Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    christy9800's Avatar
    christy9800 Posts: 59, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    May 21, 2007, 08:07 AM
    Should I keep my mouth shut?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I'm somewhat friends w/his ex-wife also. I actually had known her before I started dating her ex-husband. He's never liked the fact that we talk, but he says as long as he's kept out of any conversation we have, to keep him out of it. (which is fine). I never discuss w/her my relationship w/him! Anyway, she called me this past weekend and told me that her boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes. But, she asked me not to say anything to her ex-husband just yet. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I wouldn't say anything because that is strictly between the two of them. I guess she's not planning on telling anybody other than her closest friends at least until fall. They also have a 7 yr old and she's not telling him either. I feel really guilty knowing this secret that I have to keep from my boyfriend (her ex). But on the other hand, I don't want to betray her. Also I feel like she'll tell him when she's ready. Should I say anything, or keep my mouth shut? I told her once she does tell him, she cannot lead on like I knew anything about it. What should I do?? :confused:
    BigCityDreams007's Avatar
    BigCityDreams007 Posts: 80, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    May 21, 2007, 08:21 AM
    I wouldn't say anything... She told you as a friend and if she doesn't want your boyfriend to know then you should respect that.
    Superfly999's Avatar
    Superfly999 Posts: 235, Reputation: 14
    Full Member
     
    #3

    May 21, 2007, 08:24 AM
    Question : Is the 7 year old your boyfriend and his ex's or is it his ex's and her husband?

    Really, he has nothing to do with his ex any more since they broke up. He is with you now and unless he wants to know about her, which he already said he doesn't even want to hear ANYTHING about her, I would just keep it between you and her; she was telling you because you two are friends. YOU have a link to your boyfriends ex because you are her friend; your boyfriend does not have a link to her any more (except through you but he doesn't want to see her so its only your friend). There is no secret because he doesn't want to know so don't feel like you are keeping one because it doesn't involve your boyfriend.

    However, If that 7 year old is your boyfriend and his ex's child, this is a whole different story. Your boyfriend here has a major link to his ex if this is the case. He has a right to know who his child and what his child is around. This is only if that 7 year old is his.
    vlee's Avatar
    vlee Posts: 454, Reputation: 109
    Full Member
     
    #4

    May 22, 2007, 08:53 AM
    I think you need to stay out of it altogether, even if the child is your boyfriend's. That is his and her issue to resolve and you play no role in that whatsoever. Also, your boyfriend will obviously find out about the marriage, and I assume he is already aware that his ex is dating this guy. The ex will tell him when she feels the time is right, and it certainly isn't necessary before there is a date set! Maybe she doesn't want her son to know yet because she is hoping he and her new boyfriend will grow closer first. You need to respect your friendship and keep your lips sealed, as you promised.
    Andreas_111's Avatar
    Andreas_111 Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
    New Member
     
    #5

    Jun 13, 2007, 04:44 AM
    That's why you should never take on a friends ex...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #6

    Jun 13, 2007, 05:10 AM
    Well the trouble here is that will he be mad that you knew and did not tell him. ( esp something important that is going on in the life of his child? )

    You should never promise not to tell your husband ( or wife) anything, what you should have done was to tell them I am sorry I can not hide things from him.
    I am sorry in the fact I don't trust "ex's" and she may well know how mad he will get when he finds out you knew this entire time.

    I personally would call her and tell her that keeping secrets from a husband is not proper and that you will need to tell him.

    You are risking anger, and perhaps even your own relationship and trust for something about a EX.
    Squiffy's Avatar
    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
    Full Member
     
