[COOKIE MONSTER]

Your relationship is in the past and that's were your ex should stay in the past

[talaniman]

Is this something I should do? I don't like hurting people or blowing people off cause they do it to me all the time.

Does that have to mean you can't tell her the truth, and then back it up with action? You do realise she is asking you to maybe cheat on her new b/f. Everything about this is just not healthy and NO CONTACT, keeps you out of trouble and chaos, and confusion. That's not just blowing someone off. If you think it is, just be honest, and tell her to leave you alone, without sugarcoating it, and being nice.

[friend4u178]

If she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't have a current Boyfriend , and if she's willing to emotionally cheat on him at the moment with you that says something about her character or lack there of.

[Fixer12]

I agree with everyone. I just think it is so stupid just because she has seen me that she feels she needs to come and throw all her stuff on me.

She has a new boyfriend. Why is she wnating to come back to me? She claims "oh i can't let go and never will!" well if you can't let go, why are you already with someone new?

[friend4u178]

i agree with everyone. I just think it is so stupid just because she has seen me that she feels she needs to come and throw all her stuff on me.?

Well don't let her. Her stuff , her problem.

She has a new boyfriend. why is she wnating to come back to me? She claims "oh i can't let go and never will!" well if you can't let go, why are you already with someone new?

Correct.
You've moved on to a better place and probably after a lot of suffering. Don't go back to square one.

[KD33]

If she is going to use you because of your newer lifestyle then I'd say forget her.

[talaniman]

She has a new boyfriend. Why is she wnating to come back to me? She claims "oh i can't let go and never will!" well if you can't let go, why are you already with someone new?

Often we see things in our exes that make us go hmmm! You have asked a very good question. She is full of crap, and doesn't really know what she wants. Translation, one confused person, who doesn't get it, yet.

[Fixer12]

So I found this girl that I really like, and she really likes me back. The only problem is she has a boyfriend. She has been telling me that soon she is going to decide what she wants. She claims that she would rather be with me by almost 90%, but is really confused because I am transferring schools.

She believes that she can deal with the distance, but she is waiting to know if I am going to get accepted to that school or not before she dumps her current boyfriend. They have only been dating a few weeks.

She tells me she really cares about me, but every time I stand up for myself and say I am tired of waiting, she just tells me, "ok don't want we won't be together." or something like that.

If we do end up getting together I am planning on changing my summer plans so I can spend more time around her, rather then back at home with my parents. THe only problem is summer is a month away, and time is very crucial. I tried telling her this, the only response I get back is "i know."

How do I live my life, but still wait around for her? I am trying to continue and act interested, but I find the more I talk/text her the more I get my hopes on this working out. Something she will text me first or I will text her. How do I manage all this by keeping my distance in case she stays with her boyfriend? How do I act like this while still tryint to show some interest?

[simoneaugie]

Tell her that you will be available when she is.

[Fixer12]

Honestly I never thought I'd be on here again talking about my ex anymore. Hopefully this is the last time.

My ex and I had broken up many times over the last 2 years. She had always left me, saying she couldn't deal with a long distance relationship, or there was someone else in her life. She is still in high school, I am in college.

So over the last 2 weeks she started texting me again saying that she wanted to work things out, I didn't really care too much in the beginning because she still had a boyfriend whom she just started being with, plus she always did this so I thought I'd just wait it out. She then claimed that she was going to come down and see me on my birthday. (which is about a 300 mile drive). I had told her that the only way I'd ever get back together with her was if she showed up at my door step (thinking she never actually would). So I was kind of getting excited about it, so I decided to keep talking to her and if she actually showed up, to try and work things out with her.

The problem was she still had her boyfriend the entire time. So everyday she wouldn't be able to talk when she was around him, or when she was still at school. She would blow me off everyday no matter what it was I needed, or asked of her. She would still read my texts, but just not reply cause of certain people being around. I felt like I was always being blown off. Then when she would reply to me they would always be simple one worded texts like, "yes, no, IDK, Yea, sorry." It got extremely annoying. I tried telling her about this several nights in a row. She always said she was sorry and that she would be able to talk more later.

