[Alty]

Aw, sorry Sneezy.

HChicky, don't work to hard, it'll give you a headache.

Got to go spend some time with Hubby before he leaves for work, then I'm going to play a game with my kids. I'll talk to you all later.

HChicky, if I don't get back before you leave for the day, take care and have a great night.

Alty Out, for now.

[HistorianChick]

Talk to you later, Alty! :) Go get some more coffee!

[HistorianChick]

All right, my friends, I suppose I could ask this over in Relationships, but I trust you all...

An ex (my friends know him as "crazy-stalker-guy") has recently begun a new series of "contacts." Backstory - he's the one that necessitated my need for not only a new phone number, but also a new phone, new provider, AND new number, blocked myspace/facebook, etc. He's also the one that I went to the police, sat in the station with a big, burly cop, and sent the following text - "By sending this text, i am telling you to never contact me again, or I will be forced to take out a warrant for your arrest for harrassing me and be forced to contact your superior officers about this matter." (yup, it was that bad)

He's sent myspace messages "You don't even want to be friends any more?" "why won't you talk to me" and random "Hi"s on msn and Yahoo.

Ok, this threat of restraining order was sent on Wed. Dec 19. There has been no contact whatsoever until last week.

I've been ignoring it, but sheesh - what do I do now? Its harmless little things, but I did say I would do such and such if he contacted me again...

Do I keep ignoring it? When does this stupid cycle stop?

Sneezy? Westy? Any wisdom here? Why would a guy do this? I mean, seriously, I'm not all that!

Just wondering what your take would be... maybe I should post this over in Relationships... I don't know...

Crud... another Coke gone. Sad. That's 3 people.

[ISneezeFunny]

Um... well that's just plain crazy. USUALLY... when a girl stops answering my calls, I usually back off... but if a girl says, "Stop contacting me..." that's usually a clear "leave me alone"

I'd wait it out a little bit to see if he'll stop... but if he continues, I'd reply with:

I have a new boyfriend now... and he doesn't appreciate you contacting me.

[HistorianChick]

See! That's the thing! You'd think he'd get the hint - actually, it wasn't a hint. I had told him several times to stop contacting me... getting the police involved happened after he threatened leaving something in my Mom's mailbox and 22 calls in 4 minutes at 3 am, horrible texts, threats, etc...

Its past, its over, its done. It just really gets me bothered that he still thinks he can just contact me like that...

Everything in me rebells at the thought of answering these latest emails and "contacts." But, if it comes down to it, I will use take your advice, thanks Sneezy.

I need a Historian.

[ihatewestseneca]

If its just harmless "hi's" on MSN, then I would say just ignore it... after awhile he's bound to take the hint. But if he does anything to make you feel uncomfortable, or harassed, then call the 5-0 (or me). And maybe you are all that.

Maybe to him you were everything... I don't know a thing about what kind of relationship you had with this guy, but you definitely made an impact.

Its hard to say... it could be harmless, but he could also just be batsh!t crazy like your friends say.

P.S. isn't that the most depressing thing... when you think you have at least something in your can of Coke; then when you pick it up, its empty... *sigh*

[HistorianChick]

Thanks Westy...

Our relationship was that "everything" type of relationship. It was long-distance half of it, he was in Iraq, then stationed elsewhere. That's what gets me, he was my Lifehouse Everything.

Its over, it was for the best, he's moved on - a month after we split up he texted me to let me know he was engaged - it's a mess.

Anyway... thanks for your answers. Yes, I am ignoring it. It just gets me bothered.

[ISneezeFunny]

Engaged... and still contacting the ex.

That IS batsh!t crazy... interesting...

[startover22]

HC, you need to follow through with what you told him or this could get ugly. I worry, so I would do what you told him... I have to go to work but my thoughts will be with you, sorry you have to deal with this guy, really I am.
I am cool with you having three cokes every once in a while... :)

[HistorianChick]

Starty, thanks. I'm really torn about all this.

Sneezy, yup, engaged and still contacting me. He texted me to tell me he was engaged in October - the police got involved in December... strange, erratic behavior. He "found" the new cell phone number and now has it... still no idea how he got it. So far, nothing on the phone, thank God.

*sigh*

Again, thanks you guys.

[HistorianChick]

Well, I'm headed homeward... I'll check back a little later tonight - if I can beat teeny-bopper and pimple-face to the apt computer! ;)

Wow... I really should be nicer... those two might have profiles on here... sheesh... :D

Naaa... I'm deficient in my espresso consumption and am moody from my day...

Night all! (Night boys, thanks for your replies. Starty, too. I appreciate it very much)

[Alty]

HChicky, I know I'm a bit late, but I'm going to chime in on your problem.

If a man acts like a child then you have to treat him like one. Number one way to deal with a child that is acting up is to warn him that there will be consequences if his behavior doesn't stop. If the behavior continues then you have to carry out your threat, otherwise he realizes that he can do what he wants and you aren't going to do anything about it.

My thoughts on this; you told him to stop contacting you, warned him that any further contact would result in police involvement. Now he's contacted you again, I think that you should carry out your threat. Do not contact him whatsoever, that's exactly what he wants, but do carry out your threat. Show him that you mean business, and that when you say something you mean it. If you don't, I'm afraid that you will be getting further contact from him, he won't give up until he gets that swift kick in the rear.

