[Flared]

Hello, I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago, we had been together for 3 years and we had such wonderful moments together. The thing is we argued, a lot, we argued at least 2 times a week if we saw each other 5 days i.e..

We always argued for silly things, and it usually end up with me saying that she is making a big fuss about it and if she didn't take things so seriously we wouldn't argue half as much.

We are talking about" NO its spelled with Z not S" arguments here. See I don't mind having a discussion when two people don't agree, and I like insisting on it, I like a person to make their case and provide arguements( when proper ),I find it kind of fun actually, but not her, she usually lost control of her emotions and got very angry if we had a "serious" disagreement, IE: if war in iraq is necessary or not.


Suddenly she started saying that I was telling her that she was horrible and a bad person, I insisted that it wasn't what I meant I was merely trying to tell her to take a chill pill at life and worry less, I now realise that she took these things very seriously as destructive critics and that may have caused her to feel even worse. But is it my fault that she felt worse? What if she was the one that kept saying that I took things too serious and I was being immature and blowing things out of proportion, how would I react?

As I write this I realise I may have destroyed someone's personality without knowing, what if all the bad things she did and all the lack of self esteem that she has now is all my fault for not being supportive and just letting her have her way a couple times. I have no idea what to think, just the mere thought of me destroying someone is making me feel so guilty and destroyed inside.

She kept saying that I treated her as if she was horrible and deserved nothing. One day she stopped listening altogether, and started blaming me for everything that went wrong, she used to say : Oh are you going to start blaming me for everything again, its all you do anyway. I would tell her NO, I know I am also responsible for our arguments, it takes two to argue and I never said it was your entire fault, ionly think you should try to control your emotions.


One day she broke down and admitted I was right and she couldn't change and that she wouldn't be able to control how she feels, she wasn't like me she said, I told her that I only wanted her to chose to be happy as opposed to going where the wind blows ,because that would be painful if the wind didn't blow in the "awesome" direction.

She cried Soo much, every time we argued, in the middle of the street, it embarrassed me, people looked at me as if I was some monster, she yelled at me, slapped me, I would beg her to stop doing that because I had enough of yelling from my mom for no reason, she only did worse, the neighbours used to hear, it was so embarrassing to me I felt so disrespected. I demanded respect and she would say I was being mean and hurtful. I did say horrible things, mainly after being yelled at but that is no excuse, I flipped as many times as she pushed me too far with her crying and yelling and incessant "victimonology", sometimes our arguments would carry on for 3 hours, at least an hour or 2 were me "waiting" for her to calm down while she gave me the silent treatment and treated me like in all I did, I just couldn't stand that and said I don't think its fair that you make me wait like this without knowing. She usually said I wasn't letting her breath and that she needed space to calm down. The result is that I usually calmed down in 2 minutes after argueing and was ready to hug her and make peace while she took at least 20 to 30 minutes, that was torture to me.


Not all was bad, we had some amazing sex, and ( mind you conservative \prude people ) I had some awesome sex at 16, we tried "everything", I am 18 now almost 19, I tell you she didn't know how to take the initiative too well or felt too insecure to try ( she told me once) but I could play her body like a violin, and I am proud of that. Once we were on vacation and we had sex all week long, I do want to make a point with this, when we had sex, she usually got in an awesome mood or fell asleep from exaustion, either way we wouldn't argue for at least 2 - 3 days, that is until we started to get "flesh hungry" because the house was not always "available", I usually dealt with that by joining the 5fingers club, would get some stress out too, but the longer we spent without having sex the more why and complaining she was, maybe I helped ?



I see now that things escalated, she started by complaining at small things, then by speaking loud at me, then by yelling then by slapping me in the face, I tell you once she did that and I pushed her away so hard and told her that if she hit me again I would break her face, she never hit me again. In my own doorstep she slap me, again I don't know if was the because of how I spoke after she slap me but I am a very proud person and I do not tolerate such ridiculous offense.


People I am trying to be as honest as I can here, revealing as much of my flaws as hers, She insisted for 2 years that I have been treating her bad and breaking her heart and destroying her sanity and I just don't know what to believe anymore, the screaming of pleasure or the screaming of hate, which sometimes occurred on the same day, no matter how much I try or how hard I try she just does not forgive me\her\us for our arguments, I tell her that arguments are not suppost to be nice or feel OK, and that if you pick a fight and yell at someone you are bound to feel guilty and remorse after, I felt weaker and weaker every day until I finally became depressed, I am climbing out of that depression and just as we reached last christmas I took all her things and returned them to her, she has never been the same to me again. She was moody and angry all the time.


She thought I was breaking up with her when I was just cleaning house, but see that's what I don't understand, if I say that I am just organizing my stuff she still continues to be angry and mad at what she THOUGHT was the reason, even thought I explained and insisted that what I say is the true reason. Can I be blamed for what she interpreted or does the truth matter ?


Its been a wonderful 3 years, it seriously has, if you remove all the arguments you get a wonderful relationship and compatibility. We have the same view on: drugs, alcohol, marriage, premarital sex, sex, girls( she thinks girls are hot and so do I), our view on morals are the same, although we obviously violate the morale code.
I think I am going insane, there was this day when I actually said to myself: With all this argueing how are we ever going to have a threesome?
There's also one thing she never appreciated, me making jokes about serious things, I like to do that to lighten the mood. Damn sometimes I feel that she only stayed so much time with me because I'm so attractive to her.

PS: I did not make any jokes on this post. I am being honest and speaking from the heart, that's why its so long and confusing even to myself.
Could I have destroyed us by constant critic ?
Does the fact that I say she is a wonderful girl and that I love her at the same time that I say she should take a chill pill make any real difference?
What if all she needs right now is someone to believe in her, to believe that she is worth it and really is a nice girl. I want to tell her that I do think that and the only reason why I can't go on is because she keeps saying that she is not sure she wants US because it hurts her so much

PSS: we haven't had sex in 1 month ( longest ever) and she is currently on her period( predicted).

[sully123]

I honestly think the relationship isn't for either one of you. You both are young and way too much fighting. It isn't healthy. Both of you, have no respect for each other. I suggest you move on, and date. Don't stay tied down to one person. She has some issues as you do, too. It is way too much drama!

[amicon]

Your relationship was toxic and you should stay well away from each other.

You both have some serious growing up to do and you should be doing that apart.

So stop worrying about your threesome that's not going to happen,focus on becoming an adult and how to learn from your mistakes.

You both made them,for sure,but you can only deal with your own.
She,hopefully, will sort her life out,but that's her business.