Once I would bring up my feelings and ask her how she felt, she would just say, "busy, i will later." even though I woud offer to let her go since she was so busy, but she always said no.

Last night I got tired or putting up with this, cause not only did I feel she was cheating behind her boyfriends back with me, she would never make up her mind on who she actually wanted to be with. I waited around and got blown off constantly for about a week and a half. She would only text me around her schedule. When she did have time she would claim that she loved me and wanted to be with me. But when I asked her who she wanted to be with more, or if she was going to leave her current boyfriend she just said IDK.

I have been forgiving this girl for a year now. I have never done anything wrong to ever hurt her, or wrong the relationship, it was always her. Yes, I did make things hard at some point, but I never did anything bad. Last night I told her that it wasn't going to work, because I got so tired of being blown off and treated badly. (for the last hour she wouldn't even tell me what her and her friends were doing, always saying "IDK, something." I told her that I would always love her and that I was sorry. She never replied.

Now I am neverous... what if she still does show up for my birthday? Every time I tried to tell this girl how I felt she just stormed off and wouldn't text back. I do love all the memories we shared together, but some reason I feel like I was a bad person for not believing in her when she was about to do something so huge for me.

[Distantlove]

You should just move on and forget about this girl. I know its hard, but if she really loved you and 'wanted to be with you' then why isn't she with you? Instead she's with another guy, and on top of this she's going behind this guys back telling you she loves you and wants to be with you instead.. what does that say about her? You did the right thing by telling her its not going to work, but I don't know what you had to be sorry about? Telling her you'll always love her may cause her to think you'll always be there for her anyway and is not entirely losing you - therefore, she won't know what she's losing. You said she always left you over the last two years, wouldn't you rather be upset and move on and with time you'll heal, than be upset over and over again every time she ends it causing you to go back to square 1 each time? You want a girl who is keen and appreciates being with you, loyal and secure - this girl doesn't seem like any of those.

[Marriedguy]

You clearly love this woman. No I don't think you made the right decision.

This is one of the reasons I don't advise someone start a long distance relationship. Yes, some long distance relationships have happy endings but the majority of them do not.

Long distance relationship is temporary phase of a relationship the goal is to eventually close that distance. You are in college she is still in high school living with her parents. I don't think she is mature enough to handle a long distance relationship. This is why she started another relationship with someone else, she may not love this person but it's someone to spend time with.

Now, she is coming over for your birthday for what?

Your in college there are some many smart, attractive women available to date. Tell your ex-girlfriend not to come, break up on good terms. Get your mind right and then date the woman in your area.

If your ex-girlfriend decides that she is ready to come attend a college in your area. If you two happened to meet you it will be up to you to revive this dead relationship.

You guys are to young for all this drama.

[Distantlove]

You should just move on and forget about this girl. I know its hard, but if she really loved you and 'wanted to be with you' then why isn't she with you? Instead she's with another guy, and on top of this she's going behind this guys back telling you she loves you and wants to be with you instead.. what does that say about her? You did the right thing by telling her its not going to work, but I don't know what you had to be sorry about? Telling her you'll always love her may cause her to think you'll always be there for her anyway and is not entirely losing you - therefore, she won't know what she's losing. You said she always left you over the last two years, wouldn't you rather be upset and move on and with time you'll heal, than be upset over and over again every time she ends it causing you to go back to square 1 each time? You want a girl who is keen and appreciates being with you, loyal and secure - this girl doesn't seem like any of those.

[asking]

I think you should try -- hard -- to put her out of your mind. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you. You shouldn't be trying to figure out what she's doing every second. She probably believed that she would show up at your door--in a romantic flight of fantasy--but I suspect she's not going to show up. If she does, decide then what you want to do. But you need to stop trying to second guess her intentions. You are clearly not getting what you want or need and she seems like she's just stringing you along from what you say. Maybe her current boyfriend makes her feel unimportant so she's looking to you to make her feel better. Who knows? You are young. College is a great place to look for a partner. Look for someone who is more able to commit. And you should likewise commit yourself to one person at a time, or you'll end up back in a situation like this one...

