[Cat1864]

Then how did you meet her? Or is that classified information, too?

[Wondergirl]

You first mentioned her condition. We wouldn't have known about it and asked otherwise.

You caused us to think you're in the UK (your original post), and then we discover you're in Australia, so why wouldn't we be curious about who's going where when?

You shouldn't have mentioned either (confidentiality between friends?). The fault lies with you.

[ScottGem]

scottgem:
You still don't get it. We are now talking about an 11 yr old child who you met while she was in Australia. You have given no indication on how you met her, how long you have known her or what you are going to do when she returns to the UK. What about those things?

again, if she wants to tell you or she wants me to tell you then i will. but no one here except for me and her have the right to know about that stuff

Ok, you finally learned how to properly respond to a thread. Now learn to use the Quote feature.

No, you don't have to tell us about her condition. But that begs the question about why you won't. We have no idea who she is, an advantage of the anonymity of the Net. But even if you don't want to reveal that, why can't you answer my other questions about how you met or how long you know her or what you will do when she returns to the UK?

[husky004]

I'm 40, to you that must be ancient

-first of all, I don't consider 40 ancient, your not young, but you're sure as hell no old, so ancient is an extreem overexaduration.

You don't understand what we're saying because of your age.

-
And that is where everyone here is getting it wrong, none of you know me, none of you know what I'm like, I may not be an adult but I do realize the potential consiquences, but we will get through them together, which means I will take anything any logic or moral disagreements any of you can throw at me, because I love her and will do anything for her.

What were you doing when you were 11? Be honest with yourself

-you want to know what I was doing at eleven, like her I didn't want to live, I don't want her to go through that until she's 16 like me. I can help her get through it, and to be honest, she helps me get through it just by listening to me, let alone talking to me

No, you don't have to tell us about her condition. But that begs the question about why you won't. We have no idea who she is, an advantage of the anonymity of the Net. But even if you don't want to reveal that, why can't you answer my other questions about how you met or how long you know her or what you will do when she returns to the UK?

-because they are her business, not yours. If you asked a question about me personally, like my depression, or something that doesn't involve her then I would answer it, because I have the right to answer questions about me. I don't however have the right to answer questions that go that far into her personal life

[Wondergirl]

-because they are her business, not yours.

Why did you bring it up then?

[husky004]

-because they are her business, not yours.
Why did you bring it up then?

Her condition? So you know I have at least one reason to want to help her through this difficult time for her

[Alty]

you want to know what I was doing at eleven, like her I didn't want to live, I don't want her to go through that until she's 16 like me. I can help her get through it, and to be honest, she helps me get through it just by listening to me, let alone talking to me

Do you realize that your main reason for wanting to date her is to make yourself feel better? You're dependent on her for your happiness, and she's become dependent on you for the same. That is scariest part of all of this.

Relationship 101, dating someone just to make yourself feel less sad, is the worst thing you could do. Dating someone vulnerable, young, easily influenced, because they're in the same boat as you, is even more wrong.

You want to date her for all the wrong reason, but you can't see it. You want her to make you happy. She's a child. That's way too much to load onto her plate. You're giving her a responsibility that she simply cannot handle. You're also taking on a responsibility that you're not old enough, or mature enough, to take on.

There's a reason why there are professional counselors, and there's a reason many people on this thread had suggested that you and the child, both see one. Counselors are educated to deal with depression, with the things both of you are going through. You on the other hand, will only do more harm to this child, and you're also putting yourself in harms way by relying on a child to make you happy.

I don't expect you to understand, but at least listen, open your mind to what I'm saying. I've been here. When I was younger I wanted to die, because I hated what I had become, hated what was done to me. I did the same thing your little friend did, I expected a relationship with someone older to make me happy, to make all the bad thoughts and feelings go away. That's not a relationship. That's a disaster waiting to happen, and chances are, you won't make it out unscathed, nor will she.

You need help. She needs help. The last thing either of you need is to date each other and make things even worse. You will break up sooner or later, at your age, and especially at hers, it's inevitable. So, how will you handle having the person you "need" in order to feel happy, taken away?

You think this is a fix to both of your issues. It's not. The only thing you're doing by encouraging a relationship with this child, is making both of your issues even worse.

Please, think about it. Not 5 minutes of thinking, but actually sitting down, writing a list of the pros and cons of this relationship, include all the legal and emotional aspects, and then tell me, do you really, really think that you're doing the right thing for either of you?

[Alty]

her condition? So you know I have at least one reason to want to help her through this difficult time for her

It's not your job to help her through this. You don't have the resources to help her, you're a kid too. She needs professional help.

You can't give her what she needs, you can only do the right thing and walk away, so she will get the help she needs and stop relying on you.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm working on "no sex involved, just kissing."

