Ask Me Help Desk - Should I keep my mouth shut?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I'm somewhat friends w/his ex-wife also. I actually had known her before I started dating her ex-husband. He's never liked the fact that we talk, but he says as long as he's kept out of any conversation we have, to keep him out of it. (which is fine). I never discuss w/her my relationship w/him! Anyway, she called me this past weekend and told me that her boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes. But, she asked me not to say anything to her ex-husband just yet. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I wouldn't say anything because that is strictly between the two of them. I guess she's not planning on telling anybody other than her closest friends at least until fall. They also have a 7 yr old and she's not telling him either. I feel really guilty knowing this secret that I have to keep from my boyfriend (her ex). But on the other hand, I don't want to betray her. Also I feel like she'll tell him when she's ready. Should I say anything, or keep my mouth shut? I told her once she does tell him, she cannot lead on like I knew anything about it. What should I do?? :confused:

I wouldn't say anything... She told you as a friend and if she doesn't want your boyfriend to know then you should respect that.

Question : Is the 7 year old your boyfriend and his ex's or is it his ex's and her husband?

Really, he has nothing to do with his ex any more since they broke up. He is with you now and unless he wants to know about her, which he already said he doesn't even want to hear ANYTHING about her, I would just keep it between you and her; she was telling you because you two are friends. YOU have a link to your boyfriends ex because you are her friend; your boyfriend does not have a link to her any more (except through you but he doesn't want to see her so its only your friend). There is no secret because he doesn't want to know so don't feel like you are keeping one because it doesn't involve your boyfriend.

However, If that 7 year old is your boyfriend and his ex's child, this is a whole different story. Your boyfriend here has a major link to his ex if this is the case. He has a right to know who his child and what his child is around. This is only if that 7 year old is his.

I think you need to stay out of it altogether, even if the child is your boyfriend's. That is his and her issue to resolve and you play no role in that whatsoever. Also, your boyfriend will obviously find out about the marriage, and I assume he is already aware that his ex is dating this guy. The ex will tell him when she feels the time is right, and it certainly isn't necessary before there is a date set! Maybe she doesn't want her son to know yet because she is hoping he and her new boyfriend will grow closer first. You need to respect your friendship and keep your lips sealed, as you promised.

That's why you should never take on a friends ex...

Well the trouble here is that will he be mad that you knew and did not tell him. ( esp something important that is going on in the life of his child? )

You should never promise not to tell your husband ( or wife) anything, what you should have done was to tell them I am sorry I can not hide things from him.
I am sorry in the fact I don't trust "ex's" and she may well know how mad he will get when he finds out you knew this entire time.

I personally would call her and tell her that keeping secrets from a husband is not proper and that you will need to tell him.

You are risking anger, and perhaps even your own relationship and trust for something about a EX.

I am fr chuck on this one. He is your partner and not telling him is keeping a secret from him. You have a loyalty to your friend too, but it depends which is the bigest loyalty. I know I wouldn't keep anything from my partner. Why does she not want him to know? They have obviously both moved on, so why keep it such a secret from him, but yet tell you? That seems really odd to me. If he wasn't her ex, would she still not want you telling your partner? Is he going to be upset about the marriage? Or about you knowing and not telling him? Can you handle the possible fallout if there is likley to be one?

Quote:

Originally Posted by christy9800

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I'm somewhat friends w/his ex-wife also. I actually had known her before I started dating her ex-husband. He's never liked the fact that we talk, but he says as long as he's kept out of any conversation we have, to keep him out of it. (which is fine). I never discuss w/her my relationship w/him! Anyway, she called me this past weekend and told me that her boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes. But, she asked me not to say anything to her ex-husband just yet. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I wouldn't say anything because that is strictly between the two of them. I guess she's not planning on telling anybody other than her closest friends atleast until fall. They also have a 7 yr old and she's not telling him either. I feel really guilty knowing this secret that I have to keep from my boyfriend (her ex). But on the other hand, I don't want to betray her. Also I feel like she'll tell him when she's ready. Should I say anything, or keep my mouth shut? I told her once she does tell him, she cannot lead on like I knew anything about it. What should I do???:confused:

Do not say anything! She trusts you, and this would be a serious breach of her trust. If you no longer feel comfortable keeping her confidences going forward, you can ask her to not tell you things that you don't want your boyfriend to also know, but you shouldn't let her tell you things and then break the trust. You have a good friend it seems, and why risk losing that? She will tell him when she is ready. And really, it shouldn't matter to him anyway since she isn't his responsibility anymore! Good luck!

I think you should keep quiet about it. She seems to trust you, I personally don't think it should be your place to say anything anyway.

Keep your mouth shut after all it is his EX. It is NONE of his buisiness. It's only yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by christy9800

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I'm somewhat friends w/his ex-wife also. I actually had known her before I started dating her ex-husband. He's never liked the fact that we talk, but he says as long as he's kept out of any conversation we have, to keep him out of it. (which is fine). I never discuss w/her my relationship w/him! Anyway, she called me this past weekend and told me that her boyfriend proposed to her and she said yes. But, she asked me not to say anything to her ex-husband just yet. I told her I was happy for her. I told her I wouldn't say anything because that is strictly between the two of them. I guess she's not planning on telling anybody other than her closest friends atleast until fall. They also have a 7 yr old and she's not telling him either. I feel really guilty knowing this secret that I have to keep from my boyfriend (her ex). But on the other hand, I don't want to betray her. Also I feel like she'll tell him when she's ready. Should I say anything, or keep my mouth shut? I told her once she does tell him, she cannot lead on like I knew anything about it. What should I do???:confused:

I think that you should sit down with your man and talk to him, and be like well I'm friends with her and I know that you don't want me too, but I think that I can have friends too. Remember Chicks before guys!