[monosita]

My husband and I have a good sex life together , although it is getting less and less these days (we have been together for 8 years, married for 3) as it inevitably does. He works nights and I work days so we don't see much of each other which is another story. We occasionally enjoy watching porn together to spice things up, but not every time. When he was out of work about 4 years ago he downloaded about 70 mb of naked women from the net. I found it on his computer and a CD - he denied looking at it at first but I left the computer on one day with the disk in his computer and a naked woman on the screen. I was really hurt more than anything that he lied to me - he had looked me straight in the eye and told me he hadn't downloaded any naked women. I ended up taking the disc to work and destroying it. He rang me to ask where the disc was and I told him I had destroyed it - we had a bit of a fight about it but it eventually died down.

Anyhow, coming back to the porn - I found from the 'history' in explorer that he regularly looks at porn on his computer. When I've asked him about it in the past he's got angry with me for snooping. Maybe I shouldn't snoop I know - but I can't help it because he lied to me in the past about it. I don't like the idea that he is getting turned on by this stuff when I'm not there and feel that he's all 'spent' when it comes to me! He also says he likes looking at cleavages and so whenever any woman has one when we're around I feel uncomfortable and feel that he's looking at them - I often find him looking directly at their chests and I don't like it. He says that I am controlling and he doesn't feel that he can do anything and that he should wear blinkers when he is around me. Am I being too sensitive??

[dumbo4]

No!! He should be respecting you and not looking at others. Porn, I'm so so with pending on how often. I wouldn't like it though if my hubby has mags or dvd's or cds. But we watch the hbo cheap porn sometimes. But I think he is insensitive to look at others. I would feel he isn't interested in me sexually if I was in your place.

[Yankeesfans2]

I think he's just a man and men love boobs and porn.. lol.. maybe the lacking lovemaking is because you have pulled away.. knowing and probably dwelling on the question does he find me as attractive? I am not saying he's right, I am just saying maybe your taking it too personally so to speak. I know I am in a similar situation with being the one pulling away but because I can't get something else out of my mind... lol.. different story for a different day... the lying is what would most bother me!

[dumbo4]

True, the honesty is most important, but I would feel like I was unattractive to my husband if he was looking in front of me. I told him that if he feels at all like looking, do it when I am not around or he's in the dog house. We love each other very much and have a lot of respect for each other that the only stuff we look at when it comes to that is the cheap porn on hbo and cinamax. After thinking about your question though, it made me think of the time when my hubby and I had to take those classes that you have tot ake before getting married. They said that you and your spouse pick out one room in your house or apt. and that is the only room you are allowed to fight in. if you think that this may cause a fight between you and your hubby, pick out a room to have a discussion in that may cause a fight. Tel your hubby that you really want to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel about everything. Your feeling towards his lying, his porn and looking and how it makes you feel. Tell him that his honesty is very important to you and that even if it may hurt you what he has to say you would rather hear the truth than lies. (if this goes for the worst in the relationshipm I am not accountable for what happens. Sorry.) if the truth is that he is interested in others, that would hurt like no other, but at least your no living a lie and maybe there could be counseling. If the truth is that their isn't enough time for some nookie between you two with your schedules that he says he is turning to porn and looking cause either you don't dress that way or he just doesn't see enough that he looks or he isn't getting enough. If that is the case, try and do a date night or set out some time just for you two. I know with kids it can be hard. So if you have kids I guess it would be around their schedule of when they are napping, sleeping or old enough to be at friends. But it is important to talk about honestly and to set some time out every day for just you two. To talk, play games(sex games or reg. games), dance, romatic dinner, movies, whatever. Just find some for your two every day and talk. Communication is key, especially when it is honest and a study said the more love making, the beter chanve of having a healthy heart and less chance of a heart attack or stroke. My first answer hit a note because I had an ex whoo cheated on me in high school and he lied about it. I am very thank ful to have a honest and loving husband. I wish you well and hope everything turns out with you and your husband. If this is good advice and you need to talk, you can still talk to me if you want. I run a business out of my house and get a chance to geto and the computer sometimes throughout the day.
Good luck!

[talaniman]

I think you may be a little on the sensitive side and you shouldn't take his behavior as personal. Hey all us guys like a little racy entertainment every now and then and it really has nothing to do with our mates at all. You yourself said you like the cheap porn on cable so its only a matter of degrees probably. I think you need to get over it a little, sounds like a personal problem. Why make such a big deal out of it? I do agree that a man should not lie about these things but what's a guy to do when he knows the consequences of telling the truth?