    #7

    Jun 13, 2007, 05:21 AM
    I am fr chuck on this one. He is your partner and not telling him is keeping a secret from him. You have a loyalty to your friend too, but it depends which is the bigest loyalty. I know I wouldn't keep anything from my partner. Why does she not want him to know? They have obviously both moved on, so why keep it such a secret from him, but yet tell you? That seems really odd to me. If he wasn't her ex, would she still not want you telling your partner? Is he going to be upset about the marriage? Or about you knowing and not telling him? Can you handle the possible fallout if there is likley to be one?
    Dalia's Avatar
    Dalia Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jun 13, 2007, 05:34 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by christy9800
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I'm somewhat friends w/his ex-wife also. I actually had known her before I started dating her ex-husband. He's never liked the fact that we talk, but he says as long as he's kept out of any conversation we have, to keep him out of it. (which is fine). I never discuss w/her my relationship w/him! Anyway, she called me this past weekend and told me that her boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes. But, she asked me not to say anything to her ex-husband just yet. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I wouldn't say anything because that is strictly between the two of them. I guess she's not planning on telling anybody other than her closest friends atleast until fall. They also have a 7 yr old and she's not telling him either. I feel really guilty knowing this secret that I have to keep from my boyfriend (her ex). But on the other hand, I don't want to betray her. Also I feel like she'll tell him when she's ready. Should I say anything, or keep my mouth shut? I told her once she does tell him, she cannot lead on like I knew anything about it. What should I do???:confused:
    Do not say anything! She trusts you, and this would be a serious breach of her trust. If you no longer feel comfortable keeping her confidences going forward, you can ask her to not tell you things that you don't want your boyfriend to also know, but you shouldn't let her tell you things and then break the trust. You have a good friend it seems, and why risk losing that? She will tell him when she is ready. And really, it shouldn't matter to him anyway since she isn't his responsibility anymore! Good luck!
    mag oblivious's Avatar
    mag oblivious Posts: 22, Reputation: 4
    New Member
     
    #9

    Jul 2, 2007, 01:29 AM
    I think you should keep quiet about it. She seems to trust you, I personally don't think it should be your place to say anything anyway.
    vball43's Avatar
    vball43 Posts: 76, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    Jul 2, 2007, 07:08 AM
    Keep your mouth shut after all it is his EX. It is NONE of his buisiness. It's only yours.
    yaleoxford2nd's Avatar
    yaleoxford2nd Posts: 31, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Jul 4, 2007, 07:53 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by christy9800
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I'm somewhat friends w/his ex-wife also. I actually had known her before I started dating her ex-husband. He's never liked the fact that we talk, but he says as long as he's kept out of any conversation we have, to keep him out of it. (which is fine). I never discuss w/her my relationship w/him! Anyway, she called me this past weekend and told me that her boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes. But, she asked me not to say anything to her ex-husband just yet. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I wouldn't say anything because that is strictly between the two of them. I guess she's not planning on telling anybody other than her closest friends atleast until fall. They also have a 7 yr old and she's not telling him either. I feel really guilty knowing this secret that I have to keep from my boyfriend (her ex). But on the other hand, I don't want to betray her. Also I feel like she'll tell him when she's ready. Should I say anything, or keep my mouth shut? I told her once she does tell him, she cannot lead on like I knew anything about it. What should I do???:confused:
    I think that you should sit down with your man and talk to him, and be like well I'm friends with her and I know that you don't want me too, but I think that I can have friends too. Remember Chicks before guys!

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

My mouth is numb [ 7 Answers ]

I am having numbness in my mouth and the other day I had a leg that would not work it was like it was numb and my hands have been going numb also. Any suggestions on what to do. I am tired of going to the ER or doctor and them finding nothing wrong. Please help if you have any ideas.:confused:

Cracked mouth [ 12 Answers ]

I sometimes suffer from cuts at the side of my mouth, especially when I am eating fruit and things. I have to chop melon up as to eat it from a big chunk seems to nip. My mum reckons this is a B Vitamin deficiency?

Mouth [ 1 Answers ]

Can having afilling in tooth trap a nerve in your lips and make your lips pucker up every time you try to talk.

Mouth [ 1 Answers ]

For the past two years when I talk my lips go really tight and the musssels in my face really hert my jore herts I have been to see doctors at hospital they say it is someing to do with my neck , it is getting worse every day they gave me mussel relacents but they did not work. Help

Do I speak up or shut my mouth? [ 4 Answers ]

Myself and two other people are general assistants to our boss who owns a small private business. Lately, since school has started up (both high school and college), our hours we are able to work have shifted a bit. I am generally the morning person and work alone while the other two are in...


View more questions Search