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uncontrollable · Oct 22, 2009, 03:03 PM

I've been really close with my guy best friend for a while. He had recently gotten a girlfriend and everything was good between them. I thought they were good for each other. Well one night a few months ago, after a few drinks were involved, me and my guy best friend ended up having sex. I never saw this coming. I felt so guilty afterwards because I knew he had a girlfriend and I let it happen. More so, I can't believe he let it happen! We were just friends and I don't understand how it happened. But after it happened he left for the army. The only way we could talk was through letters and he'd write to me telling me how he wanted it to happen again when he came home. How could he say all that knowing he has a girlfriend? I won't lie, I started to developing this physical attraction to him but nothing more. I've thought about having sex with him over and over, but I feel to guilty. His girlfriend is a nice girl and I don't want to do that to her. But I feel like once he comes home it could happen again. I do and I don't want it to happen. Am I a bad person for wanting the sex even though he has a girl? I don't know what to do! Or what to think! Is he just using me? I'm so confused!!

jaime90 · Oct 22, 2009, 04:57 PM

It was wrong of you to have sex with him while he has a girlfriend, and it's a bad idea to go behind his girlfriend's back and talk about doing it again. If all you have is physical attraction for this guy and you just want sex, you shouldn't get emotionally involved with him. If you're basing your "relationship" on sex, it will end eventually and you will end up upset.
Put the thoughts from your head and try to avoid talking to him about the subject. If you get involved with him and start dating, the same thing could happen to you- he could go off and start having sex with another girl, I'm not sure how that relationship could function without trust.
Forget about having sex with him, and about any future with this guy- be friends, and be a good support, but avoid subjects like this, it will only cause bad, not good- and as they say, "your sin will find you out." This won't go unnoticed by his girlfriend forever.

bjohnrupp · Oct 22, 2009, 05:13 PM

How would you feel if you had a boyfriend and he was having sex behind your back? I always believe in doing the right thing- if for some reason your guy friend and his girlfriend break up then you can have sex with him all you want but in the mean time he is off limits.

Tell him you don't have sex with taken guys. He's using you- he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

paxe · Oct 22, 2009, 05:17 PM

Next time you see him, bring a big bucket of ice and put it over... well you know.

Bonita-- · Oct 22, 2009, 05:47 PM

You were wrong for having sex with him in the first place and you're wrong for wanting to do it again. He has a girlfriend, you know that but you still slept with him? Sorry to say this but girls like you make me so mad. How would you feel if you had a boyfriend and some girl slept with him behind your back even though she knew you were his girlfriend?.

Anyway, he's obviously using you because if he had real feelings for you he would break up with his girlfriend and be with you, but he doesn't because he only wants sex from you. I say you tell his girlfriend what you did because she deserves to know, tell him that you don't want to sleep with him because he has a girlfriend and don't sleep with him again until he is SINGLE, if you still want to. Learn from your mistake and do not do it again.

DerelictHerds · Oct 22, 2009, 05:57 PM

Fight the lust.

Do the right thing.

jmjoseph · Oct 22, 2009, 06:00 PM

Sex with best friends is never good. You'll either lose a good friend, or make things feel very strange. What you did was wrong, but you know that already so I'm not going to slam you.

Can you see you two getting together, like in holy matrimony? If not, leave him be. Don't re-cross that line.

You can't go back in time and NOT sleep with him, but you can do the right thing now, and that is to stay away from him.

He is a cheater, remember that.

We use alcohol as an excuse all the time. But unless you were passed out, you knew what you were doing. Have you ever cheated in one of YOUR relationships?

friend4u178 · Oct 22, 2009, 06:25 PM

You made a mistake and regret it , learn from that and don't do it again.

He made a mistake and STILL wants to cheat on his GF again :rolleyes: Not real good BF material if you ask me. Tell him straight out NO when he returns. Even if he does leave his GF and you got involved he'd only cheat on you down the track anyway.

asking · Oct 22, 2009, 06:37 PM

Have to spread the rep, but friend's short post gets right to the point.

Not only is not good boyfriend material, he's not such a great friend, since he's encouraging you to be involved in a messy situation that can only end in tears.

Throw a cold bucket of ice on yourself every time you think of him that way.

talaniman · Oct 23, 2009, 11:34 AM

You have crossed the line of good behavior and opened up a can of worms

After a few drinks were involved, me and my guy best friend ended up having sex.

Drinking is never an excuse for bad behavior

he'd write to me telling me how he wanted it to happen again when he came home. How could he say all that knowing he has a girlfriend?

Because your drunk self gave him the all clear signal that its okay to lie and cheat on his girlfriend.

I won't lie, I started to developing this physical attraction to him but nothing more.

So why did you cross the line with him? That's not even friendship, that's lust.

I've thought about having sex with him over and over, but I feel to guilty.

You should feel guilty because what you did was wrong

His girlfriend is a nice girl and I don't want to do that to her. But I feel like once he comes home it could happen again. I do and I don't want it to happen.

You have already "done that" to her, and what your thinking now is doing it again. So much for your guilt.

Am I a bad person for wanting the sex even though he has a girl?

You have had sex with him and if that's not bad enough your thinking of doing it again. Are those the thoughts of a good person? You do the math!

I don't know what to do! Or what to think! Is he just using me? I'm so confused!!

Keep your fantasy to yourself, and don't repeat a dumb mistake, because he is willing to use you for sex some more, and until you get unconfused you will be a bad person who gets used again. For sure he isn't a good person, and even less of a friend, so you don't need him in your life, and you certainly don't need to be drinking and using it as an excuse. Its NOT!

alexa_brown16 · Oct 7, 2010, 01:36 AM

yes i think hes using you & its wrong even tho when u were with him it probally felt soo right.. I was in a similar situation when i was having sex with one of my good guy friends knowing he had a girlfriend. we would hav sex almost everyweekend&we would party 2gether.This went on for months. The reason i had to stop messing around was because, when he was with her, he would ignor me to the fullest.He would also b really mean to me if i called him while he was with her. & i hated that.!! i finally realize he was jst using me for sex when his girlfriend wouldnt give it to him, or when she wasnt around. I think you should NOT continue this kinda relationship with his man. u could end up being hurt. or imagine if his girlfriend finds out.!!