Now remember, this is me giving the advice, I always shoot first and ask questions later, but I have been where you are now, I've dealt with the obsessive boyfriend (okay it was 21 years ago, but still) and I didn't follow through with any of my threats. What did I get out of it, a scar on my forehead and a restraining order that was a little to late.

Take care of yourself sweetie, I'm worried.

[HistorianChick]

Thank you, Alty. I understand exactly what you are saying. I'm very slow to take action when it comes to my own protection... it took me two full months of putting up with the psychological stuff before I actually went to the police. And you know what was the deal breaker? He threatened my Mom. That was it. That's all it took for me. I mean, I'll deal with it all if you leave my friends and family alone.

I don't know what I'm going to do about it. The first contact was a harmless "hello" on Yahoo about two weeks ago. I ignored it. Then it went to a myspace message more detailed - basically, "what, we can't even be friends anymore?" and telling me about his life, house, dog, and fiancee'. An email telling me he just wanted to be friends. Then over the weekend I left my msn messenger signed in... came in to another "hi".

Like Sneezy said, he has a fiancee' he shouldn't be contacting the ex... that's just simlicity. On top of that, you add the fact of the restraining order and police action and you just have an idiot.

How much of this is my own female reactions though?

Thank you for your concern. I had a guy friend of mine call him back in December to tell him to leave me alone, may have to do that again. But like you said, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it has gotten to me.

Is that bad? Is that "playing the game" right back? Rah... I just wish he'd let me be. All this does is bring up the past, how good we were, how bad we ended up, all that unnecessary stuff I thought was gone.

Coffee... I need me some coffee... and a date. Someone want to take me out for tacos and pool? Lol...

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, I am pondering the choices you may have...

1) go straight to the police... if you have a TRO against him, then he just plain can't contact you.

2) ignore him completely. This MIGHT work... or it might not. Again, I have no idea who this clown is... but if you ignore it, he may leave you alone... for the time being.

3) just get someone to kick his teeth in.

[ISneezeFunny]

As far as the date goes, I offer you a date whenever you're in the atl.

One coupon redeemable for one date.

Expires whenever you want it to.

Off to the lib. Won't be back until late. Have a good night all.

[Alty]

Option three looks like a job for Sneezy and Westy. How about it boys, will you fight for HChicky's love?

Kidding.

HChicky - Where there is smoke there is fire. If you feel uncomfortable with the fact that he's contacting you then you have to act. Always go with your gut sweetie.

Now, you know this guy better than we do, and the fact that you are worried means that you have reason to be. Go to the police sweetie, even if they don't do anything at least there will be record of your visit.

He is harassing you, even though he isn't saying anything threatening, yet.

You've told him point blank, with no wiggle room, that you NEVER want to hear from him again. He obviously thinks he can do whatever he wants. My concern is, what will he want tomorrow, or next week?

Ignoring him is the best course of action, but it should be paired with reporting him. He's not going to give up until he get's to you. It will only get worse from here. Been there done that, paid the price. But at least I got away with my life. Don't take a chance Sweetie, really, it's not worth it.

I know we are all concerned about this. I hope I didn't scare you even more than you already are, but I really feel that you have to nip this in the bud right now. Don't let him believe he's winning, otherwise he'll continue to play his little game.

Sorry, being the Mom again, giving motherly advice. Now do it young lady or you're going to your room.;)

[Synnen]

HC--

GO TO THE POLICE. Period, full stop.

He is violating the restraining order. End of story.

If it was bad enough that you had to get a restraining order to begin with, it WILL just escalate again.

He obviously isn't taking you seriously. He WILL take the police seriously.

No waffling.

If I don't hear that you've gone to the police in the next 48 hours, I WILL pull in reinforcements.

[HistorianChick]

You all are priceless. Seriously, you are simply priceless. Not in the humorous sense of the word, but the not-able-to-describe-how-precious you all are.

I didn't take out a restraining order, I made an official report (twice) and then went back to the cops and sat with the police as he dictated what I should say - that was the text when I said I would take out a restraining order and contact his superior officers. So, yes, even though I didn't officially take out the order, he has been reported on two separate occasions and I have the business card of the big, burly cop who helped me. And yes, you're right Synn, he was bad enough before for me to take action, what makes me think he would be any different now. Never did I ever dream I'd ever be in this situation.

I will take all of the contacts and go back to the policeman who helped me before. If nothing else, to file yet another report.

Thank you, again, for your support and rational opinions.

(And thank you for my extended invitation, Sneezy. You're a doll. If I get down to Atl, I'll look you up.)

[Alty]

Good for you HChicky, I'm glad you're doing this, it's the right thing to do.

Let us know how it goes.

If you need to vent then vent, that is after all why we are here, right?

Have a great evening.

Oh, Synn, I'll be one of your reinforcement, call anytime, I'll be there with my whip in a heartbeat.:D :eek: :cool:

[ihatewestseneca]

as far as the date goes, I offer you a date whenever you're in the atl.

I think the lady said tacos and pool... that's my department. When she wants a 300 dollar meal... she'll let you know.