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InlovewithMarcus · Nov 3, 2006, 02:55 PM

I've held on to someone for almost 5 years I can't let him go, I even sabatoge his new relationships(not on purpose) he visited me his girlfriend got mad and dumped him I talk to him almost everyday online but I can't tell him so I just don't say anything. I can't kepp going on like this. Should I tell him or should I let him go and if it's the latter how do I do it?? :confused:

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 3, 2006, 03:12 PM

Can I ask a question, have you ever been in a relationship with him?

What is the history between you two?

s_cianci · Nov 3, 2006, 03:14 PM

Well, what exactly is it that you want to "tell him?" Evidently the two of you communicate daily and it's by mutual assent, to the point where his new girlfriends don't trust him, evidently believing that something's going on between the two of you, and end up breaking up with him. He allows this to continue so one has to wonder about his motive and where he's coming from in all of this. It doesn't sound like a healthy situation, that's for sure. It sounds like you're holding each other back from finding a true, successful relationship with someone with whom you're truly compatible. You've held on to literally nothing for 5 years. Frankly, I'd let it go at this point. Cut off any and all contact with him, as though he no longer exists. Move on with your life. As it is, you're only holding yourself back. If nothing's come of it in 5 years, it's highly unlikely that anything ever will come out of it.

Sentra · Nov 3, 2006, 03:15 PM

If you are sabotaging chances he has with other women, then you are hurting not only them but HIM too, then you do not, do not at all care about this person. I say move on before you get your feelings hurt in the process, and turn your attentions somewhere else.

InlovewithMarcus · Nov 3, 2006, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Can I ask a question, have you ever been in a relationship with him?

What is the history between you two??

We dated 5 years ago for a very short 3 months but he always finds a way to make it back to me visiting me writing me sending songs!

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 03:24 PM

You need to provide more information in complete sentences.

InlovewithMarcus · Nov 3, 2006, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by Sentra

If you are sabotaging chances he has with other women, then you are hurting not only them but HIM too, then you do not, do not at all care about this person. I say move on before you get your feelings hurt in the process, and turn your attentions somewhere else.

I know I can't I don't know how and it's not like I try he always seems to choose me over the others I can't help it:(

Originally Posted by chuff

You need to provide more information in complete sentences.

HUH I don't write in complete sentances lol

Sentra · Nov 3, 2006, 03:32 PM

Sounds like you enable his behavior by making yourself available. Stop doing it, the more you do the more you will present yourself with this problem. You should consider yourself more than just a 'backup' gal (And it sounds VERY much like he is treating you this way), and the more you 'care' for him, the more you let him take advantage of the situation (unintentionally, I am guessing). Find a man who will want you as his first choice, or better yet, tell yourself you are worth more than what you are getting now.

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 3, 2006, 03:36 PM

It sounds more like an obsession without meaning to sound rude.. Is 3 months of being together a strong foundation for such huge feelings you have. I have just split up with my fiancé of 3 years and can justify the intense feelings I have for her but 3 months, I can't understand that.

I don't want to undermine what you are going through but you need to step back and look at the bigger picture, are you wasting your life away by doing this.. 5 years is a long time.

I would definitely have moved on from this.

But also, he lets his relationships get ruined by this, what's all that about??

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 3, 2006, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by InlovewithMarcus

we dated 5 years ago for a very short 3 months but he always finds a way to make it back to me visiting me writing me sending songs!

Keeping you as a 2nd option for sure... You are worth more than this, let him know that.. Cease all contact and move on from it.

Easier said than done, but you can get plenty of support in here!!

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by InlovewithMarcus

HUH I don't write in complete sentances lol

Well I guess what I meant was I didn't understand this...

Originally Posted by InlovewithMarcus

I've held on to someone for almost 5 years I can't let him go, I even sabatoge his new relationships(not on purpose) he visited me his gf got mad and dumped him I talk to him almost everyday online but I can't tell him so I just don't say anything. I can't kepp going on like this. should I tell him or should I let him go and if it's the latter how do i do it?????

I don't understand that first run on sentence.

You've held onto who for 5 years?
1 a friend?
To a boyfriend?
3 friend with behefit?
4 married man?

How can you not let him go if he's not yours? If he is yours why is he with other people? What is not on purpose? I need more information then the words "not on purpose."

You say his girlfriend got mad cause he visited you? Why? There has to be more to that.

talaniman · Nov 3, 2006, 04:21 PM

What kind of social life have you got if you've been allowing someone to monopolise your time for 5 years and have nothing but misery and drama to show for it? How can this be healthy, since he gets out has a life and dates? You need to cut him loose because you don't have love, or friendship here. Not healthy at ALL.