Check out some similar questions!

husky04 · Feb 2, 2009, 08:16 PM

Wow I just suck don't I? Ya know, I took all your advice and was doing good. And then I messed up and tricked myself into thinking I was over it when I really wasn't. We began to be friends and all was well and no feelings were coming back. Then one night we hooked up once again, in her car, 2 days after she hooked up with another guy, in her car. WHY DO I DO THIS? After that, I heard a lot of stuff and she told me about the stuff she did with other guys already thinking I didn't care since I was over it. I also heard her just acting like a complete immature whore. And of course I got jealous and tried to get her back once again. She got mad at me for being at another girl`s house saying that I was leading her on and karma is going to catch up with me. The next night which was last night was where I really messed up.

I feel like a have a problem here. I really do have a problem. I feel like this girl is so amazing when she's not! I see the pattern, but just can't help myself. Last night, I gave the whole "oh i need you back were meant for each other" type deal. She said she wants someone else and that's it. Why do I do this? Every time I do it I regret it, but I can't help myself! I want to be with someone else, but every time I see her flirting and touching other guys I can't take it. Of course I'm going to try to do nc again. But I don't even trust myself anymore with it. I do good and then something happens where I mess up the healing process again.

Is there anything I can do to stop screwing myself over time after time! NC works, but I Don't trust myself anymore :/

jmw0713 · Feb 2, 2009, 08:56 PM

1. Stop hooking up with her.
2. Do not talk to her.
3. Separate yourself from her as much as possible from
4. Surround yourself and occupy your time with YOUR friends

The only reason you can't move on and trust yourself is because you keep letting her back in your life and allowing her to take control. She knows this and is now sending you mixed signals. She acts like she wants you, then when your hooked on the line again, she tells you she wants to see other people.

Time to hop off this roller coaster, or else you're going to get sick.

husky04 · Feb 2, 2009, 09:03 PM

Exactly, I just don't see the point of trying to get back with someone who clearly said they don't want to be with you, but I guess I don't get it.

It makes no sense, but then again nothing she does makes sense. I see how she's playing the game. She reels me in and when she's got me she casts me out again.

Quick Question: Ive said this before and don't think of gotten an answer, we all have basically the same mutual friends and when I'm around all of them, do I just ignore her and be myself with everyone else? I don't want to just be non-existent when she's around just because she's there.

jmw0713 · Feb 2, 2009, 09:09 PM

Try and hang out with them when she is not there. I still hang out with the friends my ex and I share. I told them the situation and how I am able to deal with it. When they invite me out, I ask if she is going. If she is going, I call MY friends up and hang out with them. If she is not around, I go and chill with them.

Do you have your OWN friends that don't hang with the ex?

husky04 · Feb 2, 2009, 09:13 PM

Yeah, I do but my friends usually like to hang out with her group of friends, not necessarily her but she is usually there and I usually tag along. But its like, her group of girl friends and my guy friends, and her just trying to make me jealous the whole time. They are all close and hang out a lot. Its really a bad situation for me, her friends like me and they are totally fine with it, but sometimes she doesn't like it.

jmw0713 · Feb 2, 2009, 09:31 PM

Well... the only way you will be able to move forward with the healing process is to not see her. That may mean you will have to make some hard choices here. It's time to separate your group of friends from her group. I assume that they were your friends before you met her, correct?

Time to start doing guys night and all of that fun stuff, without these females. You and your friends need to start surrounding yourself with a new group of girls. If these guys are really your friends, they will stick with you over her and her friends.

Sometimes when you get dropped by the ex, you have to drop her friends too. Just a sad reality of your situation, it seems.

talaniman · Feb 3, 2009, 07:10 AM

JMW is correct as its time to broaden your horizons, and cut her, and her friends, from your routine.

murker1 · Feb 3, 2009, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

It's like getting a song stuck in your head, the more you try to NOT think of the song, the more it plays....

This is the same thing. You'll take some time to get her tune out of your head. Take it easy, don't beat yourself up for thinking of her, but also don't put any feet to any of those thoughts. Let them come, then let them go.

Totally agreeing with the quote,
What I do to get a song out of my head is to look for another one,
One that I am interested in,
Maybe you need to look around for another girl,
To push her out of your mind so you can experience all new great memories,
Hope it goes well for you bud.

husky04 · Feb 16, 2009, 08:35 PM

OK, today was my 12th day of nc, which marks the longest I have ever gone. The day was going well, and I have been able to go a whole 3 or 4 hours without her coming across my mind. Anyway, I check my phone after basketball, and I had this new text from of course, my ex. It said " hey the way i treated you was not right and im sorry. i dont regret anything and im glad everything that happened between us was with you. just wanted to apologize."
I answered back, being polite and short saying I appreciate your apology. She answered back saying yupp. And that's it. I think I handled it well. Did not set me back at all. Tal once said on this thread being brief is not breaking nc, I didn't break it did I? Tomorrow is day 13 I hope.

talaniman · Feb 16, 2009, 09:32 PM

You didn't have to answer, but you did, put it behind you now. Feel better?

jmw0713 · Feb 17, 2009, 07:49 AM

That was her attempt to alleviate some of her guilt over breaking up with you, as well as possibly seeing if you will still talk to her.

My advice is, keep NC... you don't need her to be happy or make you feel better. Take this as closure and move on.

You're doing well!

husky04 · Mar 15, 2009, 05:43 PM

I am updating on this situation for hopefully the last time. Today was my initial goal for NC, and I passed easily. I think it has been 28 days and I'm not going to quit now. It was the spring dance last night, and that's why I wanted my goal to be today so I didn't have to be sad if I saw pictures of her and her new boyfriend. I have to say, everything is great. I came across them making out last night at the dance, and I didn't care at all, I was just having a great time with all my buddies.

I have been having a GREAT time with other girls, and its great. The ex brought over the rest of my stuff last Sunday, and it had a note, an old rose I gave her and the ring I bought her for the 1 year anniversary. The note was just saying she is sorry for being so mean to me, she is hoping to be friends again (No thank you), and to be careful with what I do. I just crumpled it up and threw it away, and washed the clothes she gave back. This past week at school now she's been saying hi and trying to be all friendly, I am polite but really don't want to talk to her. Her friend keeps telling me she still talks about me, and her friend really doesn't know why. Anyway, I just want to keep this nc up, and am looking to find a girl to be with or just be able to spend time with. You all were great even after I messed up so many times. Ha ha. Im doing great and couldn't thank you all enough.

expat2009 · Mar 15, 2009, 05:58 PM

That is great to hear. You might not be out of the woods yet, but the fact that you took all those emotions bravely speak a lot of the position you are in now. From now on, it will be a matter of trying to manage those feelings so that they don't come back and bring you back to square one. Let time do it's thing. Go on with your usual activities, hang with your buddies, and sooner or later she will be in the past and new girls will start pouring in. Don't rush it, just enjoy as much as possible. Good luck man.