[JDOP]

You're right. New year's eve was a mistake.
The last few months I have learned a lesson that I will remember for the rest of my life

[Wildcat21]

Good - now - throw away those negative thoughts. Bust her chops next time you see her. Do something funny like say - hey your flys down.

[chuff]

You know if you saw her again you could say, "I went to this great New Year's eve party, you should've been there it was great." or in a different direction, "I noticed you didn't talk to me at the New Year's eve party, I must really make you nervous." Say those jokingly not serious by the way. As you say even laugh.

[momincali]

I know you're right. But now I'm on the verge of calling her. Not because I want her back (I don't, I don't even think I 'm in love with her anymore), but to say that she doesn't has to be afraid of me (which I think she is). That I'm not really mad at her. That if she wants to talk about it she can do it with me because she really seems messed up now, even more than I am.

WARNING! Things usually end up in disaster when someone gives you sound advice and you answer with I know you're right... but...

There is no but here.

It's not your obligation, right or responsibility to tell her anything. Not that she doesn't have to be afraid, not that you're not mad at her, not that you're available if she wants to talk... nothing.

She knows you, she saw your offering of the olive branch (wishing her a happy new year) so she KNOWS she doesn't have to be afraid of you.

She knows you're not mad at her, come on, you know she knows that.

She knows that you still feel for her and that you would be available in a red hot second if she needed to talk.

If she needs something from you, she needs to come to you and ask you for it, you don't hand it to her on a silver platter. Only through making herself humble and vulnerable will she really appreciate who you are.

You know that she's involved with her ex and she isn't even willing to admit it to her best friends... something is not right. It's almost as though she's with him but is embarrassed of it somehow? Nonetheless, it's hers to deal with, not yours.

[talaniman]

Is it too soon just to act like normal people around each other?

I think you have gotten your answer and I think its time to forget her and move on through healing yourself with a strict no contact rule and dedicate yourself to you. Leave the negative stuff alone as it will slow the healing process. Good Luck.

[JDOP]

Of course she's embarrassed of it, not only is this guy the prototype of a jerk, he was also involved with one of her best friends. I figure they were trying to keep it a secret for not "hurting" anybody.

[chuff]

Of course she's embarassed of it, not only is this guy the prototype of a jerk, he was also involved with one of her best friends. I figure they were trying to keep it a secret for not "hurting" anybody.

So she's a two timer not only on you but on someone else. Instead of being depressed about this try to think of how lucky you are to find out now.

[JDOP]

Yes. I a way I'm relieved to have discovered her true face. I'm feeling a better person than her. In another way I'm sorry that this is the truth, that good things have to come to an end, especially in a way like this.

[chuff]

I'm feeling a better person than her.

Your not FEELING you're a better person than her. You ARE a better person than her.

[Druid]

Before one lover meets another, they do not know one another, if they are known to each other they are aquentances. When the love is gone, aquentances they will become once more.

[Wildcat21]

Move on from this gal. Move on. She is just trouble.

Can I ask how old she is?

[JDOP]

She's turning 20 in 2 weeks, I have just gotten to the blessed age of 23. She didn't send anything on my birthday, which was pretty painful

[JDOP]

I think I am getting on the right track. Whenever I think of this situation I just say to myself: "whatever". She can do as she pleases. If this is her way to say goodbye then let it be.
It is a lot easier during a breakup to immediately start with somebody else. In my opinion that is just ignoring (avoiding) the pain everybody naturally feels when people part. I believe in karma, what comes around goes around, and she will have her part of this hurt too. Knowing that gives me enough satisfaction to let it go. I don't care anymore

[Wildcat21]

"She didn't send anything on my birthday, which was pretty painful" - says a lot.

Listen - she's too young to really get any type of commitment out of any way. She's out to break hearts at her age - be careful.

Generally - I know this to be true - many women go through their kind of wild girl tage until like age 25. The ones that don't a loty of times do late in life after a divorce. I am not saying every women, but a lot do.

[JDOP]

Hi,
Some of you already know my story. To summarize: my girlfriend of 1.5 yr broke up with me about 2.5 months ago for reasons she could not really explain. After a while it became clear to me (through the grapevine) that she had gotten back together with her former ex (a jerk) and that she was already in contact with him even a few weeks before we broke up. As I said, I know all of this via other people since I haven't contacted her since 3 weeks after we broke up. Moreover, she even denies she is back together with this jerk to her friends etc. It is supposed to be a big "secret". I bumped into her 2 times since we broke up. Both times she completely ignored me (not even a look). The last time was only a few days ago. I think this behaviour towards me is very strange. It seems like she is mad at me for some reason, or she is ashamed. Gradually, I decided to not care anymore because she isn’t worth it anymore.
However, a few days ago I received an email from her. She says she wants to talk to me face to face after her exams. To “clarify” things without the exaggerations I have been hearing. I suspect that she just wants to “break the news” to me in an eufimistic way, nl. That she is back together with that jerk. If that is the case, then I really don’t want to hear it, because I already know. She probably also wants to clear her conscience I guess. So far I haven’t answered yet. I don’t know if I’ll answer and what my answer will be like. On the one hand I don’t ever want to speak to her again in my life. On the other hand I think this could be an opportunity to end this chapter with a little dignity for her as well as for me. Any advice?

[Geoffersonairplane]

Hi JDOP, I have followed your progress since the beginning, so here is my advice...

It is probably best not to assume what her motivations are for wanting to talk to you. She has treated you quite badly and if it were me, I would stay well away. She sounds really mixed up and it is best for you not to get caught up in her drama. You have said yourself that you don't want anything to do with her and you already know what has been going on, so what is talking to her going to achieve?

By moving on and forgetting her, you have already got closure. This could set you back if she says things you would really rather not hear. Its up to you but I would stay away!

[talaniman]

My gut says to stay away from her and stay on your own path. Even if she wants you back (which I doubt) you don't want her(I hope not, at least) Let her stew and worry about YOU for a change.

[rol]

Yes, how about not replying to her mail at all or reply that there is no need for any talks . Definitely do not go running to see her.

[JDOP]

I was thinking about waiting a few days (a week maybe) and then sending something like "your email has been sent a few months too late".

A part of me does still want her back, but I have brains enough to not take her back if she wanted to (which I doubt as well). I don't think that I don't want her back as much as I don't want her to be with somebody else.

[chuff]

Don't reply to her at all but if she contacts you about then tell her "I've moved on from you and I'd appreciate it if you would take the adult steps to do the same."