[Nohitter410]

This may be a little bit of a ramble but I think I see a reoccuring problem many people have on here.

#1 Nothing is ever set in stone on how to make a relationship work. Because not every woman or man thinks the same, walks the same or handles problems and relationships the same

#2 Put yourself in your ex's shoes. If you were the one who asked for a break and your ex kept on calling or iming you or trying to figure out what the hell you were thinking, would that honestly make you take them back. Try to sit back and think realistically. Before you pick up the phone and try to plead your case, have a plan and think about what might happen. She or he wants a break for a reason, whether to get his mind right then come right back for what val said could be only just a separation or maybe they just want something new.

Once that happens you just have to walk away for now unless there some underlying circumstances where you know this will be short break. But let me be clear you telling yourself that she still loves you or how can she just throw time away like that. MAYBE she is thinking she threw away some valuable time WITH YOU. That is harsh but people are young and sometime immature and not everyone thinks maturely about how their decisions will affect others or even them for some matter. We are impulse thinkers and that is what gets us in trouble a lot.

My advice to all is to try to sit back and reflect more than just acting on your impulses. This site offers you the ability to calm your urges to want to talk to your ex. I already see the effects of no contact. In one month of no contact, my ex imed me and called me and said she missed me. Then was upset we haven't talked in awhile. After a few months she is now in a relationship but talking to some of my girls recently about it, they put everything in perspective. She may never come back but when she told me she cries every time she talks to me on the phone and it is hard to set her feelings aside it is too much because she doesn't want anything serious but wants me still and knows if we were together it would be serious. So although she jumped in a relationship, she still may really want me but this is a way to help her move on because she may like this guy but at least she can have that comfort level back. Or maybe she does truly like him but you know what no matter what the percentages on rebounds are, I am not going to sit around and be like OK 1 month OK 1 year, they are going to break up and then she will be running back to me. Life shouldn't work like that. You want someone who is madly in love with you and WANTS to be with you.

Sorry to bring up my situation just thought it was relevant because people on here put that false hope or at least fool themselves into thinking this was best. Maybe it was great and I bet it was, but nothing lasts forever. People get divorced or break up all the time that is nothing new. Once a break or breakup happens on here every person is caught off guard and wants the person to take them back because subconciously they think WOW if this person that I thought loved me can just break it off like that I may NEVER find anything better. But that is complete BS and you know it. MAN UP or Woman up(haha) and face reality. Nothing is given to you, you have to work at it. In baseball, if you are 3 out of 10, that is considered a success. What if you succeeded at relationships 3 out of 10 times, I would consider you a success. Not sure if that made sense, but the point I am trying to make is there are many people out there for you but if you lack confidence that you can do no better then you won't because women or men are attracted to confidence and how you carry yourself and if you can't have fun and are uptight all the time because some women or man broke your heart then you will be unhappy forever. Life sucks sometimes, but they should just only be apart of your life then you will truly understand when you have someone that is real.

The physical part and how easy it was for you when you are in a relationship is what fools many people. But this doesn't mean pick your ex apart. She has feelings too just because you don't like what they did doesn't mean they did anything wrong. WHERE DOES IT SAY THEY HAVE TO TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU WANT OR A CERTAIN WAY? Just like you can make your decisions, they can to. Respect them, don't have to like them but understand why they are doing this. Once you do, it will force you to move on and you will be better for it. Trust me! They may come back they may not, but if you are still hoping for them to come back. When they do you will just break up again and be back to square one. Because hope only hurts your progress and you didn't work on anything. You may think you did but you probably didn't if you have to tell yourself you did.

[wap]

Thanks for that insight into things. Yeah, the person who is dumped can blame the other person. I know in my case, I totally blamed myself though. This is what made it harder to deal with I think.

[SouthernBelle06]

Good post. I agree with the part about how having self confidence is crucial to beginning a new relationship. It's just so hard to not have your confidence negatively affected when you are dumped though... especially if it's for another person. How do you not take getting dumped personally and not let it shatter your confidence? :confused:

[talaniman]

Good post. I agree with the part about how having self confidence is crucial to beginning a new relationship. It's just so hard to not have your confidence negatively affected when you are dumped though...especially if it's for another person. How do you not take getting dumped personally and not let it shatter your confidence? :confused:

Knowing yourself before a relationship is where your confidence comes from, and not depending on anyone for yourself confidence or happiness is key, and keeping your own identity through out a relationship is so important to be healthy, happy, and confident you will survive.

[Nohitter410]

Definitely agree. No one wins at everything or has the perfect job or the life that they absolutely dreamt of when they are younger. You work hard and don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do. You accept where you are at or what has happened to you and strive to always be better or least work hard enough where you succeed. If you don't succeed at least know that you put the most you could in the relationship or anything you do.

Blaming yourself is hard not to. But why is it your fault. Maybe you did smother her or move too fast. But it was going good so hard not to. So you think if you took it slow and never called her she still wouldn't maybe find someone else or break up with you either. Maybe you could have prolonged the relationship longer but the reason two people aren't together can be for many reasons.

The person isn't 100% there and as hard as it is to understand that and try to find someone different is what people struggle with everyday. WOmen tend to jump into a relationship much more quick though after a breakup just because it is exciting for them and to be honest in my opinion not trying to be sexist men have to sometimes put more work to a certain extent to begin a relationship.

Not sure what I meant by that probably should get my thoughts together before typing.

Just be confident and understand that god put you on this earth to accomplish something and be something of yourself. Everyone has a purpose and can make a difference someone no matter how little or how big. A woman or man is great but having many fulfilling relationships will help you realize the person you are meant to be with. Just enjoy life and there are lot worse things that could have happened to you then getting dumped. It sucks and not trying to diminish being dumped but seriously, it is a big deal at first but once you find something and move on you will look back and realize you are better off. If not then in my opinion you were holding on false hope and always checked their pages or called them and kept telling yourself how in love you were with them.

If you completely remove yourself you will be better off.

[Wildcat21]

Oh, you can defitely get back together - but people always screw it up.

+ there can't be any lying, cheating, abuse - verbal or physical, alcohol abuse or drugs. Also depends on other circumstances obviously - like age - a 22 year ol gal is really too young to get married etc. she need s to date! - A 30 year old guy is almost too young to marry.

The no contact thing helps you sort out wha thappend - improve yourself - get your power back.

[wap]

I agree with the no confidence thing. I am going to enrol for a Saturday course in 'Boosting Confidence & Assertiveness'. It starts at the end of January, for 6 weeks. At the beginning of the break up you do take it very personally. Well, when I look at myself now I would say I have more going for me now, than I ever did. I am just quite shy, especially around people I don't know.

It is important to turn things around.

[rol]

<<Knowing yourself before a relationship is where your confidence comes from, and not depending on anyone for yourself confidence or happiness is key, and keeping your own identity through out a relationship is so important to be healthy, happy, and confident you will survive.>>

Could not rate again... but oh do I agree!!
Gosh I realised how I changed in that engagement period!! I feel so much better nowadays and have got my old self back and this time I intend to keep me!:)