and now you're jealous and suspicious?

When I was in grad school studying to be a counselor, one prof told us that if something the client says puts us off, we can bet that same thing is putting others off. That's how I felt when reading your post -- your obsessiveness over this situation and her possible "cheating" really turned me off. It's obviously doing the same thing to her.

Find someone to sublet, and get out of there. I think too much water has gone over the dam for you two to resolve this.

[Jake2008]

She sounded extremely controlling to me, and very needy and insecure. I can understand why you would feel like you couldn't breathe.

She eventually saw that the situation with the two of you working together, living together, and going to school together, was not working out too. Who knows why she suddenly changed. You making suggestions that she needed friends of her own and a little independence wasn't likely the cause of her changing.

But what gets me is how, under these circumstances, where clearly you've both gone in different directions in the relationship, why on earth are you living together.

If I were you, I would speak to the landlord. If she is not on the lease, find out how to get her out of the apartment, and get a new roommate in there. If she is on the lease as well, ask the landlord how you can get out of it- maybe you can find a replacement for yourself, I don't know. But, I don't think it is healthy to live there.

That she was so extremely possessive, I wouldn't waste any more time trying to figure out why she did a complete turnaround, and suddenly becomes totally disinterested in you, and the relationship. You may never know.

You may not be able to avoid working with her, and going to school with her, but, hopefully you can at least have your own place, and peace of mind at the end of the day.