[starlight38us]

I have a 16 year old son, soon to be 17 next week. He had been disrespectful to me when he was living here, telling me I get on his nerves, and just being nasty to me. I had sole custody since I divorced his father when he was 2. My ex hates me and has always done so. I started taking my son to counseling 6 months ago because his grades went down and there was constant fighting, he was growing apart from me. The counselor suggested new house rules, cracking down on things, and my son didn't like it. So... instead of trying to help make things better, my ex helps him move out and live with him, so now I have to pay him child support. My son has been telling people that it was bad living here with me. Blaming me for how our household had been. Now my son has it made. He stays on the internet all hours of the night, uses his cell phone as much as he wants. My ex doesn't care. There is no discipline over at his place. My son has been moved out for about 1 month now. I miss him but he doesn't miss me. In fact, I read things he puts on the internet and he seems happy. Any suggestions how to handle this. I have been diagnosed recently with depression because of this. I don't know what to do. I just can't believe that after all the love, after everything I did for him, he just left. He has tried to call me a couple of times, only to see how I am reacting cause I recently got served custody papers to go to court. The counselor suggested that I stay away because he is dishonest with what he says. He recently said he wants me in his life and said he cares, but he told another counselor he is just trying to calm me down so I don't do anything to disrupt things with him and his father. I feel like my son will never miss me, never realize how much he hurt me. He feels that he does nothing wrong and that he had to get away because things were so bad. He was a big part of it. Any suggestions...

[Fr_Chuck]

It sounds like he could be involved with some drugs and certainly some wrong friends. Also your ex has added to a lot of the problems.

Expect it to take 5 to 10 years but he will latter look for a better relationshiop.

Next why are you paying child support, did your ex go back to court to get custody ? Did the court award him child support.

Many fathers I know still have to pay their ex child support even if the child is living with them because the court has never changed the court order.

[starlight38us]

Yes my ex is taking me to court to try to take custody away from me. He wants sole custody. He wants his child support obligation to cease, and me to pay him. He is interfering with my son as well. I had to call his house one day to speak with my son and my ex said "where is my money". He is enjoying this. Then on the phone I heard him say to my son "you don't have to talk to her, do you want to talk to her". I honestly don't know if my son will ever wake up and realize that I had always been there for him. My son has turned into my ex and it is very scary. He is always being reminded by his father what a rotten parent I am. He has no rules at his house... My heart aches so bad for him.

[so sad]

I have a 16 year old son, soon to be 17 next week. He had been disrespectful to me when he was living here, telling me I get on his nerves, and just being nasty to me. I had sole custody since I divorced his father when he was 2. My ex hates me and has always done so. I started taking my son to counseling 6 months ago because his grades went down and there was constant fighting, he was growing apart from me. The counselor suggested new house rules, cracking down on things, and my son didn't like it. So...instead of trying to help make things better, my ex helps him move out and live with him, so now I have to pay him child support. My son has been telling people that it was bad living here with me. Blaming me for how our household had been. Now my son has it made. He stays on the internet all hours of the night, uses his cell phone as much as he wants. My ex doesn't care. There is no discipline over at his place. My son has been moved out for about 1 month now. I miss him but he doesnt miss me. In fact, I read things he puts on the internet and he seems happy. Any suggestions how to handle this. I have been diagnosed recently with depression because of this. I don't know what to do. I just can't believe that after all the love, after everything I did for him, he just left. He has tried to call me a couple of times, only to see how I am reacting cause I recently got served custody papers to go to court. The counselor suggested that I stay away because he is dishonest with what he says. He recently said he wants me in his life and said he cares, but he told another counselor he is just trying to calm me down so I dont do anything to disrupt things with him and his father. I feel like my son will never miss me, never realize how much he hurt me. He feels that he does nothing wrong and that he had to get away because things were so bad. He was a big part of it. Any suggestions...

Hi my 16 year old son left me last night over a fight we had. He had just gone back to school for being suspended for 3 days for being invoved in a fight. Sprays paint graffiti and sneaks out of my house through his window . I put nails on his window and then started to go from his brithers window. He denies the whole thing. He did not pass 9th and 10th grade. He says I am a bad mother and will never look for me and call me mom. What do I Do to top it off he went with his dads parents who hate me

[starlight38us]

Well here come another mothers day and I still didn't hear from my son.. My son left my life 4 yrs ago and I don't know what made him decide that he no longer wants me in his life... We had the normal mother/son arguments but nothing to make it get this extreme.. His father helped him move out of my home... My ex and I have been divorced for over 13 yrs and he loves to "stick it to me". He's a bad choice of a parent as far as I'm concerned... He backs my son up when it comes to not seeing me... Im a good mother and always was... Anyway I miss my son and I have tried to be the one to start the relationship but he acts like he has no interest.

I was wondering if any other mothers have had their sons abandon their lives... My son shows no emotion what so ever... Just curious what's happened to others that had the same situation as I..

[horriblemom]

Hi Starlight38us,

I left my controlling/gambling/cheating ex in 2006, and he made my then 15 year old son and 13 year old daughter pity him so much... and then took them to his attorney and got them to sign papers to live with him so he could draw child support from me. My son and I were close, and now he curses at me if I dare try to contact him, and he threatens me physically as well. My daughter is very untrusting of me and has even told me she wishes I would die because it would be easier for them.

My children are now 18 and 15, and will not see me at all. My son has not visited me since 2006, and my daughter has not visited me since mid-2008 except if I forced her and she would say she only agreed to come for her daddy's sake to keep me from being mean and putting him in jail (I did not tell her that... but somebody did). I just said she had to come over and lets get things straightened out.

Anyway, I stopped forcing her and she has stopped contacting me at all. I'm devastated as you must be. My children show no empathy towards me at all, and I was the one who worked 2 or 3 jobs to support them when their dad would not work... and still worked 3 jobs to be able to buy them food/clothes when their dad gambled everything.

I want you to know that you are not alone. I turned this whole thing over to God, and I am trying very hard to find happiness in other things and leave them alone. I hope that one day they will remember who did everything for them and forgive me for not being able to tolerate their dad any longer. I did it for 16 years, and could not stand it another day.

I know you are a good mother, and I am so sorry this has happened to you.

[mlanger]

Me too it happens a lot don't take it to heart whatever hurts you and you live through makes you strong

[mrskc]

Sounds so much like me :-(