[thisimperfect]

Just this week, out of no where my husband told me that one month and a few days after we got married he cheated on me with a person whom I absolutely hate. It was a girl for whom he was friends with prior to us meeting, he had liked her, and they had on and off before us had sex. However; when we met he avoided her and all other of his past female friends such as that. Sigh, she still would show up where we lived, one night after we were married I had gone to visit with his brother, when I came back home that night he was gone. I walked down hollywood blvd and found him at popeyes with a friend eating, he hadn't looked me in the eyes, I figured it was because he felt bad for being moody at me for no real reason.

Yesterday I found out that the reason was he and a friend had gone to a bar, the friend had called her and she met them there. They started having sex in the bathroom (she's very classy can't you tell?) however; they stopped as the friend saw me walking from the metro. Him and his friend left in a hurry and went to popeyes before he and the girl could finish.

Five years, and two kids later, the assumption comes to knowledge. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I feel sick, because I remember that night, and from what he explains it wasn't even TWO hours after he had sex with her, that he had sex with me. I know it was five years and two kids ago, but for some reason I feel sick, cheap, and violated. I know he had sex with people before me, however; he was my first, and has only ever been the only person that I have ever had sex with.

Our first year of marriage wasn't the best, he cared more about his friends and left me alone and pregnant. I was only 19 just turning 20 and I did love him. Now I'm not so sure, it feels as though everything is building up, and now I just don't really care. I have no one to talk to, no one without a bias opinion.

I've been thinking about maybe going to therapy for myself to help figure things out. I have never put myself first, I have always put everyone first, my family, my husband, my children.

I smile for my kids, they're so very little, and every time I walk by him my heart it just sinks, and I get that sick gut feeling. I want to cry, but I can't, it just won't come out.

Any ideas?

[JudyKayTee]

Sometimes these things that we think are buried come back and haunt us and, yes, they make us sick. Sounds like she's no prize but I'm also not so sure about him - sounds like they both consented to "bathroom" sex.

Have you sat him down and told him how you feel, how betrayed you feel? He's your husband - talk to him.

And I never see a problem with going to a third party for advice or help when you either can't settle something yourself or just need a sounding board.

Is he a good and faithful husband now and a good father?

Please don't keep posting the same question. We're all volunteers here and it might take a while for someone to respond to you.

[0rphan]

Hi there... I am so sorry your going through this,it's obviously going to be very painful,especially since you quite clearly thought everything was OK between you and your husband.


I'm just wandering why he chose to tell you now... for what reason, is it that he wants out, or maybe the guilt became overpowering and he felt he just had to off load in the hope that you would forgive him!

Five years is a long time, you both have two beautiful children who love and need you both, therefore for your own sanity this must be sorted out.

You both need to sit down,bring everything out into the open and each of you discuss how you feel.

You also need to tell each other how you both feel.

Do you want to make a go of your marriage, do you love your husband enough to say to yourself " this is all in the past, he's with me, we have two wonderful children and i still love him".

I think if your feelings for each other are strong enough to provide a firm foundation for yourselves and your children,why not put it behind you,look to the future,leave the past in the past.
Can you do that?

The two of you must talk, even if it means getting nana to have the children for the night.

Theraphy is a very good idea, it will help you off load allowing you to empty your head.

You are obviously very down right now,even though it was five years ago, for you it is now, having just been told.

Please arrange this therapy as soon as you can also this chat to your husband.

Have a good cry if you can, it's the bodys way of healing

Takecare

[talaniman]

So what is really going on NOW that has stirred up these past feelings?

[JudyKayTee]

I'm reading that for whatever reason she learned yesterday that this was a planned meeting, not a "run in," as she thought.