So what is kissing?

(Sorry but I'm coming into this late.)

[husky004]

her condition? So you know I have at least one reason to want to help her through this difficult time for her
It's not your job to help her through this. You don't have the resources to help her, you're a kid too. She needs professional help.

You can't give her what she needs, you can only do the right thing and walk away, so she will get the help she needs and stop relying on you.

-and that's where you're wrong, I can afford to pat for the things she needs to handle her condition. I have a very well paid job considering my age. So I do have the resources to help her. And helping her, that is what makes me happy

[husky004]

I'm working on "no sex involved, just kissing."

So what is kissing?

(Sorry but I'm coming into this late.)


-what do you mean by, "so what is kissing?" I would have thought it was fairly obvious

[JudyKayTee]

Kissing in a non-sexual way? Either she's a very old 11 year old with no parental supervision OR you're a very young 16 year old with the same level of supervision.

You aren't here for advice - you're here to argue. I think it's all been said and it's time to close.

[husky004]

Kissing in a non-sexual way? Either she's a very old 11 year old with no parental supervision OR you're a very young 16 year old with the same level of supervision.

-i mean kissing in a 'i love you' kind of way

[ScottGem]

You don't understand what we're saying because of your age.
-and that is where everyone here is getting it wrong, none of you know me, none of you know what i'm like, i may not be an adult but i do realize the potential consiquences, but we will get through them together, which means i will take anything any logic or moral disagreements any of you can throw at me, because i love her and will do anything for her.

No, you are wrong here. What you don't understand is that we have dealt with dozens, some us hundreds and thousands of similar cases over the years. We have experience in dealing with the little people tell us (and you have told us a lot) and making judgments based on our experience. You may think you are an unusual case, but you are not as unusual as you think. If you truly realized the "potential consequences" you would leave her alone. Because if she is suicidal like you claim the potential consequences are deadly. If you really love her, you would leave her alone until she's old enough and mature enough to deal with a romantic entanglement.

What were you doing when you were 11? Be honest with yourself
-you want to know what i was doing at eleven, like her i didn't want to live, i don't want her to go through that until she's 16 like me. i can help her get through it, and to be honest, she helps me get through it just by listening to me, let alone talking to me

You have to be kidding! You really think you have the skill to deal with a suicidal child?? You really haven't a clue. Even if have gone through it yourself, it doesn't qualify you to help and support someone else. Especially a child.

why can't you answer my other questions about how you met or how long you know her or what you will do when she returns to the UK?

-because they are her business, not yours. if you asked a question about me personally, like my depression, or something that doesn't involve her then i would answer it, because i have the right to answer questions about me. i don't however have the right to answer questions that go that far into her personal life

I will agree that her condition is her business. But not how you met. And especially not how long you have known her or what you will do when she returns to the UK. Those are questions about YOU. And they are material to us providing advice for you. Your refusal to answer those questions are very suspicious.

-and that's where you're wrong, i can afford to pat for the things she needs to handle her condition. i have a very well paid job considering my age. so i do have the resources to help her. and helping her, that is what makes me happy

You think money will do that? Again you haven't a clue. If her condition is psychological the costs of therapy will be very expensive. If its medical medicine will strain your finances. As a 16 yr old, what can you be making, a few hundred a week (USD)? Not anywhere near enough.

This is what I meant by your being wrong about us knowing you. You keep dropping clues that we can use with our experience to know you better and better. What I see is a troubled kid who found a child in a vulnerable condition that looks up to him and strokes his ego. That stroking makes you think you are in love. And this vulnerable child is latching onto you because you fulfill needs that she thinks she has.

This is a recipe for disaster because we have two inexperienced children playing at an adult relationship. So I will say again, if you do care for her you will end this before you truly hurt her.

Oh and yet again, learn how to use the quote feature.

[husky004]

I will agree that her condition is her business. But not how you met. And especially not how long you have known her or what you will do when she returns to the UK. Those are questions about YOU. And they are material to us providing advice for you. Your refusal to answer those questions are very suspicious.
-if it has something to do with her then it's her business as much as it is mine.

You think money will do that? Again you haven't a clue. If her condition is psychological the costs of therapy will be very expensive. If its medical medicine will strain your finances. As a 16 yr old, what can you be making, a few hundred a week (USD)? Not anywhere near enough.
-i earn 800 a week, and that's if I only work during the weekdays, if I exteneded it to weekedns I could make over 1000 a week

[Fr_Chuck]

sorry husky you are a brat who is self centered and only thinking with your hormones. I feel sorry that you parents have not been there to keep you on a proper leash and set up good moral values, Not to even mention respect for yourself and others.

This is a child, and no an 11 year old is not out kissing a 16 year old. That is not only wrong but honestly sick,

And if you can not see that it is wrong, to be blunt, you have something wrong with your up bringing.