Asking

[N0help4u]

She sounds like she is stringing you along just to comfort her as a back up rebound plan B IF they ever did break up. Get on with your life. If she comes for your birthday it will only give you false hopes.
If she can't get time in to say more than yes, no, IDK
Then IDK how she figures she is going to be able to get away long enough to come to your birthday.

[talaniman]

Sooner or latter, you'll get mighty sick of her BS.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2674568'

This has been going on a long time.

[Fixer12]

This girl and I have been in each others lives for the last 2 years. We were dating for a good solid year of it. A year ago (sunday actually) we had broken up. This was a long distance relationship, and we got used to dealing with each other over the phone and seeing one another at least every month.
Well since then we have been together and broken up many times. Recently she came down to see my for my birthday, which we managed hooking up and she cheated on her boyfriend. She claimed she told him, and that he was OK with it, cause he knew she still loved him. She has been claiming during this entire time that she was going to leave him, and that we would get back together. I have been waiting for about a month now.

The long distance between us both is never going to seem to change. At least not for another year. We have been trying to plan out getting back together, but this summer I will not see her at all.

Last night she claimed she was going over to a friends house. Which was already pretty late for even her to be going somewhere. I told her it was cool, just let me know what she was doing. Then right as she managed to pick up her friend, she stopped reply to my texts. About an hour later I get a reply saying, "im sorry my phone wasn't working." I was already pretty upset at this point, because this isn't the first time her phone has done this when she was with her friends, plus earlier today she was already acting weird. I asked her to do me a favor and take a picture of her with her friend to help me calm down. She said she was already home, when no less then 4 minutes before she had sent me a text saying she was still at her house. Does anything there seem fishy to anyone else?

The fact that she went out and cheated on her current boyfriend, and basically with me... doesn't say anything for her, but I am so stunned that she actually did. I thought she really was going to change after she drove 400 miles to come see me on my birthday.

I am so tired of jumping through hoops for this girl trying to show her that I want to be with her. I worry about her a lot, even though we aren't dating. Unfortunitly I have no trust for her what so ever. I try too. There are some days where she seems so interested in me, but even today she just doesn't. Honestly I thought things were going to change with her. Do people ever change? She is a girl who is known for sleeping around easily. I am just scared of letting her go after 2 years in each others lives. She has been the most important person, how do I let that go? What should I end up telling her? Every time I mention something on how I feel or stand up for myself, she just screams or says I need to get off the phone, bye. She is the type of person who runs away from her problems and doesn't talk them out. What do I do to get my life back after this entire year of suffering? I'm 20, and I'm scared I won't meet anyone else.

[Toluca_86]

This is a bit of a short answer, maybe someone else will go more in depth with you. But these are my first reactions:

First: "The fact that she went out and cheated on her current boyfriend, and basically with me... doesn't say anything for her, but i am so stunned that she actually did. i thought she really was going to change after she drove 400 miles to come see me on my birthday."

If she cheated on her boyfriend with you, you are about as guilty as she is. If you didn't think it was something she should have done, you shouldn't have conspired in her cheating. But no, you slept with her because you could get what you wanted that way. Don't beat around the bush.

Second of all, seems like maybe you two just aren't that compatible. You can't fix another person, only provide support and hope they want to help themselves. Doing a lot of stuff for another person just because you want to be with them usually isn't a good idea. If you do stuff for another person, it should be because you care about them and want them to be happier and healthier, whether you ever get to be with them. If you can't separate those things, maybe just tell her you need some distance for awhile...

In the meantime, make an effort to meet other people. It may not be easy, but it's certainly possible

[Fixer12]

Yea, your right. I do feel pretty guilty about it all.

I did try and do things to make myself happier. I wanted to be happy with her. The only problem is I feel that the only was I going to be happy about life... was if I was with her, and I know that is wrong. One thing I do realize now... I am ready to feel better. After running around forgiving her for everything she has every done to me, I am tired of it. I never got stand up for myself. I want to now, but the risk seems so great.

[Fixer12]

So I ended up telling her I needed my space. I just don't understand why she got into the funk of treating me so badly. I didn't do anything to her.