[cocoban]

I am in a delima. I met a man about a year ago who is married. He has been with her for five years. He has a son with her and she has another child by someone else. Together, they have two children. He was married to get legal status in the U.S. we are both from the same country and his wife is an African American. Recently, he got his green card and now he is telling me that he is helping her to get on her feet. She enrolled in a vocational school and as soon as she is set, he will be able to leave her and be with me. She does not do anything, I cook for him and spend a great lot of time with him while she is at her sister's. Recently, I decided to end it because it was not fair. He then promised me that he will speak to her and tell her his piece of mind. Meaning, he will be moving out of the apartment. He told me that he told her but he was not moving out right away. He needs to find a place and then move. Somebody help me I am confused.

[cerisa]

What are you confused about? Are you having conscience pangs because what you are doing is wrong? Are you sorry for his wife and children? Are you ashamed to be seeing a spineless man. Please clarify and get back. I know, you are confused because you thought he loved you so much he would drop everything just to be with you. He is dragging his feet telling her. Doesn't that tell you anything? Maybe this seems too blunt to you, but wake up to the reality of the fact that they have a family together. He is doing her wrong. You have no business with any opinion on what she does or doesn't do for him. You are getting all your info from one source. He sneaks you into her house when she is gone? Hope she comes home early.

[cocoban]

He doesn't sneak me into his house.. He is always at my house. The thing is you don't realize what you are doing because you get so carried away. I just came out of a fresh relationship when I met him. One thing, every time, I try to end it, he begs that I give him some time and he will do something about it. I know the best thing is to end it. Thanks for your input.

[statictable]

Think it's called "the age of reason." At one time it was suggested that 7 years old was the age of reason but we all know that varies. Age of reason was used to describe a level of emotional maturity required to make rational decisions. A person can be 19 years old and lack that ability while another can make good decisions at age 13.

Trust and lies: If an emotionaly mature person is attraction to another who deceives them does the age of reason mater? That might be argued but it would be difficult to make rational decisions based on inaccurate or untruthful information.

Do you trust this man? Has he ever deceived you? If you answer these 2 questions truthfully then you must trust in yourself and accept the fact that you have reached the age of reason and can make rational decisions. Only you know if the fact that he was married changes any of this and you'll have to decide if you lied to yourself.

How does "instinct" differ from rational thinking in the decision making process? I felt his dilemma and reacted "instinctually" because I care for others. This is played out so many times each day year after year and remains one of our earliest and more primitive methods of controlling our social environment. The challenge is in deciphering truth from fiction because real dilemmas do exist for many and if we can accurately determine truth we are faced with a monumental choice. No dilemma exists but my "feelings" will guide me through this. What is that? Your going to turn all that you've reasoned over to your feelings? Don't worry, we've all done this and most have had to painfuly admit to that fact at a later time and in your case that time arrived with the delay of your friends departure from the "prison" he so clearly defined for you.

As we mature it is sometimes easier to "read" the truth which in turn keeps us out of harm's way but at any age the fact that I (the man) am married should serve as a reminder to put the feelings aside and use our reasoning skills to plot the safest course. Pain is not nice but it can teach.

[friend4u178]

Cerisa
Was going to give you greenie but have to spread the rep first but good answer.

Coco
We who have been here a while have heard this story or something similar so many times before , and you know what the most common thing in all these stories is , he can't leave right now because of this or because of that. It's almost like a broken record. If he really wants to be with you he WOULD leave now. Don't make the mistake we have seen so many women on this forum make and waste your life on someone who is not willing to give you 100%.

Please go back on this forum and read all the other stories on women being involved with Married men , I think you'll be shocked at how similar these ladies stories are to yours.

I wish you luck!

[Am1089]

Coco

Please leave this man alone. You deserve so much more. I wish I had realized that myself. I was with man, found out he was married. He said the same thing as your man. I stayed and waited, a month later I was pregnant. Now my baby is 8 months and he is still with his wife.

You don't want to waste your time with him. You don't won't get pregnant. It's the worse feeling to be in love with the father of your child & not be with him. You'll hate it and regret it. Move On.

[friend4u178]

Coco

Please leave this man alone. You deserve so much more. I wish I had realized that myself. I was with man, found out he was married. He said the same thing as your man. I stayed and waited, a month later I was pregnant. Now my baby is 8 months and he is still with his wife.

You don't want to waste your time with him. You don't won't get pregnant. It's the worse feeling to be in love with the father of your child & not be with him. You'll hate it and regret it. Move On.

Exactly... Coco this is just 1 story , go back and read a lot of the others like I suggested.