Ask Me Help Desk - Moving/Problems with ex

Moving On.

All right, so about almost 2 months ago my exgirlfriend and I had broken up. We had been off and on (mostly on) for about a year and half. I had to leave for college, but she still had to stay back in our home town. We had done this the past school year with me leaving, and even though it was hard we stuck it out. We were pretty close we spent all of our time together.. (which I actually didn't like at all). When I left I rememeber her telling me "i will always love you." But to know that the next day after I left she claimed she didn't have enough time for me in her life, and for a guy in general. I had been through a break up with her like this before, it usually would last a week and we would get back together. This time 2 weeks went by, she had told me she didn't like anyone else and still missed me.
I had found out after 2 weeks of us being apart she not only slept with another guy, she has a boyfriend (2 different guys). This killed me. We were each others first, and she always said we did it out of love. I believed her. I don't know why it kills me so much to see her with someone else. It blows my mind how fast she is able to move on and I haven't been. Weh we would text each other she would tell me how much she still loves me. But she has all these guys she talks to and likes. Probably overall since we broke up 2 months ago she has slept with about 2-3 guys, and hooked up with at least 5. I don't get it when we were together she was so loyal to me. (as far as I know). She would go out of her way to do things for me, and I would too. I never saw her as a person that would change into what she is now.
When we first started dating she had issues with settling down with one guy, but we had a real connection. She now tells anyone she is with for less then a week she loves them. What was I to her then? I can't move on that fast. Yea I am doing a lot better then I was the first month all of this had happened. But even now I am scared about going to my hometown and possibly seeing her.
Everyone would say "wow she is so much happier now." Even one of my close friends decided he liked her a lot more, and wanted to be her friend over mine. One of my other friends said he is cool with her and would hang out with her. I don't want them hooking up. They are my friends, and when we were together, they hated her! Now they are all chill with her. I feel like she took everything I had in that town away from me.
I want to move on and find someone who will treat me better then she did, but I had fallen in love with her family. She doesn't have any friends to get close to, she just wants to get clsoe to any guy that is remotely interested in her, (which doesn't take much cause she has a lot guys look for). I just think its messed up how this is effects me. I want to feel better. I really do Some days ill feel great. I just need help. Advice on how I should see all of this. Thank you.

She sounds very needy, the fact she 'needs' to have someone in her life says it all really. Very sad :(

Leave her in the past and don't bother with contacting her as it will serve to further confuse you. NC is the best tool for healing, that is no contact. Delete her numbers, emails, Facebook, myspace, msn.

Sometimes we never get our 'closure' and the only way to move forward is concentrating on you and your life and with time you will get to a happy place once more. Try and change your life around. Learn from this relationship and take your lessons into the next. Go travelling, do something you've allways wanted to do, go to the gym and reconnect with old friends.

Anyway good luck.

don't cheat on communication....that's the key.

Break up like she went to prison... no calls, no texts and keep your eyes open.
Someone will find you or you will find them.

Then check the survival guide below.

Good luck...

You are not alone.

Thank you all for your help. The only problem is I'm a very jealous guy.. it kills me to think or even hear about her with another guy. I know I treated her my best. But still... once I was her only now I'm not.

It's a tough one to get over Ill give you that. The thing is, you need to stop finding out about what she is doing(easier said than done I know). If you keep thinking about her with other guys it will eat you alive. I don't know how to stop the thoughts from occurring though aside from staying really busy.

Im 2 months into the breakup, and 35+ days of no contact, which feels so good now.

Think of this as a chance to change everything in your life. You are in a new town (for school) and you will make some incredible friends and meet some great girls. You will probably see this as a blessing later on, after you meet a ton of girls in college. As for your friends back home, if they were truly your friends they would stick by you.

You mist strive to know NOTHING....

At some point - BOOM - you don't care anymore. That day comes after many months of your brain not seeking any endorphins from an old source. REPLACE and your brain will help you... gym, other girls, movies, trips, friends... and no cheating... that's how the magic change happens: INDIFFERENCE.

Yea, I know that day will come. I guess I feel that since she already has someone else, that I should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

Ive come to the realization that you can't focus on the why or the how of what they did. It just spirals out of control until you are a mess. As hard as it is, you just have to focus in on the fact that it happened, that its not coming back and the future is all that matters now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fixer12

Yea, i know that day will come. I guess i feel that since she already has someone else, that i should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

dude, when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people they may or may not have... she's going through a 'Ho period... George Clooney couldn't get her to behave. Be glad you were first in line... just don't be LAST IN LINE - ewww... move on, stud. You were there FIRST!

Ash has spoken. Go forth and prosper.

That is an awesome way to see it! I never really thought about that before.

Fixer12,

Some good advice above. But no good unless you decide to take it and use it. Good luck.

Well thank you so much everyone. I haven't talked to her in almost a week. It feels good. I am able to actually continue for small amounts of time without my mind wandering around. The encourgment is great. Even though I know there are more people going through this, I still feel like I'm the only one at times. Thank you. The advice has been great!

Your be fine. You won't be if you brake NC. Keep busy and don't mope about

Glad to help.

Exgirlfriend/Friend Issue

All right, I had been doing a really good job up until recently. One of my pretty good friends had gone to my hometown (where my ex is) and saw her this weekend. I guess they started talking again. (Before they somewhat hated each other.) So they had broken the silence.
When my ex and I broke up the first time before the summer, they had texted each other a lot about hooking up. (when I thought they hated each other). They had sent pictures to each other of themselves, and stuff like that. I had told my friend recently that I was really uncomfortable about them talking, because it would still hurt me a lot if something did happen. He had told me "dude i have no intentions of hooking up with her. But she is pretty chill and i'd liek to hang out with her."
So now I find out that they are talking online and stuff about hanging out next time he comes into town. Well I really don't know what this is about... I honestly don't know how to take it. If it was any other guy, sure I couldn't care less. But if they got together, I know it would be 10x harder for me. I guess I really need to think of someway to get over jealousy. Any advice would be great. Thank you so much.

I don't think it really is jealousy, but because he is souposed to be your boy and they were never friends before then why now? That seems a little funny to me. I don't know about you, but there is this little thing called code of conduct where your friends don't hook up with your Ex. Don't sound like he is a real good friend. I would try and talk to him about it. I don't know the situation with your X but I would re look at how much of a good friend he is to you.

I agree with Foxy, if they supposedly never liked each other before and now he thinks that she is "chill" something is not right. You should reeavaluate your friendship because his response is a little on the shady side

As you keep no contact, from the ex and heal your mind, you can better evaluate whether you need new friends.

Yea, I ended up talking ot him about it. When he was back in our home town she had came up to him and gave him a hug saying. "hey how are you." Then they just talked about how "he and his sister look alot alike" for 2 minutes and it was over. He told me about this earlier.
So I told him that it was still bugging me how they were talking, cause it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. He told me "I dont know why this is becoming such a big issue, because there is no intentions that i have. She doesn't have my number, i dont have hers. And im probably not going to give her mine, and i really dont want hers. I think she is doing this knowing that its going to bug you, and you are letting it."
See the thing is now I'm feeling like I am doing something wrong. I mean chances are not much is going to happen, but still.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fixer12

Yea, i know that day will come. I guess i feel that since she already has someone else, that i should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

I'm about 3 weeks into it and have been finding it difficult to get these thoughts/images out of my mind. Thoughts/images of her being with someone else or caring for someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach and lose control of my thoughts. I don't know what to do. I know that's her prerogative, but it's killing me. I thought it would get better, but it seems like its getting worse.