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dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 12:43 PM

I have a step sister and she is super pretty we were kind of talking before my dad and her mom got together. Then when my dad and her mom got together it kind of ruined it. Well she just recently had her wisdom teeth pulled and I went and laid by her. We held hands and then the next day she said that I made her feel uncomfortable. So basically what I am asking is it OK to be in love with your step sister?

smoothy · Jul 18, 2014, 12:45 PM

You won't have two headed cyclopses... but its going to make you an object of ridicule in most cultures... can't you find someone you aren't related to even by marriage?

joypulv · Jul 18, 2014, 12:49 PM

Yes and no. It's OK to feel feelings for a step sibling, and you aren't related by genetics, but it's not OK to act on them as long as your parents are involved, living together, or married. You are minors and as such have to do what your parents want until you are 18. When you are both 18 (in the US anyway), you can act on your romantic attraction.
If I were you I would talk to someone about this before it gets out of hand. It isn't incest, but can result in a lot of grief for all of you. Is there a parent or relative or another adult in whom you can confide?

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 12:54 PM

joypulv Thank you for your reply! I am really scared to confront someone about my issue because I know everyone will turn on me.

joypulv · Jul 18, 2014, 01:05 PM

How old is each of you?
Is this one sided love (given that she was uncomfortable)?

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:07 PM

joypulv

we were kind of talking before my dad and her mom got together.

I guess in a way but we were kind of talking before my dad and her mom started dating

joypulv · Jul 18, 2014, 01:17 PM

That has nothing to do with anything. You don't get first dibs or anything. They are MARRIED, right? And you all live together? Will you answer my other questions too?

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:21 PM

joypulv
No they are not married. No we do not all live together. She is 16 and I'm 15.

joypulv · Jul 18, 2014, 01:23 PM

Then you are not step siblings.
You didn't say what her feelings are toward you...

I'm going to make an assumption based on you not answering: you are in love and she isn't, or at least you haven't a clue what she feels other than uncomfortable when you lay next to her.

You really, really need to nip this in the bud. Stay away until you can curb your feelings. If your parents talk about marriage or moving in together, and you still feel in love, then tell your parent RIGHT AWAY, and make arrangements to live with a relative.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2014, 01:24 PM

Obviously things have changed and you know she is uncomfortable and it will cause problems and freak everybody out. Best I think to stay within the boundaries of good behavior and keep it brother/sister. Kind of talking way back when doesn't count any more.

Get my meaning? It's not okay to make a stepsister uncomfortable. Bottomline.

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:27 PM

joypulv
Yeahh I'm not sure what her feelings are.

talaniman
Yeahh I completely understand what you are saying. You are not helping just by telling me to let go I am looking for ideas to help me do just that.

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2014, 01:34 PM

Why is she uncomfortable? You are not step sibs.

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:37 PM

Wondergirl
We pretty much are now cause her mom and my dad are together. I don't live with them, but my dad does.

joypulv · Jul 18, 2014, 01:40 PM

Forcing yourself to stifle love isn't easy. There are no 'ideas' like there are for exercising or learning to swim or losing weight.
1 - You tell yourself you are not alone, millions have to suffer it.
2 - You keep busy - school, jobs, reading, taking extra courses, sports, hobbies, learning a new skill, volunteering, getting a pet.
3 - You sit and THINK about the consequences of obsessing over someone who doesn't want you ('unrequited love'), and in this case, you think about the consequences of this even if she were to love you back.
4 - You realize that life is hard, this is a good example, there will be many more, and you tough it out, figuring you will be stronger as a result.

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2014, 01:41 PM

Where do you live? with your mom? And how often are you with your dad?

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:44 PM

joypulv
I feel like you are getting snotty with me and I do not appreciate it. Thank you have a GREAT DAY!

talaniman · Jul 18, 2014, 01:44 PM

I didn't say let go. I specifically said stay within the boundaries of good behavior. Treat her like a sister and not a love interest, and don't make her feel uncomfortable. If you practice that every day you gain control over your feelings in a positive way, and will have no regrets, guilt or shame for thoughtless actions, or freaking anyone out.

There are no quick fixes to dealing with your own feelings, just a solid plan of good behavior you practice over and over until it becomes natural. We humans cannot control what feelings we have, but we can darn sure control what we do about them and the way we act.

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:44 PM

Wondergirl
I live with my grandparents. I go to my dads about every other weekend. Another weird thing is that she always lays her head on my shoulder.

joypulv · Jul 18, 2014, 01:46 PM

WOW, I was so totally sympathetic! Oh well, BYE. Could care less now.

dman1998 · Jul 18, 2014, 01:46 PM

talaniman
Yeahh that is a very good point. It is just hard because she like lays her head on my shoulder and stuff so should I tell her that when she lays her head on me it makes me uncomfortable?