The last thing this child needs is confusion of emotions, being rushed to start having more adult feelings.

The child is confusing the need of love of a parent and security for what you are offering.

[ScottGem]

i will agree that her condition is her business. But not how you met. And especially not how long you have known her or what you will do when she returns to the UK. Those are questions about YOU. And they are material to us providing advice for you. Your refusal to answer those questions are very suspicious.
-if it has something to do with her then it's her buisness as much as it is mine.

You think money will do that? Again you haven't a clue. If her condition is psychological the costs of therapy will be very expensive. If its medical medicine will strain your finances. As a 16 yr old, what can you be making, a few hundred a week (USD)? Not anywhere near enough.
-i earn 800 a week, and that's if i only work during the weekdays, if i exteneded it to weekedns i could make over 1000 a week

Think about all the personal info you have already told us! Sorry, this just doesn't ring true. The only conclusion I can come to is that you have not known her for very long and that you have no clue what you will do when she returns to the UK. And that you realize that if you answer honestly, it will make you look worse than you already do. And if you lie, we will be able to tell, again making matters worse.

As for what you earn, its still not going to be enough, proper medical care is very expensive.

Chuck is right, you are thinking about yourself, not this child.

[husky004]

For those of you who wanted to know about her condition, we couldn't find the name for it but in basic she has a weak heart valve, if she gets sick (which she easily does) it will hurt intensely. We met two months ago at a wedding between our family's. And from memory those are the three questions I was asked, and have now answered

Mhm, that right, an suspicious questions have been answered. Now you don't know what to say

[Alty]

for those of you who wanted to know about her condition, we couldn't find the name for it but in basic she has a weak heart valve, if she gets sick (which she easily does) it will hurt intensely. we met two months ago at a wedding between our family's. and from memory those are the three questions i was asked, and have now answered

mhm, that right, an suspicious questions have been answered. now you don't know what to say

This isn't making you look better.

Maybe I should explain what a predator is. A predator finds someone weak, someone young, someone they can mold, someone that gives them joy even if it's not in their best interest.

You've said over and over again that you want to be in this relationship because she makes you happy. I don't think you care as much about her mental and physical health as you do about yours. She's a toy that makes you smile. You don't want to stop playing with the toy because then you'll have to deal with your issues instead of focusing on hers.

You're not in love. You're dependent on her for your happiness. You're making her dependent on you because she's weak, emotionally unstable, and too young to know that she's put herself in harms way by dating you.

I'm done with all of this. I hope that her mother wises up, sees what's happening and puts a stop to it. Hopefully it won't be too late to repair the damage you're doing, and hopefully it won't be too late to repair the future damage you may do. For your sake you better hope that she decides to just warn you to stay away, and doesn't actually go after you legally. Maybe being held accountable for your actions legally is the only thing that will get through. Hard lesson to learn, and one that will stick with your all your life.

You're obviously not going to listen. You think that you're the smartest 16 year old in the world, and that you know everything. Apparently this 11 year old child is the only mature 11 year old on the planet as well. Amazing that you two met when there are no other 16 year olds or 11 year olds in the world as wise as the two of you. You know it all right?

Well, since you have it all figured out, go ahead, do what you're going to do, because we can't stop you. We gave you advice, we told you the law, we told you why you shouldn't date her, but you won't listen.

I can only pray that this child goes back to the UK soon so that you'll at least not be able to get to her physically. The emotional damage you'll do, well, let's hope she's strong enough to survive it. If not, let's hope you're strong enough to live with the guilt of only thinking of yourself, and not her.

Good luck.

[ScottGem]

for those of you who wanted to know about her condition, we couldn't find the name for it but in basic she has a weak heart valve, if she gets sick (which she easily does) it will hurt intensely. we met two months ago at a wedding between our family's. and from memory those are the three questions i was asked, and have now answered

mhm, that right, an suspicious questions have been answered. now you don't know what to say

Excuse me but I don't monitor this site every minute. I've just read your response and now I will say my piece. You just helped me prove, yet again, how immature you are. You let me shame and goad you into answering my questions. Not only that but you answered the one question I agreed you didn't have to. And you didn't answer one of the key questions; What are you going to do when she goes back to the UK.

Now I will deal with the info you did provide. I won't respond to her medical condition because I don't know enough about it to judge. But you have known her only two months. That is hardly enough time for anyone to know they are truly in love, especially children like you. You met her in a romantic setting and that probably influenced you a bit. But it is totally clear that you are rushing into something you shouldn't even be considering. Let her go back to the UK. Keep in touch with her as a friend. When she is 16 or, better yet, older and you want to pursue a romantic relationship, then and only then should you consider such a relationship.