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AKeagle · Jun 19, 2009, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

But you said she did stick by you through your illness and depression and your anger problems. You are hurt and forgetting that. I think she left because she just was not feeling you anymore and that was her right to do. You don't have to stay with someone you are no longer happy with.
You are assuming the worse about her and I think you are doing it because it makes you angry and helps you deal with the pain. I think this young lady has moved on, whether it is with another guy or not, she has moved on and you should too.

Send the note you said you will send and get out and do something for yourself. Try something different. Put her behind you.
I know it is hard now, but it will get better.

That's what I don't understand, I can't count the times my feelig changed towards her or the "the spark is gone" or the times I just wanted to end it or the times another girl came into the picture or back. Each time my thing was to work through everything, nothing in life is that hard that you should throw up your hands and give up.

Is she a weaker person than me because of that?

talaniman · Jun 19, 2009, 10:37 AM

No she isn't weaker, she just doesn't see things as you do. Accept her feelings are different, and let go.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 19, 2009, 10:41 AM

No she is not a weaker person, she is different. When someone does not feel the same as you, it does not mean they are weak or less committed. She does not have to love you just because you love her. She does not have to hang on to something she may not be feeling just because you are, you don't have to either. Walking away from something is not always a sign of weakness.

You chose to stay and work things out for you, did you choose to work things out because for you it was easier? Does that make you weak?
No! You are a person who does not give up. That is a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing because you may not see that it is foolish to try to hang on to something that is not good or someone who does not feel as you do. It's like not having sense enough to come out of the rain because you refuse to give up.
It can also be bad because you can be in the frame of mind that you are always right and there is something wrong with everyone else.

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 07:18 AM

Day 11,

I keep flipping back and forth from love hate feelings about what has happened. Been staying busy, which has helped a lot. Anyway, I have gathered all the stuff the she has left and her mail, and plan on sending it out this afternoon.

"Dear _______

I have boxed up the last of your things, and the mail that has come up until now. please don't forget change your address, i have enclosed a change of address packet from the post office. please close the account as soon as possible, if you are unable to do that, I will take care of it on july 6th. hope all is well, take care.

signature

My name"

Any suggestion on what should be added or changed?

kctiger · Jun 22, 2009, 07:23 AM

Dear ___,

Here is your sh**.

Later!

Your Name

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

Day 11,

I keep flipping back and forth from love hate feelings about what has happened. been staying busy, which has helped alot. anyways, i have gathered all the stuff the she has left and her mail, and plan on sending it out this afternoon.

"Dear _______

I have boxed up the last of your things, and the mail that has come up until now. please don't forget change your address, i have enclosed a change of address packet from the post office. please close the account as soon as possible, if you are unable to do that, I will take care of it on july 6th. hope all is well, take care.

signature

My name"

any suggestion on what should be added or changed?

The flipping back and forth is normal. You will get through this. Stay strong!
The letter is fine. No need to say or do anything else

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 07:32 AM

Think there is a difference if I hand write it or print it? Probably wouldn't really matter.

As for the flipping back and forth it only happens when I'm by myself and not doing something constructive. When I'm at work is the best time, but I don't want to turn into someone who only works, and never lives.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:35 AM

Whether your print it or write it does not matter.
It is easier when you work because your mind is occupied. It will get easier when you're not working. It takes time.
You're going to be all right.

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Whether your print it or write it does not matter.
It is easier when you work because your mind is occupied. It will get easier when you're not working. It takes time.
You're going to be alright.

Is it wrong to be cocky in the thought that she'll end up coming back. I feel very confident about myself. I doubt she will, and even if she did, I don't know how I would handle it. Or if she tries to contact me in another way

I need to stop going through the WHAT IF's

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:43 AM

Yes you do, and you will go back and forth with that and that's OK. It's normal.
Stay away from her, don't talk to her, it will be easier for you. This is all about you now, do what is easier for you.

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Yes you do, and you will go back and forth with that and that's OK. It's normal.
Stay away from her, don't talk to her, it will be easier for you. This is all about you now, do what is easier for you.

I have been staying away from her, though it is kind of hard, cause we had a lot of the same friends, I have cut contact to them for the time being, but when I going back home, I'm close to where her family is, which has been the only place she I going. And if I ever to visit my friends, I'm really close, and fear that she might find me, but I refuse to break contact or not see my friends, which I have been around for 8 or so years, they have always been there for me. I just don't want to bump into her on accident, I want her to come to me.

What should I do if she tries to contact me? I don't really want to go through the how have you been conversation

Romefalls19 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:52 AM

You avoid the phone call! I told you the same thing a few pages back. She knows where you live, therefore anything she really HAS to say, she can walk her arse over to your place and say it face to face like a mature adult

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:53 AM

You tell her you cannot talk to her right now and to respect that and leave you alone.
In fact you can put that in your note.
Please do not contact me.

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You tell her you cannot talk to her right now and to respect that and leave you alone.
In fact you can put that in your note.
Please do not contact me.

Wouldn't that just push her away completely?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 08:02 AM

No, it will let her know you don't want her to contact you right now.
You are still under the assumption that she will come back and you don't want to push her away. Leave that assumption alone and just deal with YOU in the now.

You tell her you are retuning her things and asking that she not contact you right now. She will know what you are saying.

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 08:05 AM

She might take it as never contact me, which even if she did want to come back she wouldn't cause of what I said

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 08:11 AM

She is not stupid!
You tell her don't contact me right now because you can't deal with it. She will know what you mean.
You're not telling her to not ever contact you. You are just saying NOW.
Like I said she will know what you mean. She does not appear to be stupid and you are not telling her this in anger. Which is why I told you to not be rude.

AKeagle · Jun 22, 2009, 08:16 AM

No she isn't stupid, but wow is she stubborn about stuff. Its whatever though, I really only want to talk to her if she is ready to come back and work at stuff, which is mostly not going to happen, unless she has no where else to go

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 08:29 AM

I know that is how you feel but you don't want her calling you just because she has no where else to go either.
If she is stubborn enough to contact you after you have asked her not to, that is not a good sign on her point.
Stick with the no contact, especially while your feelings are waffling back and forth.
You tell her ou can't deal with contact right now and ask her to respect that. If she is a decent person, she will.

And when you are feeling more sure of yourself, you can send her a How are you? Card.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2009, 08:30 AM

That will open the door again, if you still want it open. You may find you don't.