[kp2171]

Well you say ahes acting irrational and then try to use rational thought to understand her actions?

What good did moving out do? Knocked you off balance a bit? Gave her an edge she didn't have before? You still were "dating" no matter when you think you broke up, cause you were hanging out, having sex, holding hands.

So she did something really lousy to you, still had the benefit of your attention, and maybe felt in control a bit.

Same with the phone. None of the scenarios are pleasing in terms of this relationship lasting.

1) she could genuinely be done with you and trying to cut ties, though her calling you suggests if this is the case, she's in that need-to-know-what-hes-doing phase. Or the I-need-to-pay-a-bill phase. So looking for an out, moves out, phone changed... possible. All the noise is what comes when a relationship crashed down.

2) she could not want it all to end but she was in a weakened position when the guys number thing came up. (btw, I'm still not convinced you know all there is to know about that) she sought to get some power back so moves out, forcing you into some financial issues and potentially "needing" her help and/or forcing emotional stress on you. The phone number change could be an attempt to see how hard you are willing to work. If you'll chase her. A little mind-screw by her, gift wrapped for you. If moving out didn't do it, rachet it up a notch.

I know that you don't think some of the behavior I mentioned might be reasonable for her... well, your blowing that amount of cash wasn't "reasonable" behavior by some measures. I blew about 1000 cash, my own, after a person close to me died. It was dumb. I knew better. I was mentally, well, a little mental.

So why is she irrational at all? Well even when you are choosing to be done with a relationship, that doesn't mean she doesn't miss the security of being in one, and she sounds like she's just lashing out a bit. And turning all this on you, after the whole guys number thing happened, is classic turn-around. Deflect the blame or guilt. Suddenly its your fault.

I know you don't want things to be like this, but they are.

There's a point when you are going to have to stop trying to understand every nuance of what she does. Does it matter what she does that much? What are you looking for? Hope? Closure?

Well... I'm not saying your questioning what's going on is wrong. Its normal. But try not to drive yourself mad trying to take irrational actions and forcing them into rational thought.

[DougE]

Not your problem. She is grasping at straws trying to get you to call her. DELETE. End of story.

Well I can't call lol she changed her number. She called restricted

[kp2171]

Ok, she just left a message on my voicemail saying "Please dont think I was trying to use you this weekend...Its just been really hard us not being together, and I felt you were treating me disrespectfuly"......(in which i did when i cussed her out so bad last friday)

she is mind-f*&^ing you!

see how its YOUR behaviour that causes all of this!

you need to do whatever you need to do to get her out of your life. I know you don't want to do that, but its getting to the place where you are going to deserve what you get.

she's screwing with you. She misses the attention and she's upset that you are not backing down.

[SAB123]

My ex played a lot of head games with me, try to move on and don't read into what she does or the games she plays. It only delays the healing process down.

[DougE]

Yeah I'm not calling her back at all. Even IF she calls to give the new number on my voicemail. Thanks for the advice. And she did say on the voicemail "sorry for calling this weekend, dont think i was trying to use you, and just wanted to say that. This is my last time calling. I hoipe u do well in future endeavors"


Hmmmm

[SAB123]

My ex said this to when we first broke "I didn't use you either" bull, she used me and she also said wish you the best in life. But she continued to drive past my house and play with my head. It gave me false hope of her coming back again. Now she has boy friend and I haven't seen her drive by. But really gets me is she would drive by and keep me thinking of her just in case she could find anyone. So I guess when she starts driving by again I'll no she got dumped.

[DougE]

Thank you ALL for your Wonderful comments, and I will make sure I apply and learn from All of them

[ma85me]

Hi, First let me start off by saying that when you end a relationship, it ends because of a reason and 99% of the time there is no need on trying to work things out because that is going to make the person who has to change feel uncomfortable. So when the relationship ended it should have just ended so you wouldnt be putting your feeling on the line to get stomped on. now you are having to wonder if she is sleeping with someone else and what in the world she is doing. I wouldnt even recomend yall being friends right now either, cut her off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or only thing you will be dong is hurting yourself! Maybe in the future after you find someone else and she moves on maybe yall can be friends but right now, you need to concentrate on you first! Good luck! :)
MaMe

[DougE]

well you say ahes acting irrational and then try to use rational thought to understand her actions?

what good did moving out do? knocked you off balance a bit? gave her an edge she didnt have before? you still were "dating" no matter when you think you broke up, cause you were hanging out, having sex, holding hands.

so she did something really lousy to you, still had the benefit of your attention, and maybe felt in control a bit.

same with the phone. none of the scenarios are pleasing in terms of this relationship lasting.

1) she could genuinely be done with you and trying to cut ties, though her calling you suggests if this is the case, shes in that need-to-know-what-hes-doing phase. or the i-need-to-pay-a-bill phase. so looking for an out, moves out, phone changed... possible. all the noise is what comes when a relationship crashed down.