[jrussole]

He is fantasizing, which is normal. Maybe you should have a sexy pic of you and send to him for Chrismas? That may liven up his/your sex drive? Where his fantasies can become reality? Just something to think about.

[manimuth]

You said that he "regularly looks at porn" and that "he's all 'spent'" when it comes time to have sex with you. Does this mean that you feel like he is choosing porn over having sex with you? In my humble opinion, this is what sounds like more of a problem than him looking at women's cleavages in public. I think that a good, long, open and honest talk is important since you have so many concerns. Tell him how what he has done and what he is doing makes you feel. Tell him how much you love him and that you do not want to control him, but that he has to know how uncomfortable you are. Don't hold in your feelings because you will only become increasingly distrustful. I hope that this helps. Good luck.

[jrussole]

If I were you, I would get a pic of me in something sexy and give it to him for Christmas. Then his fantasy can become reality.

[talaniman]

I think that a good, long, open and honest talk is important since you have so many concerns.

Sounds like a plan.

[jrussole]

Sorry. Read what I said and meant:
If I were you, I would get a pic of myself and give it to him for Christmas! I hope that clarifies things.
Your probably not going to change his appetite for sexual deviation. He will probably do it anyway, in spite of knowing it bothers you. But you can try. Some men just need that extra spice in their lives. To day dream. If it gets out of hand though, you and he -may need counseling.
I would also buy some sexy outfits to entice him. Even if you feel awkward about how you look, if that is the case? If he loves you, it doesn't matter. He should love all of you. We all can't look like Angelina Jolie. But it helps if we strive to be the best we can be. Plus, she has a manacurist. A make-up artist, etc.

I once feel asleep on the beach in the Hamptons, with some friends. Well, it ended up to be some famous models house. She came out screaming and yelling at us at daybreak. And boy, was she ugly! No makeup, hair a mess, with sweat pants and a tee shirt. From that point on, I never worried about my looks. I looked better than she will ever look in the morning!

[dumbo4]

While I was reading these, it was kind of interesting with how the answers vary. Sexy pics could work, but if your superstitious, they say that is just as a bad idea as getting your boyfriend, girlfirend, souse tattood on you. And it would depend on how comfy you were. You can always spice things up by sexy outfits, do a little dance or what you may think be of interest to your partner. Honesty is key, and if he does in front of you or kies about, how well does he respect you? Men may not go through the same emotions as women and some women may fell differenty, but most women and even men I know have all said that when theys ee their partner look at porn or others that is makes them feel low and they wonder how attractive they are to their spouce, etc... but I g uess the question kind of is, do you want the truth? Do want to deal with the lies and feel that you may have to check up on him?(if that is the case, that isn't good) do you feel you know when he is honest? Does he respect you enough to tell the truth and respect your wishes?(this can go to any degree) what is it you want? What would make you happy? What can you do to make yourself happy? What can you do to make you spouse happy? Some of those porns can be used for anything. Granted they can be used for something nasty or something good. Maybe with the porn shows, he wants some of that done to him. For the clothes, maybe he would like that too. If he is usung all his energy with porn, talk to him to see what he likes to spice it up. Just because we think we know what our spouse likes, doesn't mean they want it like that all the time. I'm sure they would like something different just like us women. We all have our own opinions on this, whether they be sensitive or hard core, but that shows that everyone has their different opinions. No one can actually give you an answer. You just have to trust your heart and listen to what your heart says. Some say actions speak louder than words. If he isn't listening to you, try one of the things he likes with this porn stuff. But if you keep snooping into things and reading things, you could get the wrong answer. If your pulling away, figure out what you need to do to pull back to him. Sexually, mentally, emotioanlly, phsyically, etc. I pull away sometimes because I am a little over weight and wanting to lose weight. I have started to lose weight and fell better to point about myself. I feel that when I see the flubber and could lose the extra 50 ponds that that is what my hubby sees. And it hurts. Both of us. But I try and make it up in ither ways. I buy the sexy clothes to cover up that flubber. But my hubby doesn't see that because he loves me. And loves me for who I am and what I look like. I listen to my heart and I follow it. You just have to stop thinking and listen. It may sound corny, but it works. You have some questions to ask yourself and him. When you figure out what you want and what he wants, go from there. Don't take everything wrong, though it may hard. Listen to advice, but do what you feel is right. There is no bad advice or good advice. You just have to do what you feel is right. What you thought is right could be wrong, and you take it as bad advice, but you have the choice. And you have the choice with your spouse. Do what your tells you and do what you feel is right. Well, I have kids and their fighting so I better run

[phillysteakandcheese]

... I often find him looking directly at their chests and I don't like it. ... Am I being too sensitive???