2) she could not want it all to end but she was in a weakened position when the guys number thing came up. (btw, im still not convinced you know all there is to know about that) she sought to get some power back so moves out, forcing you into some financial issues and potentially "needing" her help and/or forcing emotional stress on you. the phone number change could be an attempt to see how hard you are willing to work. if youll chase her. a little mind-screw by her, gift wrapped for you. if moving out didnt do it, rachet it up a notch.

i know that you dont think some of the behavior i mentioned might be reasonable for her... well, your blowing that amount of cash wasnt "reasonable" behavior by some measures. i blew about 1000 cash, my own, after a person close to me died. it was dumb. i knew better. i was mentally, well, a little mental.

so why is she irrational at all? well even when you are choosing to be done with a relationship, that doesnt mean she doesnt miss the security of being in one, and she sounds like shes just lashing out a bit. and turning all this on you, after the whole guys number thing happened, is classic turn-around. deflect the blame or guilt. suddenly its your fault.

i know you dont want things to be like this, but they are.

theres a point when you are going to have to stop trying to understand every nuance of what she does. does it matter what she does that much? what are you looking for? hope? closure?

well... im not saying your questioning whats going on is wrong. its normal. but try not to drive yourself mad trying to take irrational actions and forcing them into rational thought.

You know kp. Its starting to make sense, and I am changing my number today. I have been drinking all week and she said part of the problem was I began drinking too much recently. Well she calls from this different number WHICH IS WHY I PICKED UP. It was from her Church and she said I should go to service tomorrow night at 7 as she is singing in the choir, and she said " I still care about you and your well being as we are all bodies in Christ"



Thoughts please?

[GlindaofOz]

You know kp. Its starting to make since, and I am changing my number today. I have been drinking all week and she said part of the problem was i began drinking to much recently. Well she calls from this different number WHICH IS WHY I PICKED UP. It was from her Church and she said I should go to service tommorrow night at 7 as she is singing in the choir, and she said " I still care about you and your well being as we are all bodies in Christ"



thoughts please?

Change your number.

Also I don't know what kind of religious woman would use someone to pay their bills and have sex with whomever would do so. Keep going Doug you are getting there!

[SAB123]

Doug, Do not go tonight. If you go you are only going to delay the healing process. She is just stringing you along.

[DougE]

Change your number.

Also I don't know what kind of religious woman would use someone to pay their bills and have sex with whomever would do so. Keep going Doug you are getting there!

Well this religiion she just started over the last month

[DougE]

Doug, Do not go tonight. If you go you are only going to delay the healing process. She is just stringing you along.

Yeah I was thinking that too... Now its gaps in between days that she calls

[DougE]

Doesn't make any type of sense, and I know its not suppose to. You change your number because of me, but want me to go to a church service tonight. Maybe she is second guessing her changing the phone number, either that or she is just unstable. Anyway, who cares

[SAB123]

She probably changed her number to get a response out of you. I know this hard but analyizing thing just makes the situation worse and delays the healing process. I did this for 3-4 months. It didn't get me any where, it just made me hurt and miss her more. You have to stop this and move on without her.

[talaniman]

Sheis a nut, stay away from her.

[kp2171]

just understand changing your number is not the end of it all. My wife ended up doing this twice with an ex who acted a lot like yours... hed send a present or flowers... and then drive by randomly to see if she was home or not... and then call all hours of the night... well, he managed to find her new number after she changed it by going through a friends stuff when she wasn't looking...

so... she sure sounds like she was ready to cut ties on her side but she wanted your ties to remain. Its normal and to want your ex to be pining for you and wanting you and suffering a little for you, that is unless you're the ex.

so I think she's just continuing her trend... making you the cause and getting you off balance. Now you are a bad Christian if you don't do what she says. One more thing for her to tell her friends or to hold over you.

if you need strength from faith, seek it. But you are not restricted to where she is.

as for the drinking, just watch yourself. Been there a bit myself... times when I drank more and others when I drank not at all. In the end, when you drink cause you're uspet, you are left with the next day and the problems still there. We both know it doesn't solve anything. At the same time, after a long day a glass can take an edge off.

so anyway, just try to stay focused on yourself. The next thing shell do is likely try to get your number from someone else or try to make contact. She's still needing you to need her, even if she's cut her ties. Again, just more of the same...

[DougE]

just understand changing your number is not the end of it all. my wife ended up doing this twice with an ex who acted a lot like yours... hed send a present or flowers... and then drive by randomly to see if she was home or not... and then call all hours of the night... well, he managed to find her new number after she changed it by going through a friends stuff when she wasnt looking...

so... she sure sounds like she was ready to cut ties on her side but she wanted your ties to remain. its normal and to want your ex to be pining for you and wanting you and suffering a little for you, that is unless youre the ex.

so i think shes just continuing her trend... making you the cause and getting you off balance. now you are a bad Christian if you dont do what she says. one more thing for her to tell her friends or to hold over you.

if you need strength from faith, seek it. but you are not restricted to where she is.

as for the drinking, just watch yourself. been there a bit myself... times when i drank more and others when i drank not at all. in the end, when you drink cause youre uspet, you are left with the next day and the problems still there. we both know it doesnt solve anything. at the same time, after a long day a glass can take an edge off.

so anyway, just try to stay focused on yourself. the next thing shell do is likely try to get your number from someone else or try to make contact. shes still needing you to need her, even if shes cut her ties. again, just more of the same...

Thanks for the post, and yes I will, ii don't know why she just doesn't get out my life.

[SAB123]

Because she doesn't want to let you go yet. My ex did the same that's why she always came back.

[DougE]

Because she doesn't want to let you go yet. My ex did the same thats why she always came back.

If I didn't want to let someone go, I wouldn't change my number lol. Now if I change MY number, she will be REALLY screwed