As much as I like boobs and nice cleavage, it goes against social decorum to make an overt effort and obviously stare at a woman's chest.

That kind of behavior moves from "noticeably nice" to "creepy" in a real hurry.

I don't think this is about porn...

I think this is about him not being respectul or considerate of your feelings.

[jrussole]

True, I agree. He may not be respectful or considerate of her feelings. Therefore, if she has confronted him about it and nothing changes- maybe she should try another avenue to get through to him?

[talaniman]

True, I agree. He may not be respectful or considerate of her feelings. Therefore, if she has confronted him about it and nothing changes- maybe she should try another avenue to get through to him?

Yeah, more dramatic maybe, like crashing the computer, or reseting the adult controls, or serving fried mush for dinner, or throwing away his underwear, and replacing them with... Diapers. Am I getting carried away? He does sound dense in my opinion and may need a GOOD wake up call.

[jrussole]

Well now she has two avenues of revenge. Using her womanhood or getting even! Or both! Lol I would try the female manipulation first, myself. But if all else fails, blowing up the computer would be my avenue of choice.

I have a friend who hated her husband. She told me that she took crazy glue and glued his penis to his belly button. When he woke up that morning and went to the bathroom, he pee'd in his face! Lol Needless to say, they divorced. But I always wondered about this story. A penis that reached his belly button? Wow! Was he Tommy Lee's brother?

[rkim291968]

If your husband prefers porn over you, then this is a problem you should be concerned about. Otherwise, please be aware that most men (if not ALL!) have looked at/will look at porn - one study shows that over 90% of men have looked at internet porn.

[talaniman]

If your husband prefers porn over you, then this is a problem you should be concerned about. Otherwise, please be aware that most men (if not ALL!) have looked at/will look at porn - one study shows that over 90% of men have looked at internet porn.

When it gets to the point you ignore ordesrespect your partner, that's a problem. I'd be wearing fried mush or ave my penis stapled to my stomach, ad rightfully so... ouch!

[jrussole]

Yikes! I would NEVER EVER hurt my Penis! But the wearing of food, now that could be enticing enough to get him away from those dang hoochies!

[l12]

My husband and I have a good sex life together , although it is getting less and less these days (we have been together for 8 years, married for 3) as it inevitably does. He works nights and I work days so we don't see much of each other which is another story. We occasionally enjoy watching porn together to spice things up, but not every time. When he was out of work about 4 years ago he downloaded about 70 mb of naked women from the net. I found it on his computer and a CD - he denied looking at it at first but I left the computer on one day with the disk in his computer and a naked woman on the screen. I was really hurt more than anything that he lied to me - he had looked me straight in the eye and told me he hadn't downloaded any naked women. I ended up taking the disc to work and destroying it. He rang me to ask where the disc was and I told him I had destroyed it - we had a bit of a fight about it but it eventually died down.

Anyhow, coming back to the porn - I found from the 'history' in explorer that he regularly looks at porn on his computer. When I've asked him about it in the past he's got angry with me for snooping. Maybe I shouldn't snoop I know - but I can't help it because he lied to me in the past about it. I don't like the idea that he is getting turned on by this stuff when I'm not there and feel that he's all 'spent' when it comes to me! He also says he likes looking at cleavages and so whenever any woman has one when we're around I feel uncomfortable and feel that he's looking at them - I often find him looking directly at their chests and I don't like it. He says that I am controlling and he doesn't feel that he can do anything and that he should wear blinkers when he is around me. Am I being too sensitive???

Are you my sister?? In the same boat or what? My biggest question is why they hide it... Especially when I don't condemn it.. I only did when I first found out because it has been affecting our intimacy... which was totally not fair. I'm still looking all the time at his history and cookies just because I don't trust him... he admitted it the first time I found out but now if I confront him he denies it... when I know he's been there... duh...